I wrote an email to the OW that had an affair with my boyfriend of 4 years. io have posted on here recently so hopefully you remember my story. <BR>I wrote the email to the other woman like three weeks ago. Shje finally responded. I told her how immoral she was for doing that especially while I was pregnant and I told her time after time again not to see him and stay away from him. I told her how mad I was that she lied to me. <BR>See I found out about their affair when it almost ended like acouple weeks. SO told me they were just friends and she even came over once. I could tell something was up because she was really standoffish and according to H he mentioned "you are usually hyper and you are not acting that same"<BR>So when he said that i could tell. <BR>anyways.. she responded to me *****ing her out and telling her how wrong she was..... here it is<P><BR>Allison, <P>I dont even know where to start.... I am verrrry truly sorry. Yes I did mess up. I cant even tell you how sorry I am.. The only thing I can say to you is that I am a changed person. You may sit there and read this and think that it is all b.s. but its not. I am totally changed and I really wanted to forget about the whole situation and move on with my life. I hope you can forgive me and I really dont want anything to do with you and m**** life. I am sorry that I got in the middle of that and I am sorry if I messed anything up. I lost a lot too Allison and there is no excuse for the way that I acted. God has forgiven me and I really truly hope that you will except my forgiveness. I dont want to have anything to do with your life and I really want to stay out of it. I dont talk to R*** or anybody relating to that situation anymore.. I hang out with Houston Christian people and some JV people only. I dont know if you will ever forgive me... but I just wanted to let you know that I have no intrest for M*** and dont want anything to do with him. I hope everything is going well with your baby and that yall will have a happy marriage... but that is all I am going to say about it.. You can read this letter and still hate me and still talk mess about me,,, but it wont get anywhere.. You have to move on and put the past behind you... If there is more to this than I know than I am sorry... I reallized I messed up and I am sorry seriously!!!! Everyone makes mistakes in their lives and I made a huge one. Once again,,, I hope you can forgive me Allison.. You dont have to write me back If you dont want to... I will understand. <P>Kimberly <P><BR>? what do you think? She lied to me before. When I called her she would be like I want nothing to do with you or mark and I wish I never meet you. but then the next day she was right back with him. I found clothes in his truck of hers and she lied about why they were in there. She would say I would never do antyhing with m*** ebcause I love my boyfriend brian and m*** and I are just friends.<BR>Anyways<BR>I am writing her back now asking why she let it get any further and how many times they did anything.. should I.. I am crying now because my emotions are like going crazy. I guess maybe i am getting a little peace out of her emailing me back. i didn't think she would.<BR>what she I ask her and I want to forgive her like I want to forgive mark and just get on with my life also..... <BR>I am so lost<P>please help!!!<BR>ally )<p>[This message has been edited by abmm12 (edited October 03, 2001).]

I wouldn't pursue any more contact with OW. You will become fixated on her and not your partner. It will not promote your healing or recovery at all, in fact it will stagnate it if not reverse it. Don't reply to her email. Move on to restore your relationship. She is not the issue now. You and your partner and your child are.<P>Also - I would suggest you edit your post and delete names to ensure your privacy.<P>

Ally,<P>I would just accept her apology and move on. There is nothing more that you can do with her. When someone apologizes you will never get a guarantee that it won't happen again. She may be lying and she may do it again, but you can't control something that HASN'T happened and can only deal with what HAS happened. I wouldn't respond if I were you.<P>I do find it a little irritating that SHE had the gall to tell you to move on when it is SHE who is partly responsible for the fact that you are in this position - a little self serving if you ask me.

sorry you guys. I had to write her back. I just asked her why I should believe her when she lied to me in the past and That maybe if she answers all my questions that we both can move on if she cooperates. I just asked how many times they did anything and why she wold even get involved and if they ever even talked about what they were doing was wrong. I don't know after this reply I will just not email her anymore. I just want some damn closure to all of this and to know that she understands how bad she screwed up. I told her that I wish she understands that affairs I wrong and that committed people are not available to anyone else. I wished that she was not to do it to anybody else that they hurt a lot of people. <BR>I don't know.. i am so I dunno. Please reply

I agree that you should not have anymore contact with the OW. Just focus on your partner and try to recover there. Hang in there!!

