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My Wife had a one night stand when she was out visiting her Dad for a week while we were going some issues in Janruary 2016

To this day, she still refuses to call what she did cheating. She claims that at the time, she considered herself single even though we were married.

Apparently. Around the same time, she also slept with her best friend of 7 years who supposedly is gay. I didn't find that out until a whole year and a half afterwards once she finally admitted it.

And during the entire time, she's talking and sending naked pictures to other guys on the internet. She said that She did it for attention because I wasn't giving it to her and she thought she was hot looking and liked all the attention she was getting and that she kept on doing it and couldn't stop.

Come to find out that in November of last year, she started talking and sending naked pictures again to multiple different men on the internet. Now she wants a divorce and is ready to move out next week and says that she isn't in love with me anymore and that she needs to focus on herself and that she doesn't know who she is anymore, etc, etc.

She doesn't know that I know about the recent findings 3 months ago and I've tried getting her to admit to it but she keeps telling me that she's being 100% honest and that she isnt getting a divorce to go run off with some guy.

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Post merged to previous thread. Please stick to one thread.

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Originally Posted by NickS
Come to find out that in November of last year, she started talking and sending naked pictures again to multiple different men on the internet. Now she wants a divorce and is ready to move out next week and says that she isn't in love with me anymore and that she needs to focus on herself and that she doesn't know who she is anymore, etc, etc.

Nick, Marriage Builders can help in marriages where a spouse has a single affair, but there is nothing we can do when a spouse is actively trolling for action. For example, she is not having affairs because of unmet needs, she is having them because she searching them out. My suggestion would be to let her leave but consult an attorney to make sure you have legal protection.

I would also try and get a good men's attorney so you can get full custody of your children. You don't want your children exposed to the revolving door of men in her life. They won't be safe.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by NickS
Come to find out that in November of last year, she started talking and sending naked pictures again to multiple different men on the internet. Now she wants a divorce and is ready to move out next week and says that she isn't in love with me anymore and that she needs to focus on herself and that she doesn't know who she is anymore, etc, etc.

Nick, Marriage Builders can help in marriages where a spouse has a single affair, but there is nothing we can do when a spouse is actively trolling for action. For example, she is not having affairs because of unmet needs, she is having them because she searching them out. My suggestion would be to let her leave but consult an attorney to make sure you have legal protection.

I would also try and get a good men's attorney so you can get full custody of your children. You don't want your children exposed to the revolving door of men in her life. They won't be safe.


Thank you, this is something that I was dreading. That there's nothing to that can be done to save the marriage. I wanted to desperately keep our family together but sometimes I guess it's just not possible.

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Nick you are throwing away almost 20 pages of the best anti adultery advice you can get. With both hands.

Being scared WHILE you expose, is normal. Prerty sure my hands shook throughout. But we do this knowing that addictions can't be tended to in the darkness.

If you are TOO scared to act, this is hopeless.

Of course she is attacking you. She is a desperate addict. You are cast as her victim. She will use everything she can to attack you.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Nick you are throwing away almost 20 pages of the best anti adultery advice you can get. With both hands.

Being scared WHILE you expose, is normal. Prerty sure my hands shook throughout. But we do this knowing that addictions can't be tended to in the darkness.

If you are TOO scared to act, this is hopeless.

Of course she is attacking you. She is a desperate addict. You are cast as her victim. She will use everything she can to attack you.

This thread is an older one. I made a new one that reflects the current situation.

Wife wants a divorce, says not in love anymore

I won't say that I didn't play a part in our marriage coming to this point, I'm not exactly innocent either.

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Originally Posted by PhoenixMB
Post merged to previous thread. Please stick to one thread.
It was merged into the wrong thread.

This thread is two years old and doesn't reflect the current situation I'm now experiencing. Can you please merge the last few posts into this one.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...-a-divorce-says-not-in-love-anymore.html

Thanks

Last edited by NickS; 02/15/18 10:18 AM.
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It is good to show others reading this thread what happens when you enable a serial cheater and refuse to expose: the cheater keeps cheating and the end result is likely divorce anyway.

It's the death of a thousand cuts.


