I've been meaning to post this for a while now. I need to thank both you and Bunches for your sharing your struggles with us. I have some sexual abuse issues in my past which I have quite contentedly repressed for many years (repression works well for me <g>).

You recently listed a couple of books you found helpful in working through your recovery and the abuse issues. I picked them up on a business trip, and have been doing a lot of reading and work on my own issues. Difficult, painful, successful, and enlightening work. I would never have chosen to pursue healing from this, I think, if I had not seen you and Bunches go through it.

Anyway - thank you, and please let your W know that she has truly helped someone else (not sure if she reads here anymore). Happy Holidays!

K

Thank you KS I will wrap your Christmas message with a glowing read bow and let her open it as a present...

All things are done in his name--from time to time he lets bravehearts like you send him a thank your card thru us.

God bless you in your recovery and your journey of healing and mending.

KS if you would be so kind please post on a thread for i'm precious their marriage is at stake and like too many others she too has suffered at the hands of abusers. Its in the Recovery Forum.

She felt a huge amount of relief to know she was not alone in all of this madness.

Your voice could add to her comfort.

Take care.

<small>[ December 24, 2003, 06:27 PM: Message edited by: stunned-dad-fast recovering ]</small>

K

Just wanted you to know your message was the second best present my wife unwrapped.

Hard to beat the key to a new house! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by stunned-dad-fast recovering:
<strong> Hard to beat the key to a new house! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Was she surprised by the key?? Had you done a good job convincing her you weren't going to get it? I'm just not sure how I'd react to H buying a new house....

K

Actually she got pissed at first.

Not because of getting the house because she was so broken hearted when I told her I wasn't willing to put that much into a house.

Thing is this house is so close to work we can save over $400 a month on daycare. We don't live in the school district our kids attend so we have to get them there on our own. This forces us to use before and after school care at a local daycare that runs a shuttle back and forth from the kids school. Now we will be in the district and the bus comes right by our house. Plus the wife gets off at 4:00 or 4:30 max each day so she will probably beat the bus home.

So her anger wasn't at getting the house it was at me pulling her chain.

She got real quite when were finally alone after unwrapping everything. Told me she didn't deserve the house or me. Said she felt like I had played on her emotions with the house thing...then asked me how could I forgive her because she played me for all that time.

It was hard to answer honestly. I do remember thinking how hard it was to trick someone and thinking how the h$ll did she trick me for so long and still be able to look me in the face. So I did lie and tell it was no big deal I knew she wasn't the same person that played me. I think she knew better. We sort of just held each other without speaking for awhile.

Next day she was a buzz over the house. Had to go furniture shopping. Picking out blinds, draperies and other decorative items.

Just need the final loan approval and we are all set.

I am looking forward to the new house and the fresh start it represents. We sold her car the one I bought for our 2000 anniversary. I paid it off right when the emotional part of the affair was beginning. And she drove it to all those out of town events and locally to be with OM. I didn't like seeing her behind the wheel. Especially since the OMs vehicle was a very common vehicle. Many times a truck just like his would pull up beside her on the road or park beside her. It would trigger me even though it wasn't his.

So we are leaving only the bad memories behind us. Including the very emotional post discovery fights...started mainly by me. Ironically she wanted to get out of this house more than me because it reminded her of the pain she caused me. Plus it was out in the garage with the lights out that I would hold her and rock her while sitting on the garage floor. And her in a fetal position would tell me in a little girls voice about her pre teen/teen abuse and rape. Lots to leave behind more importantly lots to look forward to which is what we both want to do from this day on.