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#3002080 01/03/18 03:06 AM
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Erha Offline OP
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I have been reading on other sites and came upon this one and realise how bad I have been doing. Time to tell my story and hopefully get some advice.

We were married for 18 years, have 2 boys (15 & 16) and my step daughter (24) had the BD 4.5 months ago, we had our ups and downs but nothing I thought was a deal breaker.

A year ago, I am noticing my wife being distant (Yes the neon lights were beginning to shine and I did not see them) and I asked her if she was going through menopause, which she confirmed, so I read up on the subject and gave her space as what I read said to do.
The next 6 months she would nag some, make snide remarks, sex life went down hill and I took them as a temporary thing and we would get through this.

I work overseas, 28 days on and 28 days off, I know you will say this is not good, but this is what I do for a living, my wife was never bothered by it I believe. I have just been laid off (been expecting this)

I am Mr Mom when I am home, taking care of the kids, cooking and doing laundry etc. At work, we would talk every day on the phone ending in �I love you�. One week into my hitch, 12 hours after �I love you�, I get an email that its not working, I need my own life, not living your life, I don't want to be controlled etc.

I was and still am devastated. When I got home, I moved to the basement. My wife was semi friendly, making me breakfast but refused to talk to me about anything and definitely about the split. When I would bring it up, all I got was her demands for child support and alimony. I was told the reasons were an argument we had 17 and another 15 years ago, arguments I do not remember etc. How she did everything and I did nothing.

I told her I am not moving as I want to be with my boys until they finish school. (2 more years) I did not suspect any OM, but I do now. She denies this, but I put a GPS on the car and she is constantly going to the same place. Out every night till midnight and its none of my business where she goes. The kids also asked and was told the same.

Just on my way home tomorrow and have been texted that the locks have been changed, this is not legal and the boys will be home to let me in. I think its an excuse so she can leave and stay at the OM.

Is this the end?

Erha #3002081 01/03/18 03:17 AM
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Erha Offline OP
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I have been reading a lot here and want to expose them, but the OM has no info on the net at all. FB has nothing, there is no info what so ever but his job as president of a company that has no info on - very strange.
My wife is an only child, Mother passed 10 years ago, the relations are all overseas. Any suggestions?

Erha #3002086 01/03/18 06:12 AM
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A private investigator could get you both evidence and contact details. I know you've just been laid off but it's far cheaper than a divorce or paying for a separate roof.

She's trying to start a fight but you need to smile confidently and not budge.

1) Call a PI.
2) Call a locksmith and change those locks back immediately. Hand her her new key with a smile.
3) Move back into your bedroom. If she wants to move out or pout in the basement let HER do it. "Honey this is our marital bedroom and I am here to stay." Let her rant and offer her a cookie.

I would visit a lawyer too, but the PI is the priority. Exposure could easily run off OM and reset your wife's entitlement.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Erha, I changed the locks on my ex husband and you're right - It's not legal. If it were not for my exposure of his affair, I would never have been able to get away with it. As it was he could not force his way back in without appearing extremely cruel and angering his own family.

You are in a completely different position. Dont worry a bit. Theres no way her brazen stance will survive exposure.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
A private investigator could get you both evidence and contact details. I know you've just been laid off but it's far cheaper than a divorce or paying for a separate roof.

She's trying to start a fight but you need to smile confidently and not budge.

1) Call a PI.
2) Call a locksmith and change those locks back immediately. Hand her her new key with a smile.
3) Move back into your bedroom. If she wants to move out or pout in the basement let HER do it. "Honey this is our marital bedroom and I am here to stay." Let her rant and offer her a cookie.

I would visit a lawyer too, but the PI is the priority. Exposure could easily run off OM and reset your wife's entitlement.

Follow this to the letter! Call a PI today and get the goods on her affair. Don't bring up her affair and don't fight with her. Just quietly hire a PI. I would also put a voice activated recorder in her car. You can velcro it under the drivers seat.

Whatever you do, don't move out. If she tries to lock you out again, call the police.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Oh yeah, and I would also keep a recorder (your phone?) on your person in case of false accusations. You should get decent evidence of her screaming like a banshee at you, while somehow also deciding you are "controlling".