<<<<I do find it a little irritating that SHE had the gall to tell you to move on when it is SHE who is partly responsible for the fact that you are in this position - a little self serving if you ask me. [/B][/QUOTE]>>><P>Hee hee hee. My H's OW told me (with great phony concern in her voice) "You don't deserve all of this. You should divorce him and take all his money." What she REALLY meant to say was "Please kick him out so that maybe he will come back to me by default. But I really didn't mean it about the money, because I was hoping for that myself."<P>Stop mailing her! You can't trust a word the OP says. She doesn't care one bit about you. When my H dumped his OW she calle dme to tattle on him. She gave me almost the exact same speech your H's OW gave you. She started out with "I thought you deserved to know" . That was BS because when I confronted her in the beginning she lied her a** off. Guess I didn't "deserve to know" until he kicked her to the curb. How she was sooooo sorry and she did soooo wrong and made such a huge mistake and how she would NEVER attempt to contact him again yadda yadda yadda. She pretty much blew up on me when I told her we were going to stay together, but many of them are much sneakier. I mentioned before one OW who sent her MM's wife (who was pregnant) a long, hearfelt letter of apology, admitting her mistake, acknowledging the pain she caused and promising to stay out of their marraige. The very next day she calle dthe MM begging her to meet him at a hotel and restart the affair. Don't trust her for a second and don't make her a bigger part of your life by having continued contact. You are just asking for trouble. Don't bring a snake home and expect it not to bite you. After all, you knew it was a snake.<p>[This message has been edited by fairydust (edited October 03, 2001).]

I agree with you guys, but I think that it was big of her to contact me because she didn't have to ya know. I don't really trust her saying that, because she lied to me in the past, but I really do think she knows she fuc*ed up ya know. She lost her boyfriend and blablabla<BR>Well I did email her back and say that I hope she doesnt ever do this to anybody else because it messes up everyone around you. I told her committed people are not available to anyone else but eachother. <BR>I asked her acouple questions to see what she says like.. why did you intentioanlly get involved and how many times did he cheat on me with her and stuff like that. i am hoping that this brings me closure.. you might see me back on here posting again within the next couple days because if her answer doesn't match his I will be PISSED he said three times! let's see what she says<P>I just want closure and her emailing me has brought me some peace and I actually think H and I have a chance on making it now.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by abmm12:<BR>[B]I agree with you guys, but I think that it was big of her to contact me because she didn't have to ya know. I don't really trust her saying that, because she lied to me in the past, but I really do think she knows she fuc*ed up ya know. >>>><P>Please be careful. It wasn't "big of her to contact you" anymore than it was big of my H's xOW to contact me. And she lied and lied and lied when she did. She told me how she knew she f'd up too. But the bottom line was that she wasn't sorry for what she did to me, or my family, or my H's family. She was sorry for what happened to her, sorry she got dumped, sorry she got hurt, sorry my H didn't pick her. The only person she was sorry for was herself.

I was also tossing around the idea of writting to my Husbands OW. I did get e-mails from her husband for awhile whcih a few of them I replied to but I have blocked all my e-mails now from either of them. I found that her husband was lieing to me just as much as she was and I didn't need either of them to tell me what they felt or wanted. I don't care anything about them. My husbands OW even over doesed on pills and ended up in the hosital getting her stomach pumped too bad she didn't drop dead. ( sorry just venting) I really do hate her allot. A few of my friends have told me I need to go to her house and talk to her but i see no point what do you all think?

why would her husband be llieing to you? I don't understand. Wouldn't he be as upset as you? Why would she over dose on pills? The pain she caused everyone, because she didn't get your husband? what does he think? I don't know the only reason I wanted a response from her was to get some closure. i wanted to hear that she learned from her mistake!!! I don't know if she sincerely meant it or not, but it was worth her saying it. I feel a little more at peace ya know. Um I don't know what to tell you, but do what makes you feel better. i would not be her friend or hear her poor pitiful me stuff becuase she brought this upon herself.

abmm12 thanks for writting me back. I don't know what the deal was with her husband I think he was telling me stuff to make madder at my husband. She told me once that if I didn't divorce my husband she would get him in allot of trouble with his work. I really think they were trying to get some evidence to do that. See before her husband came to me she had her computer cleaned out so they didn't have any evidence of the A. Her husband had nothing to take to my husbands boss so they couldn't kill his career. They were trying everything to do this. She even told me she was pregnant that was in Aug. Her husand e-mailed me a few days later and told me he found a receipt that she had a abortion in eith June or July. Well hello wouldn't the receipt have a date on it and how could she be pregnant if she had an abortion. Her husband told me he would send me a copy and I never saw it. <BR>I don't know what she was doing with the pills didn't really care to tell you the truth. The woman took allot of lives and turned them upside down. I found out that she had been have A with 5 men plus her husband. She just had a list of men to mess around with. The thing was they all worked with my husband too except one and that was her husband's so called best friend. It has been a big mess. She told each of the guys that they were special and told them not to tell anyone about the A so they didn't even know I couldn't believe none of them ever bragged that they were messing with her. But i guess not. Well thanks again.

Don't even bother with the OW anymore. She is just a waste of your time.<P>Most OW's will lie. Most OW's are not sincere & truthful with their apologies. The former OW in our situation apologized. Yet, she sporadically sent e-mails, over a period of 2 stinkin' years, trying to reignite the affair.<P>Apology...my A$$...<P>Put all of your work into your relationship with your boyfriend and recovering from his affair. That's where your main focus should be. Stop e-mailing the OW because you can't trust anything that she says anyways. It is a waste of your time, emotions, and well-being.