My wife of 30 years left me before Thanksgiving - one week after a big family argument (which I caused and I yelled at her) on her 60th birthday. She left a week later when she knew I would be away for 2 hours. She also quit her receptionist job and is living with my daughter in an old 1 bedroom apartment 100 miles away (she also visited her 2 different sisters out of state during that time). She now has sued me for a legal separation. I have not received any direct communication from her. She refuses to talk to me.

She has changed her cell phone number and made no contact since. She says I am too Controlling and I am a Mental Abuser and a Manipulator and she can't take it any more after many years. I am 57 and retired and have some anger issues related to my ADHD.

A marriage counselor that I was working with had me write her a very nice letter in December where I blamed myself and asked for forgiveness and marriage counseling. She did not respond to me but told my youngest son that she has not loved me for years and she only stayed with me to get my 3 children through college (both of my sons graduated in May and they all have very good jobs and they don't need me anymore). The marriage counselor e-mailed her before Christmas and offered to provide counseling for us but she refused it in an e-mail. She stated that she was done with the relationship and wanted to move on with her life. My 25 year old daughter says that my wife will never come back to me again. My wife is a very religious Catholic and we have not had any divorce in either family backgrounds. I have also gone back to church as many of us do.

I have violated most of the LOVE BUSTERS identified in the Marriage Builders Articles. I took our marriage and relationship for granted for many years and we have lost our connections since the kids are now gone.

I don't want a divorce. Does anyone have any advice of how to get her to start communicating with me again without lawyers involved? I need a way to break the ice of no communication.

HI Mikery, welcome to Marriage Builders. The only advice I can think of would be to recommend anger management courses. What have you done to correct that problem?

Hi Melody,

Thanks for your comment. I gone through some counseling where the counselor has worked with me on anger management. I will look into courses.

Do you have any recommendations about "Breaking the Ice" to start communications?

No, I really don't have anything beyond what you have done but we would have recommended that your wife have nothing to do with you until you had gone for at least a year without any angry outbursts.

Have you SOLVED your anger issues? What new steps have you taken to cure your anger issues? When was your last angry outburst?