I think Ruby means she should have walked away from the relationship back when she posted initially. Not walk away from today's discussion.

Is that what you meant, Ruby?

I should have run the other way. I could have spared myself heartache, I�m at work..checking in when I can. I�m sick over the whole thing. My stress level is making me physically ill. My holy cow was from reading the thread from 05. Yuck. I married the SOB in Dec. 05.

Ruby, what Dr Harley typically recommends in these situations is a complete separation, Plan B, until and unless your H makes a radical and demonstrated change in his lifestyle. As you can see, nothing has changed in all these years. The reason he makes this recommendation is because women suffer devastating emotional and physical harm from staying in marriages like this.

Sorry, I misunderstood. Disregard my last 2 posts.

Agree.

Just want to add that your WH has been enabled for so so long that it is going to be very difficult for him to change his ways. Not only does he feel entitled to get his needs met outside of marriage, this has simply become a way of life for him.

I totally agree. But it�s too late for plan B. At this moment...I want out..... Screw the intensive if we are accepted....which I doubt we will be. The logistics are too hard to begin any extraordinary precautions on his end. He might be leaving on another trip around first of March.

Plan B would be perfect for you regardless of your future intentions. The purpose of plan b is to protect your emotional and physical health. Staying in direct touch with him will keep you weak and heartsick. If you end contact with him completely, you will start to feel so much better.

I did this with my XH after I remarried and it made an amazing difference in my life. I think it can have the same effect for you too. I simply sent him a message letting him know I was not interested in any communication in the future and to please not contact me again.

If you do this, it will give you a chance to become emotionally healed and that will restore your judgement. Its hard to keep a clear head when you stay in contact.

I haven�t seen him since Oct. 16. That�s when he left on this last trip. Though we�ve kept in touch via text or email only. If I added up all the total days I�ve seen him from Jan 5th of 2017 to date....under 60 days. I would leave when he came home. Drive home when he left on a trip.

I would work on ending all contact and getting separated. Do you still live together?

Also, is he supporting you? I would strongly suggest you reach out to an attorney and get financial protection in place. I don't know your financial situation, but you don't want to place yourself in a precarious situation.

Here How to Plan B Correctly

Do you have any children together?

I�m going to tell our story. Will be a long post. Bare with me. I typed it early this a.m but didn�t post it. I copied it. Brb.

There is no too late when it comes to Plan B. It can be initiated at any time and has nothing to do with whether you intend to stay married or not. I initiated Plan B even though I knew for about 100% certainty that I was going to be pursuing a divorce.

My H's job involves him being overseas from anywhere from 3 weeks to 5 months at a time with the Job he has now (5 year). 7 years before this job he was also traveling overseas but never gone more than 4 weeks...usually 2 to 3 weeks at a time. He hasn't been home to make extraordinary changes. This whole trickle down discovery begin in 2015 when I found an email where he'd been corresponding with a man regarding hooking up with me. he solicited me on Craigslist as though we were swingers. I asked him why he would ever do this. His response: I'd never act out on this. it's a fantasy. I'll never do it again.

He did do it again. I found another email in Nov of 16 soliciting me, only this time he had put links to my pictures..however when I clicked on them the link had been removed. Back to pictures ....my H had taken pics of me for years. He became obsessed with photography, I was his subject matter, cute pics, in between the risqu� ones. He wanted me to be more graphic and I�d comply. He,d spend hours on his laptop using his photography software. Pictures I thought were for his eyes only. Fun and playful between husband and wife. I had NO idea the depths of his violation and betrayals. I had no idea that I was feeding his addiction, none zero. I made/watched him delete every single picture of me off his laptop in Dec of 16. It pissed him off. I will never take another picture for him again ever.

