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NickS Offline OP
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For anybody who wants the whole backstory that lead to this, you can read my previous post that I made here 2 years ago. A little background on us, I'm 30 and my Wife is 24. We got got married at a young age, been married for 6 years, together for 7 and a half. We have 3 young kids, 5, 3, and 10 months.

Marriage in Crisis WARNING: Very Long!

I feel like to get everything out so you all know where this is coming from that I really should tell everything. But I was told my post was too long, so I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

So my Wife and I were about to go through a separation in January 2016, after some back and forth and the discovery of her talking to multiple different men online and having a one night stand, we decided to "work it out". Her reasoning for wanting the separation was that her emotional needs weren't being met and that I was being verbally abusive and had anger problems. And I agreed to work on them

Fast forward, to last year. We moved to a new state and ended up having another child in April and all seemed like it was going well between us. Well, my Wife was quiet the last few days and wouldn't say a word. Then she decides that she wants to talk and that's when she comes out and says that she wants a divorce. That she's not in love anymore and that she's been feeling this for a long time, that I started going back to my old ways with the anger and verbal abuse and that she can't do it anymore.

The conversation didn't last long other then her talking about child support, etc. We ended up talking two more times, there was more things that came out in the other discussions that didn't come out in the initial one.

She goes on to say that she wasn't ready to get married and that she was too young (she was 18 and I was 24), pressured to get married, etc. Then goes on to say that she needs to focus on herself, shes unhappy, doesn't know who she is anymore, etc, etc. She's not in love with me anymore, but she has love for me. But she doesn't know why she's not in love anymore. She said that she's been feeling this way atleast since the middle of last year, that we wouldn't talk alot and it seemed like all our relationship was about was nothing but sex all the time. She told me that it felt like that's all I cared about. Originally, her biggest emotional need was affection. So I tried to be more affectionate with her but I always got the cold shoulder when I tried. She said that because our relationship didn't start out with us being affectionate, that starting now was weird to her after not having it for so many years. Then of course there honesty issues aswell, she can't get over the fact that I was snooping on her and she feels like I'm watching her all the time.

Then she goes on to say that she feels like all she does is depend on me for everything and that she's tired of it. She wants to do it on her own.

To make a long story short, she's ready to leave and take the kids. She went out and got a separate bank account yesterday and got some moving boxes. She's planning on moving out next week, she's moving into her Dad's tiny 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo across town. She's going to attend phlebotomy school for 9 months while working at her part time job 3 days a week for which she makes $9.50 and hour at. She told me that the two older girls are going to sleep in the same sofa bed with her while the baby will be in her play crib, all in the same room. She says that once she moves out, she's going to start going to counseling for her depression and her sexual abuse, but I don;t know why she couldn't have done it when we were together.

To add some more to the back story, my Wife was sexually abused when she was younger and raped by a boyfriend. She's had depression and bipolar since we met, she was taking anti depressants but she hasn't taken them since 2010. She also has a problem with marijuana. She's been smoking it since I met her.

Now I've asked several times already if she's been talking to anyone else. She repeatedly says that she isn't and that she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she needs to focus on herself, she was actually offended that I even asked her, She says that she's been 100% honest. But I cant help but think that she's been up to her hold habits of sending explicit pictures and having conversations on the internet with different men since she's already done it in the past.

I had a gut feeling in my stomach that something wasn't right, so I decided to go through in November of 2017. A few days after Thanksgiving. And to my shock I found her having two conversations with two different guys on an anonymous chat app called Whisper. The one guy she was talking to lived half way across the country and supposedly was a cop. She sent him all kinds of explicitly naked pictures and were having sexual conversations. The conversation was quite long so I didn't really have time to go through everything. But she was telling this guy how her marriage wasn't working and how I'm verbally abusive, etc. The second guy she was talking to, there wasn't much going on. When I originally went through her phone, there hadn't been any recent communication with these men in over a week.