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Nick, Marriage Builders can help in marriages where a spouse has a single affair, but there is nothing we can do when a spouse is actively trolling for action. For example, she is not having affairs because of unmet needs, she is having them because she searching them out. My suggestion would be to let her leave but consult an attorney to make sure you have legal protection.

I would also try and get a good men's attorney so you can get full custody of your children. You don't want your children exposed to the revolving door of men in her life. They won't be safe.

You are getting lost in the weeds again. It doesn't matter what fogbabble your WW spews at you.

Your #1 objective should be protecting your children right now from a fogged out serial cheater who is trying to take your kids away from you. You need to see a lawyer ASAP.

Waywards use children to normalize their affairs and it is very common for these children to be exposed to affair partners. We've had other WSs here allow roommates to molest their children etc because they were not paying attention, etc.

I sure hope you have been documenting your WW's activities.

Last edited by SusieQ; 02/15/18 10:52 AM.

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Originally Posted by SusieQ
It is good to show others reading this thread what happens when you enable a serial cheater and refuse to expose: the cheater keeps cheating and the end result is likely divorce anyway.

It's the death of a thousand cuts.

Well, I did an exposure. Just not the way that's described here.. And it actually did stop for awhile. Exposing it to her dad was enough in of itself to get her to reconsider her separating and stop the internet infidelity.

Apparently she thinks very highly of her dad, he's the only support system she has. She told me that her Dad took my side and she was mad that he didn't back her up. She said that she was embarrassed when he found out what she was doing.

I actually did go through her phone several times during 2016 when the internet infidelity stopped. And it actually did stop. I went through her phone several times. She wasn't using the app that started it all anymore...

Until near the end of 2017. In September I noticed that she started using the same app again that started these problems before. That for me started ringing alarm bells. And of course i went through her phone again after thanksgiving last year for the first time since August 2016. And to my suspicion, she was doing the same thing again.

So yes, it did stop...And it started up again at some point last year

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Originally Posted by NickS
[

Well, I did an exposure. Just not the way that's described here.. And it actually did stop for awhile. Exposing it to her dad was enough in of itself to get her to reconsider her separating and stop the internet infidelity.

Nick, when we say exposure we don't mean just one person. A trickle exposure is like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight, you just get your @ss shot off. it is of little effect. As you can see. Even so, I doubt even a comprehensive exposure would help at this point because your wife's waywardism is so entrenched via enabling.

Anyway, I hate to be a wet rag but I don't see her ever stopping. If I were you, I would get legal protection as soon as you can. You can't change her against her will.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by NickS
[

Well, I did an exposure. Just not the way that's described here.. And it actually did stop for awhile. Exposing it to her dad was enough in of itself to get her to reconsider her separating and stop the internet infidelity.

Nick, when we say exposure we don't mean just one person. A trickle exposure is like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight, you just get your @ss shot off. it is of little effect. As you can see. Even so, I doubt even a comprehensive exposure would help at this point because your wife's waywardism is so entrenched via enabling.

Anyway, I hate to be a wet rag but I don't see her ever stopping. If I were you, I would get legal protection as soon as you can. You can't change her against her will.


You're probably right as much as I hate to admit it. Although I feel like at this point, it wouldn't hurt to do a comprehensive exposure. Atleast her friends and family will know who she truly is.

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Originally Posted by NickS
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by NickS
[

Well, I did an exposure. Just not the way that's described here.. And it actually did stop for awhile. Exposing it to her dad was enough in of itself to get her to reconsider her separating and stop the internet infidelity.

Nick, when we say exposure we don't mean just one person. A trickle exposure is like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight, you just get your @ss shot off. it is of little effect. As you can see. Even so, I doubt even a comprehensive exposure would help at this point because your wife's waywardism is so entrenched via enabling.

Anyway, I hate to be a wet rag but I don't see her ever stopping. If I were you, I would get legal protection as soon as you can. You can't change her against her will.


You're probably right as much as I hate to admit it. Although I feel like at this point, it wouldn't hurt to do a comprehensive exposure. Atleast her friends and family will know who she truly is.

I agree, but more importantly, you need to get legal protection so she is not dragging your kids through her sordid lifestyle. You are ALL they have!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by NickS
So yes, it did stop...And it started up again at some point last year

Or in other words it didn't stop.