I�m in shock, trying to process this. In disbelief. Asking why he would do this, his answer: it made him turned on that other men were wanting to be with me and insanely jealous. ...He left on Jan 5th of 17, this was the beginning of my asking questions. I asked him how long he has been putting my pictures on the internet to which I found out over 8 years. Who fn does this to the person they are supposed to cherish and protect? I found out that on these adult sites that he would be pretending to be me answering these men. I had no clue. What he did is a felony. In may of 17 I told him I wanted him to buy me out of this house. As well as compensate me for paying off his car, with money I�d made before marriage and had in savings. Came to 92 k. I actually took the money in late July at his insistence. Then got pissed because I did. In early September he went to one individual session with my therapist. His idea. She then saw us together one session. She said that we should take some time away from each other, didn�t have to be permanent, just to think about what we both want. As we we were at a stale mate.

Hurricane n August left all but 7 homes on our street spared by inches. We took a in couple, who flooded, the wife a dear friend. Stayed with us for a week. H and I were getting gas for generators when they called to let us know power was on. September He stopped pumping, paid, got in the car and told me to get the F out of his house, to get the neighbors out as soon as possible...he was horrible. Did I mention he is on horse steroids? Yep. Makes him crazy and hyper sexual. Hid that for a while too. Another thing I�ve asked him to get off of for the last few years. Anyhoo....I stayed for a few more days helping this couple tear out Sheetrock.


I left sept 4th. Stayed w my sister 280 miles away. II bought a condo in another state on September 22, cash. Returned hm 9/24. Bought With hopes that it would have been an investment property.But also as insurance for me to have a place to live if he doesn't get his [censored] together. While I was away I received hundreds of text telling me that he wanted me home so we could work things out that we can fix this. Professing his love devotion. The last week of September H tells me to get out of the house again and to quit slow rolling him, then the next day says it�s okay to stay. At this point I�m so sick of the constant yo-yo that I booked a U-Haul for the 12th. Loaded up and drove to the condo over the weekend of Oct 13-15 He texted me thousands of times to please "lets fix this" "I love you". But while he's telling me this via text, he hired a prostitute on the 14th she came to our marital home. My neighbor heard them in the hot tub. He denied denied denied that there was anyone at the house. He picked me up at the airport on Oct 15th. On October 16th a monday, his flight was at 7pm. He had a doctors appt that a.m. I asked him again to just tell me the truth who was here. Deny deny deny. He left for appt. I have no Idea what possessed me but I went through the garbage. I found his spent condom and her vaginal wipe in the kitchen garbage can.

I took that [censored], put it in a baggie and stuffed it in his slippers in his Packed bag. When he got home from his appointment he went and got out his slippers. He was busted. All he said was I don't want to be in a sexless marriage. I'd had sex with him on Thursday the 12th. He has never been in a sexless marriage. Anyway...No remorse, Zero. We basically didn't talk for the next 2 hours. He was watching t.v and started stroking his [censored] and asked me to service him. I can't make this crap up. I told him he needed to leave that moment...to go to his office to wait for his flight. He did. I contacted an attorney. H has agreed to the terms of an uncontested divorce. All I need to do is to Retain the attorney. I've been at my condo since Oct 23rd. H has consistently texted me to please come home so we can fix things....while at the same time buying bondage toys which I saw on the amazon account when I was buying Christmas presents for his son's child.

I had no idea that he began cheating on me with random strangers/prostitues until Feb 7th 2018 via an email he sent to me disclosing his indiscretions. He sent the disclosure because he knew he would have to tell me everything with the CSAT. I guess thinking that if he came clean then he wouldn't need to go to any sort of counseling. That we could go forward and put the past behind us. It doesn't work like that.
H got back home on Feb 9th, He'd begged me to not file...I haven't. He is the one who said he would do anything and everything to save our marriage. That remains to be seen. I am going to go to our marital home for 13 days. One day to have our phone consultation with the Therapist. If he takes our case on then I will stay to do the intensive. If he doesn't accept us....and my H doesn't show me a plan of what he is going to do to safe guard our marriage then I will go to the attorney and retain his services. I will know what I need to do in the next couple weeks. I have done everything in my power to try to save this marriage. The ball is in his court.

Did you have a question for us about Marriage Builders?

Ruby, are you reading our posts?

He claims he wore a condom and I have had zero issues down there. I think the intensive requires testing.