I have not been reading or posting in a while something awful has happened. Here is the story, Friday night my WH was off work it was a fairly quiet night he spent mostly with the kids, so I was happy for them, they have not seen much of him. Anyway around 11:30pm I went to bed to watch tv, about half hour later WH came in to watch also, I thought wow this is a good sign he hasn't done that in a long time. Well he layed there on the bed and we had small talk, and he fell asleep, no big deal. I decided to make sure all the lights were off and the kids were okay and as I was doing this I noticed my WH briefcase was open, so I proceeded to just glance in it not move anything around. I noticed a small brown manilla envlope with the name of the OW on it well this really got me going and I decided to open it up, what I found inside I will never ever forget, nude pictures of my H, just of him, there were some of her but none without clothes on and none of them together,there were also pictures of a day trip they went on together probably when he told me he had to work ot and instead took her out.(can't even take off to take kids out but can for her??) I also found some cards he had given with things like I will love you forever etc.. well I went nuts went in the bedroom and woke him up and just went crazy, calling every name I could think of telling him to get out, he ran after me and tried to grab the things out of my hand and the cards ripped and he pushed me against the wall and told me never to go in his things I had no right could you believe ?????? Well we argued, I told him to get out I have had enough on and on.... I can't believe the kids did not wake up there air condtioners were on. I am devasted to think he allowed this woman to take nude photographs of him this has to be the lowest of the low, I don't know what is wrong with him he is in some serious fog.Anyway he is def. leaving anyday he is staying at his mothers he has started to pack his things, I am happy he is leaving because after this blow I really need to be away from him to sort things out. I don't think our marriage can be saved and if it can he has to leave but I don't know who he is anymore, I keep seeing these pictures in my mind and I am having anxiety attacks, can anyone give advice or a reply as I am hysterical crying as I type this. Sally

Sally---<P>I don't know what to say to help you...but that you have come here to get your story out is a good thing...you are already that much closer to control...<P>1st--BREATHE!!!<P>Now--Focus...ON SOMETHING ELSE...everytime your mind goes there THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE...EVERYTIME...<P>YOU CAN CONTROL YOU!<P>You can control your mind...<P>BREATHE!<P>Keep posting if it helps...<P>Cali<P><P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Sally,<P>I'm sooo sorry for what you have found. I'm sure it hurts.<P>------------------<BR>

Sally,<P>I am sorry this happened. If I were you I would NOT make any decisions or make any plans right now, just take a few days to calm down and digest things. After you are calmed down you can start talking and thinking about going onto a Plan B.<P>here is a big hug: {{{{{{{{{{SALLY}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Sally, I feel your pain. I too have had the truth of my husbands continued adultery hit me square between the eyes. I wish I could be of some magical comfort to you. I wish I could make it all better for you. I wish your husband could wake up and realize what he is giving up for something that has no depth or meaning in comparrison to his family. <P>If wishes could only be granted, ::<P>All I can do is tell you, you are not alone, and you deserve better than what you are getting.<P>FC

Sally,<BR> I'm sorry I don't know your whole story - I'm fairly new here. My son discovered photos of DIL's A also, though not quite as devastating as yours. I talked him through the shaking, nausea, tears. Do you want to talk?

Thank you all soooo much for your kind words and the cyber hug Dana114, they help so much, I am at a lose right now my mind is so overwelhmed. My children are my most important priorty and myself, I need this to sink in. To me this is worse then finding out about A. Well I just wanted to say thanks all so very much, And I will keep you all posted as to what is going on. Love to all Sally

Dana I so feel for you- those pictures must be a terrible thing to try to get out of your mind. I think being away from H will be emotionally restful for you at this point. I know when my H was out of the house we didnt fight over what our 3 kids did, or if he was seeing OW.And all my friends and relatives called me often to see how I was doing . Frankly it was much easier than after he came back home and slept on the couch for 2 more months waffling still. you dont need to make any big decisions about your marriage now. Just be a friend to yourself and let your H worry make the own bed he has slept in. PS When my H moved out for awhile I took down all our wedding pix because they hurt too much to look at them and left the house extra messy because HE is a neat freak!!!!! lifeismessyPSS I also found stuff in my H's briefcase- OW's birthday date, phone numbers, address etc- made me ill just to think of him hiding stuff from me