Now even right now, she hasn't admitted to it. And I've already asked her several times if she's been talking to anybody at all in the past few months and she keeps saying that she's being completely honest.

She went on to say that marriage is just a piece of paper. She believes that she has hope that we'll get back together once we've "focused" on ourselves and gone to counseling to address our issues.

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NickS Offline OP
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I should also add that my Wife won't goto any marriage counseling. Says she's "past that".

She also has been saying that she has a confidence issue. So she's been putting on makeup and doing her hair now whenever she leaves for work. She's also refusing to get undressed now infront of me. She'll take her clothes and get dressed in the bathroom

Last edited by NickS; 02/14/18 09:39 PM.
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Did you ever get spyware on her phone? Have you checked who these OM are? Are they married?

Did you ever expose her other affairs?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Have you read this and listened to the radio clips? Serial Cheaters


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Did you ever get spyware on her phone? Have you checked who these OM are? Are they married?

Did you ever expose her other affairs?


You can't really find much information on the guys she was talking to since it's an anonymous app. But the cop did send her a picture and claimed that he was married.

I'll be honest, I didn't expose the other affairs. Atleast not in the way it's recommended here.

I went to her dad and told him what was going on and how she was talking to different men. I didn't actually show him the conversations.

Well after that he had a talk with my Wife and according to her, he ripped her a new one and actually took my side and flat out told her that she was acting like her mom.

He told her that she need to stop what she was doing and work on whatever differences we had. She didn't like any of that, she said that She was embarrassed that her Dad found out about it and she was also upset that he wasn't backing her up.

She says that her Dad is her only support system. Her Dad is partly responsible for us not separating in the first place two years ago bevause her dad is practically the only person she'll listen to since she's so close to him. Her mother ran out on her when she was 17.

I haven't said anything to Her Dad about the conversations I found on her phone last November.

I'm waiting to go through her phone again tomorrow since I haven't gone through it in more then 3 months.

Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Have you read this and listened to the radio clips? Serial Cheaters

No I haven't, I'll take a look thanks.

Last edited by NickS; 02/14/18 09:53 PM.
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Serial cheating is fundamentally different from normal adultery in that the serial cheater is trolling for action. Like a heroin user, they get hooked. Their 'high' is the chase. Protecting their 'drug' becomes the most important thing in their lives. That is why you can never believe a word any cheater tells you so stop asking her.

They also typically have an excuse. My serial cheating ex had a father who openly trolled for action whilst his mother turned her head the other way. Of course there are plenty of people who have cheating parents that decide not to go that route. Cheating is a choice.

Your problem is that it sounds as if your angry outbursts have caused her to fall out of love with you. That did not justify her cheating but it means that you have two problems. Angry outbursts are a choice too.

You have three young children who will be exposed to a very dangerous lifestyle if you do not save your marriage. But saving this marriage is going to be brutal. Your wife will need to agree to having only a dumb phone and no internet access. She will also need to be supervised 24/7. Are you up for that or would you rather fight for 100% custody of your children.

Those are the only two choices you have.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
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Originally Posted by living_well
Serial cheating is fundamentally different from normal adultery in that the serial cheater is trolling for action. Like a heroin user, they get hooked. Their 'high' is the chase. Protecting their 'drug' becomes the most important thing in their lives. That is why you can never believe a word any cheater tells you so stop asking her.

They also typically have an excuse. My serial cheating ex had a father who openly trolled for action whilst his mother turned her head the other way. Of course there are plenty of people who have cheating parents that decide not to go that route. Cheating is a choice.

Your problem is that it sounds as if your angry outbursts have caused her to fall out of love with you. That did not justify her cheating but it means that you have two problems. Angry outbursts are a choice too.

You have three young children who will be exposed to a very dangerous lifestyle if you do not save your marriage. But saving this marriage is going to be brutal. Your wife will need to agree to having only a dumb phone and no internet access. She will also need to be supervised 24/7. Are you up for that or would you rather fight for 100% custody of your children.

