The IM filters out everything except coordinating about the children, and a message from the WS that says "I have ended all contact with my affair partner for life and am willing to meet all the conditions you said for us to recover our marriage - with no exceptions."

mysticangel, something you need to really work on and accept: If your husband came in tomorrow and said "I want to come back," with no questions asked you would doomed to failure. If he came back without committing to making radical changes you would be doomed to a life of more affairs. That would be a disaster.

So unless he makes radical changes in his approach to being a husband, you need to stay away from him. i want to make sure you fully understand this because just getting him back won't be sufficient unless you want to damn yourself to a life of hell.

Really listen to this. I've never seen a blank cheque of forgiveness given to a WS end well. Thats in the short time ive been here. Imagine how many more greek tragedies Melody Lane has sat through.

Has your husband had any other affairs?

Who are you working with since your suicide attempt? Do you have a social worker? Would you mind emailing me at **EDIT**

I know it takes both partners to reconcile. My WH needs a reality check and a swift kick in the @$$. He needs to wake the hell up out of little fantasy with his wh*re.
He knows I'll only take him back if he's willing to work on the issues we had prior to him hooking up with this sl*t.

I am in hell right now and doing my damnedest to climb out, alone. My friends & family all clam up when I say the evil A word. The F word is more socially acceptable. Yes, my pr*ck of a WH left for a desperate wh*re. It's my F'ing choice to fight or wait or work through this to let go on my own time. As of tonight, I want my husband back and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get him out of his affair fog and out of that b*tch's house.

I have a counselor, psychiatrist, psych nurse, & case worker through the same behavioral health service company. I'm hoping to join the women's group next week. I have the numbers for crisis lines too if I can't wait to see my counselor. There's also an unofficial 23 hour emergency bed. It does not go on my record as a psych ward visit or anything that can be used against me. I have resources, just not from my personal life.

The question I wanted to ask tonight is, if exposure to my friends & family doesn't and hasn't done anything. Why should I think that telling their family & friends will matter other than some crazy b*tch is messaging strangers.

Plus, FB now has the filtered messages system. I could be unseen for months.

This is good to hear!!


Would you want me to work with your counselor to figure out the best plan for you? i would be willing to communicate with her and keep Dr. Harley in the loop too. I spoke to him today and he agrees that Plan B is absolutely the right thing to do immediately.

Telling her friends and family will put pressure on the affair because some people who know the truth won't allow them in their homes. It helps hasten the death of the affair when some people shun cheaters.


Usually they see it right away. I get a notification when I am sent a message request. [just happened Monday]

HOWEVER, I would strongly advise that you first go into Plan B and get settled. Worry about exposure later! The most immediate problem is getting safely into Plan B.

MelodyLane helped me and my sister off the boards by email and it was a tremendous help. I encourage you to email her.

I hope you get into Plan B as soon as possible so that you can start to feel some relief. I'm incredibly thankful that I had friends (MelodyLane was one of them!) to help me get into Plan B very very quickly at a time in my life when I was really not doing very well (panic attacks, heart palpitations). Without Plan B, I honestly don't know what could have happened.

Hang in there.

I agree. Focus on Plan B first, because your health is the most important thing, for you and your child.

Has he had an affair before?

He had a 2 month PA in winter 2006.
I had a w 2 month online EA in 2011.

We reconciled from both.

We lost our physical intimacy in the last 1-2 years and he mentioned we lost our deeper communication. Fixable issues.

It was lost very likely because he was having an affair. But he blamed it on you. So you have been jumping through hoops for years trying to please someone who was impossible to please because he was getting action elsewhere. For all you know, there have been many more affairs.

It looks like you guys didn't do everything that was needed to permanently recover from these affairs. Don't accept anything less than full recovery in the future - that includes enthusiastic, wholehearted agreement to taking extraordinary precautions that will prevent another affair ever happening in the future.

If your husband is not jumping through hoops knocking himself out bending over backwards to make a future affair impossible, don't even try it because you are going to be back in this situation again and again and it is going to hurt worse every time.

I had sexual dysfunctions due to depression. That IS MY fault and I know it. I was rarely in the mood.
The other issue was that we expected each other to respond as if our partner were us. He�d hit the.. um.. direct lines of sexual contact and I�d go for the long warm up. Lots of physical miscommunication without much verbal communication.

Contact with this wh*re started the last weekend of July 2017.

I completely understand why you were depressed. You have had a bad marriage where your needs were not met. The #1 reason women are depressed is because of a bad marriage.

You explain it all here:


Women need affection and conversation to feel sexual desire and you were not getting that. He was not meeting your needs at all which caused the depression which CAUSED your sexual aversion.

If he had done a better job of meeting your needs, you would have met his. Women need two things to feel sexual desire, an emotional attachment and the prospect of enjoyment. He didn't meet that need.

You had sexual aversion.

**EDIT**

moderator's note: please clean up the cussing. Thanks

My sexual dysfunction was due to severe major depressive disorder and perimenopause. I was diagnosed at 13. I've been on and off meds since then. I'm 42 years old. PM started at 38. Those were the causes, not my marriage, not my husband.

I love my husband even through this disgusting mess he's put us through. I am not willing to give up yet. I see where we both went wrong and I want the chance to fix it.