Sally,<P>I'm really sorry for your discovery. My H is also a pic taker. It disgusted me. I think there may be a percentage of men that do this so they can .. uhh hem, capture the moment, I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound crude. I'm not saying this is normal by any means, I'm just saying this is how some men are.<P>I know how much this hurts you and disgusts you. And I believe maybe him leaving at this point is the best thing right now. I can imagine if he stayed all your convo's would be very emotionally charged. And things would be said that neither of you can take back.<P>I'm just really sorry, Sally. I would suggest you try and get your H into counseling. He has issues.<P>You know, I think it's interesting that he brought that envelope home and left his brief case avail for you to snoop. Do you think he wanted to be discovered to escalate what he wanted, to leave. And then also so he could point to you as the bad guy in his twisted WS mind? [SHE kicked me out]<P>Just a thought.<P>Be strong, Sally, you are not alone.<P>Love,<BR>Jo<P>

Sally- so sorry I called you Dana in my previous post- I was thinking of Dana's response to you that you dont need to make any big decisions right now! take care and keep posting- maybe his mother can talk some sense into him- does she know about the A?(( ))))))))))) big big hugs!!!!! lifeismessy

Thank You,Jo, resilient I appreicate your thoughts, I am still trying to fugure out what he has become and why I still love him, I must be crazy!! I started to take some pictures down also because they really make me feel down even more because my h doesn't even look like the same its like someone else took over him. My MIL does know about A but she is ill with cancer so I have not told her everything because she has so much going on right now.I am shocked that he is even staying there but I am glad he is leaving. My WH refuses counseling but if he ever wants this marriage to work someday I won't even consider it without him getting help, he def. has issues. I was wondering the same thing about the briefcase he never ever brings it in the house, and yes you have avery good point resilient in his twisted mind that could be very well what he was thinking. I should have kept the pictures and the cards for evidence in case if a D but I was to emotional and wasn't thinking clearly. Thanks Sally

Hi Sally. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. I can't imagine the hurt,anger,and devastation you must be feeling. I think it's best that he left. Maybe you should just avoid him for awhile and see what happens until you calm down. I'm sure if he has any feelings at all he realizes what he has done to you. Why would he bring his brief case in the house with such incriminating evidence for you to find? WS's can be so stupid sometimes. Sally just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Take care Hon.<BR>cybil

Sad Sally,<BR>Snooping often confirms or worsens your worst imaginings.<P>I know it is just crappy, but what has really changed? This behavior had already taken place before you found out about it...he can't change what he has already done. What has changed is YOU, what you know for sure about the extent of the affair. This isn't any different than finding out about the affair, this IS the affair in full color & too much detail.<P>Does this really change your situation?<P>You know he is having an affair. Now you really know it.<P>If you wanted to work to save the marriage, has this crossed over the boundary to where you no long want the marriage under any circumstances?<P>Your future behavior is still under your control. <P>Is a continued Plan A an option? Plan B? Divorce his photo-taking carcass? <P>And, you don't have to decide today...you can think about it next week when some time and some of the shock has passed. Don't spend the time re-imagining those pics.<P>As an afterthought on your actions on finding out, on one of my H's resumptions of his A, I literally jumped on him like a tiger where he was lying on the trampoline outside and beat him about the head and shoulders. I've never thought it was the right thing to do, but it is what I did. If your marriage recovers and you forgive his infidelity, it is likely he will forgive you going crazy on him.<P>

Thanks Lor for your reply, finding the pics doesn't change the situation it makes me realize how serious all this is because I find myself being in denial until I find evidence.I am not rushing to any decisions concerning my M I do want him to leave for awhile I need some space from him. Honestly I don't want D even after what I found, I don't think planA will work right now to much has happened. Planb will probably be my next step, and we will see what happens Thanks Sally