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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245 |
If you found strange hairs in the shower and on the inside of your H's shirt, what would you think?
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 175
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 175 |
this is not good....sounds like he has been with someone....I would investigate.....is he in a EA or PA?<P>------------------<BR>always-faith4us
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294 |
I agree...big red flag.<P>Too many times we ignore the obvious...because they give us some bulls#!t excuse. Go with your gut...you know what it means. ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif)
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245 |
He had ahn affair while we were separated. We have been back together for over 2 years. THe problem is ,is that he had a child with the ow and is still in contact with her. Her hair just happens to be the same length and color. She has a boyfriend now, but I guess that doesn't stop her. When I approached my H with the hairs, he turned bright red and almost collapsed.After a few minutes he freaked out and started accusing me of setting him up.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294 |
Course he did...it is the most common response to make you look guilty, or the baddie. Do not believe a word.<P>So now, what are you gonna do?
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245 |
I don't know. THe fact is we have been getting along better and better with each month.Even started therapy.Our communication as been more open.Just everything has been getting progressively better. My therapist thinks thatit has nothing to do with our relationship.That he doesn't love the ow. He is doingit because it makes him feel free. I have had suspicions all along that their affair wass off and on,just no proof. THis is the second time in a month that I have seen these hairs. He is having so much trouble with ow ,now withthe baby ,I can't understand it.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,294 |
Wow...second time, huh?<P>I think his access to the baby needs to be revised to limit the contact he has with OW. Come to some agreement where the baby comes to your home, maybe...if she doesn't agree, you need to renegitiate with your H on visitations...get him to take you along, or at least a friend.<P>Have you considered posting over in the pregnancy/child board? Those guys have similar scenarios.<P>Well, in the meantime, you need to Plan A...
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245 |
Iihave posted there for a long time,just wanted some opinions here. He sees the baby sometimea at her apartment. But the day I found the hairs this time, he was only working in our area.Ow lives 2 hours away.
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069 |
Blue,<P>I say your H may very likely be having an A with her again. I mean, couldn't she have driven 2 hours to see him?<P>I would Plan A my heart out. And one additional thought, if OW got pregnant once, she might try it again. If you think that is possible, I would bring the "hair" discovery up in the joint therapy sessions.<P>Good luck, Hon and God Bless.<P>Jo
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245 |
My H got "fixed" in January.No more fear of that, thank God. But,I discovered something else yesterday. My H got the ow a cell phone on our company plan.He didn't really hide it from me, just didn't tell me. She had plenty of call to him from her phone,but he had none to her from his. It's a group plan so all 8 of the phones are billed together. THey come to our business. He had them just laying there all together. I haven't told him that I know about ot yet. Also, I have been plan A'ing him for years now. He doesn't love this woman.Says he's very happy at home, but he has yet to admit to any continued intimate involvement with her. He complains how awful she is as a mother and how he regrets the entire situation. THat's why I am even more hurt and confused.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245
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OP
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 245 |
UP.looking for more input.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Hi, <P>Have you tried posting this on the preg/child site? They have good support there. I have not visited in a while but did find support for myself when I needed it. <P>As far as what you found? If honesty is part of your recovery plan then, your H needs to come clean. Can the OW's communication go through a 3rd party or through you? So that your H is not vulnerable. <P>Should you be concerned? yes. Are you being paranoid. Not from my viewpoint. <P>lhm<BR>
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