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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3
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clj Offline OP
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Joined: May 2003
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My hubby plays around on the internet with porn sites. In November I discovered that he had posted profiles on sexually oriented match sites and contacted women. He gave some of them his place of work and cell number. Upon discovery he said he was just playing around and as long as he keeps it on this side of the keyboard it is ok. He promised to stop.

Recently I discovered he has contacted local "escort" services and attempted to set up "dates" with some of the women (hookers). This I absoultely do not understand as we have a great sex life and he says he is very fulfilled and satisfied. In addition, he was playing around in chat rooms and met a woman (she is a hooker) who he was suppossed to have lunch with but didn't. Again he says he is playing around and did cross the line but did not physically meet any of them or do anything.

Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this ?? I am at a loss as how to deal with it. He refuses counseling.

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clj,

I hope you realize that what he is doing is not harmless. HE is having emotional affairs. I would read everything on this site to try and determine what it is that is missing in his life and try to address it. You can download the emotional needs questionairres and ask him to take it. I would also refer you an article about Plan A and B and suggest that you start Plan A right now: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

WAT's quickstart guidelines: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=000940#000000

I would also suggest putting spy software on his computer so you can VERIFY that he has truly stopped. If he is seeing hookers, etc off the internet, you have to take steps to protect yourself. A good spy software is Starr home version at www.iopus.com. If you decide to get it, go ahead and pay for it instead of keeping the trial version because the trial version will pop up every time the computer is restarted and you want it to stay invisible. The software costs $40 and is worth every penny. I records both sides of chat conversations, websites, passwords and every keystroke typed.

Joined: May 2003
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clj Offline OP
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Joined: May 2003
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Melodylane -

Yes I agree he is having emotional affairs. He is definitley missing the strong foundation in his life of love and support. His mother died when he was 7 and he was raised by an Aunt & Uncle who kicked him out of their home when he turned 19. He experienced an early marriage that ended in divorce and a long child custody battle. He is very bitter.

We have only been married 10 months, #3 for me, #2 for him. There are children involved 9, 12 & 15 (the oldest-his son is a huge problem with behavoir, anger management, etc). Also, we are dealing with a child support issue with my ex. Needless to say we have a lot on our plate for the 1st year of marriage. I adore this man and have never loved anyone this way in my life. I am 48 years old and do not want to go through another failed relationship. He seems to turn to this type of behavoir when things get stressful for him (no excuse) and believe me things have been tough. I am at a loss as to how to get him to open up to me. I have tried lots of love, patience and attention. I do not understand why he resorts to this. As of today I have figured out his hotmail password and I have access to his email - so I can access it at anytime. I'm just afraid that the ball is going to drop on me again.

I have read the information on Plan A & B and think that so far there technically has been no infidelity, however I feel that he has still been "unfaithful" to me. He is communciating with an old girlfriend and told her he was off the market and had gotten married to a nice city girl. This is the only email lately that I have seen that was somewhat questionable. He is totally unaware of my access to his email.

I have become a suspious, spying, ugly person because of this and I hate it. I have no idea what to do except to keep spying on him and I do not like being put in this position. ????????


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