"Jane, I'm afraid my moving into the basement gave you the wrong idea. I know that working away so much did. I'm home now and while I don't expect you to believe me straight away, I've returned as the husband who loves you."

She'll scream like a scalded cat, but just have a very "of course I want to be at home" attitude.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Erha Offline OP
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Just an update,
Got home, no mention of the new locks, she has gone NC, only replies in yes or no. Why would she change locks, text me about them and do nothing.

I know his name, address, phone but nothing about him personally. I have hired a PI to hopefully fill in the who.

My wife is leaving the kids and spending the night at OM house which I find hard to believe. I am at a loss
Sorry just need to rant.

Erha #3002172 01/07/18 08:51 AM
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She was hoping to start a fight with you. Her conscience and her plans would be smoothed greatly if you could be taunted into being the bad guy. How do you know where she's going? Is she being blatant enough to just tell you or does she have a cover story?

While she's out of the way change the locks and move into your bedroom. Make a list of exposure targets on your/her sides and post here for feedback. PI is getting you intel and OM targets so I'd spend the rest of the evening doing something nice at home with your children.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Erha Offline OP
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No cover story, just none of anyone�s business, so when the boys asked me , I told them about OM.
My son phoned the OM and told him what he thought. WW screamed at the kids, myself and the BS story of how they met after the BD. After the talk, my WW went off to be with OM. My kids want to believe their mother, and think there is no hope for reconciliation. I feel like I let them down.
So now the story is exposed in the family, still waiting for more info on OM.

Erha #3002331 01/12/18 11:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Erha
No cover story, just none of anyone�s business, so when the boys asked me , I told them about OM.
My son phoned the OM and told him what he thought. WW screamed at the kids, myself and the BS story of how they met after the BD. After the talk, my WW went off to be with OM. My kids want to believe their mother, and think there is no hope for reconciliation. I feel like I let them down.
So now the story is exposed in the family, still waiting for more info on OM.
Did you hire a PI? How are you getting information on the OM? It isn't recommend to do a trickle exposure. Exposure to all sides should be all done at the same time.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Erha Offline OP
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PI cannot find any info, here in Canada they brought in a privacy act, therefore the info that could be got a few years ago is no more. I have no personal info except name, address and phone.


Erha #3002502 01/18/18 04:21 PM
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Do you know his profession?

What do you get when you Google "firstname lastname" + town/region?

By any stroke of luck is it a combination of unusual name and small town? You can unearth a whole family that way.

Put search details into social media sites and linked in. This could unlock his profession so you can google his name + profession. Can you also check the voters register/electoral roll where you live? That would give you family names to hunt out.

If his name can be shortened or altered try out variations.

Try putting his address into search engines in quotemarks too. Could lead you to the names of other occupiers. When I did this with OWs childhood address it led me to a planning application submitted by her parents for renovations complete with a very handy landline!

Which lots of people still have, so don't dismiss phone directories either.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Erha Offline OP
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My buddy is a PI and he is amazed on how little he can find. The privacy laws in Canada and for some reason he don�t want any info out there.

Erha #3002527 01/20/18 01:33 PM
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Erha Offline OP
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He has his own business and no info on that

Erha #3002529 01/20/18 01:46 PM
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Erha I had to help my aunt track down a 90 year old Canadian cousin not long ago. She was completely off grid because of her age. She had hired a PI who had been unable to find anything.

I was able to track her down in a single day. I used social media and her interests to find one of her children and from there it was as simple as 1-2-3. Sometimes a PI is not the answer. You have to think laterally.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
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So what comes up in the suggestions I made?

Are his home and business addresses far away?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Erha Offline OP
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His home is his business address. I am thinking he is an importer/ exporter. I am pretty good ona computer myself and there really is nothing. He does have LinkedIn but u have to be invited to look in it.

Erha #3002541 01/21/18 03:31 PM
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I meant are the addresses far from you? Can you physically stake them out?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Erha #3002542 01/21/18 03:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Erha
His home is his business address. I am thinking he is an importer/ exporter. I am pretty good ona computer myself and there really is nothing. He does have LinkedIn but u have to be invited to look in it.

Look at what type of contacts he has and make a phony account.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Erha Offline OP
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His home is very near less than a few miles and I am working on more info

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