Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
ruby #3002953 03/01/18 04:21 PM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Ruby what amazing news! My own NC tips are:

1) Blocking is key. Well done for getting started but keep going. New number and email address that he can't access from an unknown number, be prepared to throw away mail unopened, get an intermediary (there's a thread on here somewhere) and block your friends from passing messages. Literally hang up on them.
2) Keep busy. What kind of stuff hasn't been getting done while the life has been getting drained out of you? What dreams big and small can you go after now you don't have an anchor weighing you down? Every weekend now needs to be planned ahead.
3) Treat both alcohol and men like they are nuclear devices.
4) This may be a me-thing but funny movies, pedicures and girls nights in got me further than anything else.
5) pack away momentos and photos, don't moon over his horoscope, and snap an elastic band on your wrist every time you slip into 'what if' land.
6) Keep on logging in for support and accountability. If you slip up, you'll have to confess to us. If you don't confess we can tell anyway. This last one was the only thing that kept me in line one crazy night.

Oh and welcome to your new life!

Last edited by indiegirl; 03/01/18 04:22 PM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
The IM training thread is in here in the Plan B Correctly thread.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



ruby #3002981 03/04/18 11:20 AM
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 275
R
ruby Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 275
Thanks Indiegirl and brainhurts. I'm not doing NC because I am in hopes of saving the marriage. I'm doing NC to protect myself, self care...I am just ready for this to be totally over with so I can close this 14 year chapter of my life. Thanks for all the support...and of course all the support you give to others on this website/forum.

ruby #3002989 03/04/18 04:21 PM
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
That is exactly the reason that everyone should do NC. Regardless of what they later decide. I think you'll do great.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

ruby #3005041 07/04/18 03:53 PM
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 275
R
ruby Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 275
Jus wanted to update . On July 3rd, I became officially divorced. The last 18 months have been absolutely gut wrenching. In February, I received an email disclosure of my husbands infidelity. 6 women 2 prostitutes. Fast forward to May, I have basically been house sitting for my husband since feb 28th as he was traveling abroad for over 4 months. When he got home, I was packing up to leave and he asked me to please hold off on the divorce. That he would begin therapy. He went for 10 sessions, he really liked her and was getting a lot out of the session.

In a conversation, he asked me what I needed to fix things. Told him I needed him to take a polygraph so there were no more lies or deceit and if he told me everything in his first disclosure, then he wouldn�t have a problem. He refused. He went to a therapy session on the following day. Then told me she wanted to see us both the next day. I wasn�t prepared....I wasn�t prepared to have him give me a full disclosure....it was done so wrong. But, the truth set him free. 22....22 women, most in the last 7 years of our marriage. Not emotional affairs, just sex with basically random strangers he hooked up with on dating sites. Sick...so sick this man is. Anyway, though he was going to therapy he did none of the things the therapist said were imperative in making me feel safe before leaving on his next trip abroad. That was it....I demanded he meet me to sign the uncontested divorce papers on jun 18th. He did, he left on his trip on 20th. He returns on 15th. Staying here till 14th. Enjoying the last couple weeks....of the yard I made into an oasis, the pool that I kept spotless....I�m am at such amazing peace.....knowing he is no longer my problem, at peace knowing his addiction, his sickness is no longer my problem.

God has lead through this....I am so thankful for his blessings.....and I�m also thankful that the divorce was amicable....and my ex-husband and I are friends.

That�s it....thanks for reading and carry on.

ruby #3005042 07/04/18 04:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788
Likes: 2
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788
Likes: 2
Originally Posted by ruby
I�m am at such amazing peace.....knowing he is no longer my problem, at peace knowing his addiction, his sickness is no longer my problem.

God has lead through this....I am so thankful for his blessings.....and I�m also thankful that the divorce was amicable....and my ex-husband and I are friends.

That�s it....thanks for reading and carry on.

Well done Ruby and congratulations on getting this done quickly and efficiently. Now please stay in Plan B for the rest of your life. No being 'friends with your XH'. That will destroy your peace in a heartbeat.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
ruby #3005043 07/05/18 10:15 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818
Likes: 7
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818
Likes: 7
Originally Posted by ruby
I'm doing NC to protect myself, self care...

Glad to hear you were able to get free, Ruby. Don't forget to keep this up so you can maintain your peace and recover.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
ruby #3005044 07/05/18 10:18 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818
Likes: 7
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818
Likes: 7
Originally Posted by ruby
Anyway, though he was going to therapy he did none of the things the therapist said were imperative in making me feel safe before leaving on his next trip abroad.

I don't know what the therapist was recommending, but there's simply no way you could feel safe in a marriage with nights apart like that. Especially nights apart in separate countries. Especially nights apart when your husband has a history of offensive sexual behavior. If there are any rare exceptions to this in the world they aren't situations where one spouse has a history of infidelity or sex addiction.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
Page 7 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,084 guests, and 80 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil, daveamec, janyline
71,836 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5