Help me determine which direction to go. So I get a job offer and my wife has to be given a job if I accept the job. Once I get news that my offer was accepted, I return home to her irate facial expression and stated to me that I should listen to my two 24 y.o.daughter's concerns about my "abusive " expectations on the younger kids if we decide to move . I explained it's not my job to take orders from my children. She tells me I am abusive since I grabbed my 19 year son who spit in my face. "You should listen to him" and you are a liar. She then told him not to listen to me. She also told my children to lie to me if I ask what courses or grades they are getting. My children refused to lie so she retracted, apologized and said she was wrong. Years ago I purchased a property for us and she decided one day after closing that she did not want me to be in business with her. I turned the property over to her. It has failed now she wants to be in business with me...I requested an uncontested divorce and she initially agreed but now refuses. So I will spend my life's savings to get a divorce and be free of someone who is using sex to control the marriage, told me when I get old she is going to divorce me and now says she never said it!!! I guess I answered my own question. What do you think I should do?

Flash, I think your angry outbursts have ruined your marriage. I think you can turn this around if you can learn to never have angry outbursts under any circumstances.

Have you read any of Dr. Harley's articles and Q&A columns on this website?

I'm having a difficult time understanding where flash is having angry outbursts that are ruining his marriage. If anything, both are engaging in behaviors that are negatively impacting their marriage - I see where his wife is refusing to move for a new job he's been offered unless she is offered a job too...a selfish demand on her part. Flash is engaging in independent behavior by accepting the job without his wife's full agreement But the only thing close to an angry outburst I see in this limited description of events is flash defending himself when his adult son spits on him. If anyone's having an angry outburst, though, it's flash's wife - she's the one using their grown children to fight her battle. She's the one telling her kids to lie to their father. Rather than supporting her husband when their 19 year old son spits in his face, she tells flash she should listen to the 19 year old. How is that flash having the angry outburst? Have I missed something? Does flash have other posts that indicate he engages in angry outbursts that have ruined his marriage?

That's not a selfish demand.

If she isn't wanting to move for whatever reason, that's one thing but if she's refusing to move unless he finds her a job, that's a selfish demand - if you read the rest of the post, flash says this has happened before....

Well I agree with Brits Brat and I appreciate both views to have something to gauge where the marriage is. She refused to sign the papers; my company offered her a job if "I would move" with them. Of course all this happened after she canceled our trip for our 25th and used the money to go to Costa Rica with her girlfriends!!! I did not have a single anger outburst!!! But I did have a revelation, this would be a good time for a post-nuptial agreement or I will refuse to take the job. Wow, can you believe she used our money to celebrate our 25 years with a group of women? So, I will leave it in God's hands. So are all women this messed up, do they all change for the worse, do they all just want the house, money and cars? And let me add, she still uses sex as a bargaining tool and does no house work but attends "church meetings" religiously!!!