Hello,

I�ve been scouring this and other websites in the hopes of finding a solution to my problem..

Married for 9.5 years, dated for 2 previous to that. We have two beautiful daughters, 8 and 6, and her son from a previous relationship. I found out on 12/20 that she�s been cheating on me for about a month with a coworker, and when I confronted her with it she told me she didn�t want to stop seeing him, that he makes her feel like she�s never felt before. She also tells me that she doesn�t love me anymore and stopped loving me about two years ago. Before the affair started, she said she had already spoken to a lawyer about divorce. Completely floored me, and I�ve been a wreck ever since.

Since then I�ve tried every way I could think of to convince her to stop the affair so we could fix our marriage, but she doesn�t trust that I�ll change and doesn�t want to invest the time and emotion to only be let down again.

I always thought we had a good relationship, with the typical ups and downs of any marriage. After the girls were born, we had less time to spend with each other, but my love for her never faded. Her issues with me were I was a bully when we argued (never physical, just an aggressive debater who always wanted to �win� the argument), that I never wanted to go anywhere with just her, and after the pregnancies I wasn�t interested in sex. She addressed these issues with me quite a few times over the years, and I would make the changes for a while but almost always fell back into my old ways. I was always affectionate with her and made sure she knew I loved her every day, but she wanted more. I don�t mean to paint her as a bad person, because I certainly accept responsibility for the marriage being damaged. But I never knew it was divorce-level bad and feel like if she had told me of her plans, I would have done everything in my power to fix the marriage and make her happy again. But now, there�s an affair to contend with and she is sure that whatever I do she wouldn�t change her mind anyway.

I�ve already notified the OMS via email, not sure if she received it yet. Exposure at the workplace I suspect would fall on deaf ears since they both work for a crane company that is pretty tight-knit. Her mother and son know already, and her siblings don�t get along with her.

I would love to start Plan A, but since she�s already told me she doesn�t want to stop the A, I�m stumped. Plan B would involve me moving out, and I will not do that.

Please help!!

Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain that has brought you here.

Have you read this? Exposure 101

You need to call and talk with OMBW. He could have intercepted the email. Also who else on OM�s side have you exposed to?

Yes, I read that.

I was planning on calling her next week when I know he�s at work. And I know no one else in his family that I could contact.

Have you done research to find other contacts on OM�s side? He is off work this week? When did you send the email to his BW?

I hadn�t done deep research, just some cursory stuff. I�ll see what else I can dig up.

I emailed the BW yesterday morning, and yes the OM was off this week.

I didn�t mention that I read her archived texts from around the time the affair started. It hurt like hell to read and further illustrated the depth of feeling she has for this guy. I intend on getting more recents texts from her phone, but I�m not sure I�ll be able to read them for the pain it will cause.

Do some research. Does he have any social media accounts?

Are you saving these texts for evidence?

So you need to get an exposure list together. Hit everyone within 24 hours

Please read the exposures thread thoroughly for a good plan!

Her affair is only romantic because no one knows about it. Certainly her phone is not full of shocked messages. She can day dream about the future when she introduces him to her children. Not as an affair partner of course! Morals are quite pointless when you get to invent convenienient stories.

Waywards harden themselves to the possibility of one person, their spouse, seeing the disgusting truth. They are quite prepared for ONE confrontation, long rehearsed for.

I'm sorry the texts hurt you so much. Please know that they are nonsensical fogbabble; bubbles which do not survive scrutiny. In daylight she is not proud of them and exposure would reveal her very justified shame in them.



I bet this is your jackpot target.(except for OMW, for whom email probably isn't good enough. A cheating married man would monitor his spouses email. Call her, offer to share evidence and encourage her to confront your wife)

Please don't try to guess the effects of exposures!
Simply make sure you hit as many as possible, as soon as possible. A tsunami takes many drops and swift speeds.

Even if the workplace is a hotbed of affair culture you will rattle them and even if you only have the satisfaction of seeing the cockroaches scatter for a moment - it will all be a beneficial reality check. It will all communicate that you won't stand quietly by.


Encourage people to call and confront the affairees - preferably all at once. Your username tells me you got this. And no! Do not move out of your home!

Do not even budge from your bed!

Your to do list is:

1)Read the exposure thread
2) Find contact details for as many targets as possible.
3) Post your list here for feedback.

I'm concerned that OM knows you are in exposures mode so you need to get moving before he spins stories about you.