Allicantake.

Thank you for posting and updating, it has inspired me to stay true to my plans, because it's easy to fall back into our spouses/ex control.

My wife of 20 years also had multiple affairs. I always forgave her because I am madly in love with her and I take my vows seriously

I still want her back, but I can no longer allow this bad behavior in my life. I spent the past 11 years trying to meet her needs and waited for her to reciprocate, with only enough effort from her to keep me stringing along in our marriage.

We just separated last week. While I would absolutely take her back. It's no longer healthy for me to keep waiting. Time is very limited in our lives and it seems the only time she made an effort is when I didn't wait anymore and I moved on.

Easier said then done, but my hope is that unless she puts 110% into fixing our marriage. She will have to wait on me, as I create a new life. Because waiting on her the past 11 years created a lot of unneeded self destruction in my life and was not healthy

Thanks for mentioning the book "no more mr nice guy". Looks like it has potential

I pray that everything works out for you, because I feel your pain and it is not fun

Nobitterness, you hit the nail on the head. I always forgave my wife also because I loved her even though she obviously didn't love me the same way. I ruined a budding relationship with a wonderful lady because of stupidity of believing my ex again. That won't happen anymore, but I've tried to work it out with the new lady to no avail. I'm reading another book currently. It's called Boundaries. I have realized that the first, and maybe only, boundary I ever set was when I filed for divorce in 2012. That's unhealthy and I know it is. I'm like you, I hoped my ex would put 100% effort into reconciliation, but I don't think that'll ever happen. I wish you well, because you're right, it's very painful and definitely not fun.

It's extremely painful, But I'm learning from your post that I need to set limits. I can't place my life on pause waiting for her to "come around". Especially when I have already been down this road several times before

Not to sound cold, because I am madly in love with her. But I am emotionally exhausted

**EDIT**