Hi Guys,<P>As many of you have read, lucky me, I now have a very honest relationship with my soon to be X. She has had mny partners in the past 7 months. The only ones she seems to "worry" about are the ones that seem to lack the intrest she desires. Almost all of these men begin as the one night stand variety. This is not a woman many of you would respect. She is very attractive and has no problem getting laid. Our infidelity problem is misplaced here. I know this now, but I have so many here that I respect, I prefer comment from you guys versus another board. Call my situation "a pleasant diversion" ! <P>She says she just uses guys. I ask myself "am I among them?". Her female boss just had an incident and is now seperated from her husband. She told me and I submitted that she might be able to help her. Being that my W did the same. She told me that she didn't think so. I asked why, she said because she was on the other side. I asked what that meant. She told me that this woman wants to stay in her marriage, she didn't. After all of this openess, this is what I am left with. My W didn't say this to hurt me. We have promised each other not to hurt each other, by being completely honest with one another, with no games. It has worked to a fault I think. I have to say that I am always there for her, with the same rule; tonight I told her I just didn't feel like talking. I didn't, I saw the hurt and rather than punish her (I can't go back), I simply didn't want to talk. Am I "overdrawn" in the ol' LB. <P>I know that, in her life, she has NEVER had someone to count on or trust in (FAMILY incl.), except for me. Can a person like this learn to after so many years. I believe she has a different mind set when it comes to what love is/can be. Do you hold on or move on. I hate writing ANYONE off, especially her. I can't believe there is any human being that is a lost cause. I have a hard time becoming cynical, despite all of my hurts in life. I have personally seen the miricles that can happen when another person confides faith in someone. Tragically, I have seen the failures as well. Some people cannot accept the gifts that are given them. In the past, I have always had some distance in these situations, this time I am at stake, we are at stake, our kids are at stake. I ask myself "am I being used or does this count?".<P>Eric32

Eric,<P>Sounds like your W might have problems with fear of intimacy. That is common with people who have serial affairs, which is what sounds like is going from your post. The fact that you say she has never been able to count on anyone, including family really supports this.<P>You ask about people changing, can a person learn and are you being used. I think, IMHO, that your wife has some real emotional issues to tackle. If she is willing to acknowledge this and work really hard, she can overcome her fears. Anyone can do anything if they have a strong desire coupled with comviction and gather the knowledge and tools/skills they need to be successful.<P>If this is the case, and she appears committed, your love and support might make all the difference in the world. If she shows no inclination to address why she needs to sleep with so many men, then she probably won't change and won't learn a thing.<P>Good luck...<P>Roll Me Away <BR>