I figured if I was talking to Mr Foggy-Britches, the word �relationship� would mean more because that�s how he sees it.

If I have to lay claim to blame in here without placing it where it should be, then I know that�s exactly who I�m talking to. You know, the same pr*ck who got offended by be calling him that when he�s the one who�s lying, cheating, and being a pr*ck. The same one who probably has been calling me a b*tch for the past 5 months to his wh*re. Foggy WS do not like the truth, especially when it hurts.

Anyway... I�m glad the rest of the letter is good. It was difficult to write. I sound like a desperate crazy lady. Ugh!

Going through her friends list... The Wh*re had over 800 friends to choose from and she picked a married man. His profile still says married and so does hers even though she�s widowed.

Blech... today is her birthday.

mysticangel, I would FIRST go into a dark Plan B and then expose the affair. This way you don't have to deal with the fall out from your husband. He will probably be mad but if you are in Plan B, you won't know because you will have shut all avenues of contact!

A couple of housekeeping items:

1. did you put your IM's email address in the Plan B letter? The best way to communicate is via email because you will have it on record

2. Did you prepare a visitation schedule and make it clear your son is to be picked up from the drive way?

3. What is your plan for delivering the letter? You should not see him when you do this.

4. Does your IM understand that she should only pass on PERTINENT information about finances, visitation to you in her own words? He will send her rants and raves [and may even refuse to communicate through her at first] and she can't ever send those to you.

5. Did you tell your son about the affair? About your Plan B?

That was my plan. I don�t need fallout but I know I�ll get it anyway. I imagine he will try calling, texting, and threatening to turn off my phone, among other things. I don�t think he�ll honor the Plan B letter when SHTF with exposure. My gut says this will be a nightmare and to expect divorce papers as soon as he can legally file. He has to wait 48 days, unless he lies. I�m crying today. 6 weeks today and I�m holding on to the frayed end of the last thread of hope I can.


1- Yes, it is on the handwritten letter.

2- That is the project for today. I printed the state minimum and will work from there.

3- Ugh... so far all I have is sending DS out with the envelope and a note to take DS to McDonalds with the play area or the library. IM is busy this weekend and WH already promised DS he�d be back. I don�t know what day, yet. I can�t think of any other options. My DD might be able to take it out for me.

4- Not yet on either. I�m finalizing all the details. I will sit him down Friday at the latest.

This is the whole purpose of Plan B, mystic. It's going to revolutionize your life.

You are doing much more than that. Instead of reacting to the things he does, you are taking control.

Ok, so you need to anticipate any possible way he will try to contact you and shut that down when you go into Plan B. If you block him on your phone you won't be able to get calls or texts, I don't think. What other ways would he try to get through?

That would be a good thing if he files for divorce, because that way HE can pay for the judge who will hand him his [censored] for abandoning his family with no financial resources. You will be given court ordered financial support from him and that is a good thing.

I want to assure you that while this is so distressing right now, you will feel 1000% better in a few weeks! Just keep walking forward, my dear friend! I promise it will get better.


I would get your letter and the visitation schedule ready and find a way to get this to him today. Do you have someone who can take this to him?

I tried to give up this week. I tried to hate him even. Lord knows he�s done enough to earn it. There�s a part of me that wants to let go, move on, get this over with but the bigger part still fights for our 17 years together and nearly 15 years married.

I�m reading the book The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson on how to rebuild myself after this devastating experience. It�s helping with understanding the process and stages of grief, how their different between death and abandonment. It�s a great read.... except that I see WH on almost every page. I see his lasting effects from his past abandonments. He needs this book too. I need to finish it for me but it hurts because I�m feeling sympathy for him.

I was reminded 3 times last Wednesday that I�m still in love with him. Butterflies when I saw him get out of the truck. His patience with his son; he was willing to let DS sleep a little longer. When I finally got DS up, WH had fallen asleep in the chair about an hour later. I felt hopeless at the time, but I covered WH with a blanket before I went back to the bedroom to give them peace. WH doesn�t sleep well and cat-naps. An hour later they were building wooden race cars from Lowe�s.

I feel stupidly hopeless and madly in love with a cheater. On Christmas, New Year�s, and last Thursday he mentioned the need for a mitten for his useless hand. No stores carry adult mittens in the area. He brought it up again Sunday while he was here because the temps were horrible. Stupid me made him one out of discarded material, by hand, no sewing machine. I spent 5 hours on it. Knowing my luck, he found a pair online, or since he said on Monday he was �trying to be nice� he�ll never use it, or more likely than the previous 2 predictions, the jealous wh*re will throw it away. At least she did in the dream I had last night.

