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I did the worse thing possible and had an affair on my husband 9 months ago. For the past 7 month we have been trying to fix things. I have done everything possible to show him I want him and love only him. He knows I have tried everything. However, after 7 months he says he wants to call it quits bc he is just unable to forgive no matter how hard he tries bc the pain is too much. What else can I try. I know he want our marriage or he wouldn't have tried for 7 months. Please help. Ill do anything.
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Hi Mchiger, welcome to marriage builders. A couple of questions. Are you married? If so, how long? Any children?
Do you or your husband EVER see the OM? How close does he live?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes I'm married and have been for 7 years. We have 2 children. We never see him and he lives in another city.
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I have done everything possible to show him I want him and love only him. Can you explain what you have done to try and fix things? What steps have you taken to affair proof your marriage and provide him with just compensation?
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It is possible to recover from an affair if you follow the steps to affair proof the marriage and create a better marriage than you had before the affair. However, every BS has the right to decide they do not want to recover. If your BH has decided that he no longer wants to recover and wants to divorce instead, he has the right to do that and nobody would blame him.
Has he moved out and/or filed for separation or divorce?
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No he has not moved out nor filed anything. He said he would stay until the first of the year then moved downstairs for 3 or so months to make sure it was the right thing. He wants our marriage but cannot handle the fact he cant forgive me.
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I have done everything he has asked. All my accounts are open to him. I send him pictures of everywhere I go so he knows where I am. I have told him everything including the details that were really hard to tell. I have taken very verbal lash he was thrown due to pain. I have cut ties everyone who wasnt even involved. I know doing all those things does not make up for my mistake but I'm trying everything possible.
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Dr Harley typically doesn't advocate forgiveness, he advocates just compensation and it sounds like you have done everything in that regard. You don't really want or need his forgiveness.
What you do want and EXPECT is a loving, respectful marriage. Is he respectful to you? Do you have a good marriage? That is what matters. If not, then that is a real problem.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes he is very respectful to me and always has been. We do have a good marriage and he has always been a good husband. I have always strive to be a great wife however I failed with my affair.
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Yes he is very respectful to me and always has been. We do have a good marriage and he has always been a good husband. I have always strive to be a great wife however I failed with my affair. The best thing to do is never bring it up again. It should never be brought up again. Instead, focus on creating a great marriage today. Start here: Basic Concepts
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I agree but if he is unable to forgive is there anything I can do?
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I agree but if he is unable to forgive is there anything I can do? Nothing to do! You don't need forgiveness. Move on and make a great marriage! Will he work on your marriage together?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You don't need forgiveness, you need a happy romantic marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Who was the OM? Was it someone your BH knew? Have you read this? What is Just Compensation?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He feels like he is unable too since he can't get over the hurt.
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Could you please answer these?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He was someone I dated in high school. He wasn't friends with my husband.
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He feels like he is unable too since he can't get over the hurt. We can help him get over it. If he is happy in the present, he won't be thinking of the tragedies of the past. Will he come here and let us help him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He feels like he is unable too since he can't get over the hurt. We can help him get over it. If he is happy in the present, he won't be thinking of the tragedies of the past. Will he come here and let us help him? You mean come to this Forum? Where is it that you mean and yes I think he is willing. He knows about this forum and I sent him some of the things that were sent to me on here.
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