Those are the only two choices you have.


I won't lie, I know that I contributed to the marriage getting to this point. As I said before, I'm no angel.

How would I go about supervising her 24/7 though? We both work.

I'm not sure what else to do at this point. She's ready to go. She's leaving sometime next week.

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Originally Posted by NickS
I won't lie, I know that I contributed to the marriage getting to this point. As I said before, I'm no angel.

How would I go about supervising her 24/7 though? We both work.

I'm not sure what else to do at this point. She's ready to go. She's leaving sometime next week.

You detonate her cover to smithereens with the most comprehensive exposure known to man. That includes a full list of names and dates plus telling all the men about each other (wives too).

Plenty of experts here that will help you craft that document once you have your list prepared. You must not let her take the children. Sounds as if your father in law will back you up on that one. He needs every nasty detail including the drug taking.

Then, assuming she changes her plan once she knows she cannot take the children, we will help you craft your next step.

Last edited by living_well; 02/15/18 11:05 AM.

3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
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Originally Posted by living_well
Originally Posted by NickS
I won't lie, I know that I contributed to the marriage getting to this point. As I said before, I'm no angel.

How would I go about supervising her 24/7 though? We both work.

I'm not sure what else to do at this point. She's ready to go. She's leaving sometime next week.

You detonate her cover to smithereens with the most comprehensive exposure known to man. That includes a full list of names and dates plus telling all the men about each other (wives too).

Plenty of experts here that will help you craft that document once you have your list prepared. You must not let her take the children. Sounds as if your father in law will back you up on that one. He needs every nasty detail including the drug taking.

Then, assuming she changes her plan once she knows she cannot take the children, we will help you craft your next step.


Sounds like a good idea.

I did an exposure before, just not the way that's described here.. And it actually did stop for awhile. Exposing it to her dad was enough in of itself to get her to reconsider her separating and stop the internet infidelity.

Apparently she thinks very highly of her dad, he's the only support system she has. She told me that her Dad took my side and she was mad that he didn't back her up. She said that she was embarrassed when he found out what she was doing.

As far as dates are concerned. The app she was sending the messages through unfortunately don't have timestamps. For all I know, the messages could've been sent yesterday, or 3 months ago.

The only thing I could do is collaborate when the pictures were taken by looking in her photo gallery and seeing when she sent the pictures to these guys. But for the rest of the conversation, there's no way to tell.

Last edited by NickS; 02/15/18 11:53 AM.
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Originally Posted by living_well
Originally Posted by NickS
I won't lie, I know that I contributed to the marriage getting to this point. As I said before, I'm no angel.

How would I go about supervising her 24/7 though? We both work.

I'm not sure what else to do at this point. She's ready to go. She's leaving sometime next week.

You detonate her cover to smithereens with the most comprehensive exposure known to man. That includes a full list of names and dates plus telling all the men about each other (wives too).

Plenty of experts here that will help you craft that document once you have your list prepared. You must not let her take the children. Sounds as if your father in law will back you up on that one. He needs every nasty detail including the drug taking.

Then, assuming she changes her plan once she knows she cannot take the children, we will help you craft your next step.



I'm being told by others on here that I should just walk away and fight for full custody because a comprehensive exposure probably won't work at this point because I've enabled my Wife's waywardasm and that she'll probably never stop.

Last edited by NickS; 02/15/18 01:07 PM.
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Nick exposure is always beneficial. You were acting so fogged and dazed that priorities were merely being suggested in case you had limited energy or follow through.

I agree that you should probably prepare legally for exposure to fail. She is extremely entitled. After you've seen a lawyer and moved as much of your finances from her control as possible exposure should at least cover your children, close friends and relatives. This will garner you the support you need, allow a personal recovery, protect your children from gaslighting and keep her off your back.

If you want to go the whole nine yards and fight for your marriage do a more comprehensive one and expose the OM too.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.


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