UGH!!!! I hate this whole mess, every moment of it. I can�t seem to pull myself together, not even for DS�s sake right now. To some 6 weeks is too long to be suffering and feel I�ve been holding on to nothing. I have a counselor, I have meds, but I still feel so shattered.

I know, Plan B is for me, not my marriage, but I want my husband back.

Unless I email him or snail mail it to him. I have no way to get it to him until this weekend..

Here is a quote that has helped me immensely when I am going through hell:

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

I would stop romanticizing and fantasizing about your husband. Stop yourself from thinking it and stop writing it. Doing so does not help you one bit. You need to start REALITY TESTING your delusional thoughts.

The truth is that your husband is a cruel adulterer who has abandoned his family for his own selfish purposes. He is a horrible father who has done the worst possible thing for his son, left him to pursue his affair. He put his filthy affair above the best interest of his son.

You will come to see your husband in a more realistic light after you remove yourself from this situation.

Email would work *IF* you can then shut down that email account so he can't respond. Can you do that?

He abandoned his son for a HOE. He won't get a Father of the Year Award for that.

Hi MysticAngel, it is so hard to keep your head above water when you are in the midst of all the emotion. But you are doing great. If you focus on doing the action steps MelodyLane has given you, and try not to focus so much on how you are feeling as you go along, you will find that your feelings change when you have implemented plan B.

Feelings are reactions to external circumstances. They are symptoms. If you act to change the circumstances, your feelings will change - without you having to do anything specific to address them. I struggled to implement plan B initially, but once I had totally cut contact with my WH I was amazed at how calm and happy I became within a couple of weeks. When you remove the thing that is causing your trauma - your WH - it is amazing how quickly the world suddenly looks brighter. You will gain a whole new perspective on the situation and that will help you to make logical, sensible decisions that make life better for you and your son, regardless of what your WH chooses to do.

Get your Plan B going - you are going to feel so much better.

You literally can't control your feelings.

But you can control your circumstances - and your circumstances cause your feelings.

Get yourself into Plan B circumstances, and your feelings will stabilize.

Plan B is the best chance your marriage has, and the last chance your husband has to rise to the occasion and be the man you need.

It's also the only chance you'll have to feel good enough to go through marital recovery if your husband wakes up. If you don't Plan B, then by the time he wakes up you'll hate him and your marriage will never recover.

Plan B puts you on two parallel tracks of recovery - one where you recover alone, one where you recover your marriage. Avoiding Plan B or doing it wrong takes you off of the path to either of these recoveries.

To those who have used Plan B SUCCESSFULLY to rebuild their marriage:

Plan B clearly states no contact about anything except limited topics and those go through a 3rd party who filters out all unapproved topics.

How in hell is a WS supposed to say anything about wanting to come back?
There is no clause in either the Plan B letter or the IM instructions.

My WH is the type of person who will take someone else�s word at final value. In Plan B case, no contact means no contact, permanently, unless I make the first move. That�s not my move to make. That�s not my choice. He has to make that decision.

The point of Plan B is to protect your mental health. It does not rebuild your marriage but removes you from a dangerous situation so a) your remaining love is protected and b) your mental health is not destroyed. NOT going into Plan B makes it more likely you will end up divorced.


He can demonstrate to the IM that he is willing to meet the conditions in your Plan B letter.


Yes, he should take the plan b letter seriously in that unless he meets your conditions he gets no access to you. If he won't meet your conditions, then he is a dangerous person who should be avoided.

Mysticangel, keep in mind that your Plan B letter gives all the instructions about how he gets access to you, he meets your conditions! Your IM should get a copy of this letter so she knows that when he ends his affair and commits to a program of recovery that she can relay that information to you.

It would not be possible to get through affair recovery unless a WH is hat in hand and so shocked at his adultery that he is driven and proactive. A BW can only make a 'first move' towards a false recovery. So the 'first move' to true recovery is not your problem! Nor are the second, third or fourth. This is not your mess to clean up.




There's no hatred or 'giving up' in plan b. It's extremely respectful to the 15 years you've spent together. You're making it possible for all that time to be protected in your memory and heart and kept separate from his affair behaviour. To maintain your high standards.

It's hard to imagine now but it's not a choice between mentally throwing him to the wolves and eating your heart out. Plan B puts your love to sleep, so that if he ever does come home, you can awaken it. But you would be perfectly comfortable and happy either way.