Originally Posted by NickS
Originally Posted by indiegirl
Nick you are throwing away almost 20 pages of the best anti adultery advice you can get. With both hands.

Being scared WHILE you expose, is normal. Prerty sure my hands shook throughout. But we do this knowing that addictions can't be tended to in the darkness.

If you are TOO scared to act, this is hopeless.

Of course she is attacking you. She is a desperate addict. You are cast as her victim. She will use everything she can to attack you.

This thread is an older one. I made a new one that reflects the current situation.

Wife wants a divorce, says not in love anymore

I won't say that I didn't play a part in our marriage coming to this point, I'm not exactly innocent either.


No kidding! You've been married to a serial cheat, cheating barely a few years in and you haven't been a saint. What a shocker. Well how on earth do you expect fidelity from a serial cheat unless you've been perfect at all times in the past? Saying sorry and asking for forgiveness and changing habits only for normal non abusive marriages where this kind of thing isn't used as abuse currency . A serial cheat seeks out and provokes flaws so they have something to hold over you always.

She has PUBLICLY started her gaslighting of you purely to keep you in place while she continues her addiction.

Good grief man. Expose.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by NickS
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by NickS
[

Well, I did an exposure. Just not the way that's described here.. And it actually did stop for awhile. Exposing it to her dad was enough in of itself to get her to reconsider her separating and stop the internet infidelity.

Nick, when we say exposure we don't mean just one person. A trickle exposure is like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight, you just get your @ss shot off. it is of little effect. As you can see. Even so, I doubt even a comprehensive exposure would help at this point because your wife's waywardism is so entrenched via enabling.

Anyway, I hate to be a wet rag but I don't see her ever stopping. If I were you, I would get legal protection as soon as you can. You can't change her against her will.


You're probably right as much as I hate to admit it. Although I feel like at this point, it wouldn't hurt to do a comprehensive exposure. Atleast her friends and family will know who she truly is.

Don't forget that your children are the most important targets for they will be exposed to many dangers and poor lessons unless they are appropriately warned.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by NickS
Well, I did an exposure. Just not the way that's described here..

Telling one person is not "exposure". I know that you read the Exposure 101 thread so I know that you know that.

A full exposure does not mean that a serial cheater is going to stop anyway. The serial cheater needs to implement super duper extraordinary precautions (EPs) which for your WW would include giving up the internet and would probably mean staying with you 24/7.

A serial cheater who temporarily "stops" their affairs without EPs in place is MEANINGLESS. Your WW has been enabled for so long that I seriously doubt your she would ever agree to such a radical lifestyle change. I think in a way you know this - and I think that's part of the reason that you disappeared from your thread in 2016.

Sorry to be blunt, Nick, but your own BS fog is a big part of the problem here.


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Again, I would just focus on legal protection for your kids #1 right now.

I'm worried that, for you, trying to implement a comprehensive exposure plan will be a repeat of last time (pages and pages of hand wringing and blogging about your WW's fogbabble), ie, precious time being wasted while your children need some looking out for their best interest.

Have you contacted a lawyer yet?



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Originally Posted by SusieQ
Again, I would just focus on legal protection for your kids #1 right now.

I'm worried that, for you, trying to implement a comprehensive exposure plan will be a repeat of last time (pages and pages of hand wringing and blogging about your WW's fogbabble), ie, precious time being wasted while your children need some looking out for their best interest.

Have you contacted a lawyer yet?


I have several that I'm going to call. I live in a big city so there's plenty to choose from.

As far as the exposure is concerned, how do I expose to hwe friends on Facebook? She doesn't have her friends visible, only mutual friends between me and her are visible.

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Originally Posted by NickS
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Again, I would just focus on legal protection for your kids #1 right now.

I'm worried that, for you, trying to implement a comprehensive exposure plan will be a repeat of last time (pages and pages of hand wringing and blogging about your WW's fogbabble), ie, precious time being wasted while your children need some looking out for their best interest.

Have you contacted a lawyer yet?


I have several that I'm going to call. I live in a big city so there's plenty to choose from.

As far as the exposure is concerned, how do I expose to hwe friends on Facebook? She doesn't have her friends visible, only mutual friends between me and her are visible.

Focus on the lawyer first. Exposure later. Your WW is preparing to leave now. There is no time to waste.


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