I�m not sure she is ready to do that until she is done being angry about the situation. I can only hope that after that she wants to work on us.

I mean to come to the forum so we can help her. We have a plan to help her put her life back together and ensure this doesn't happen again.

I agree with the others that you have to be reeeeeeallllly careful about implying there was anything wrong with the marriage. You can be the strongest couple in the world at home; that does not help at all if you go to work with poor boundaries.

Transferring is going to go a long way to showing genuine remorse and could be the card you need. Talk is cheap but also....

Every day you go to work with the OW your wife is hurt beyond your imagining and she's having to distance herself from you, from this situation to avoid pain.

So you may see a different situation post-transfer. Until then the A is still on, at least as far as the harm to your wife is concerned.

Also, she may never forgive you because it's a big ask. Are you ok with accepting that? While trying your hardest to make any amends she needs in the meantime?

I don�t have much of a choice. If she doesn�t forgive then we probably can�t work on our marriage. True?

She might. Not sure if i should ask yet. She is still angry. I don�t want to push her. Trying to give her space right now.

I agree. The only thing wrong was me. I just want the chance to make things right and show her that I love her and want to make her happy.

I will try my hardest to do whatever I need to, to make amends.

Oh no, don't worry about that. Dr Harley doesn't believe in forgivenness, but in just compensation. That might sound harsh, but it really isn't when you think about it logically.. Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?

And I would let her know that you dearly want to save your marriage and ask her if she would come here and look at the Marriage Builders plan. Send her this link and have her read the articles and watch the video: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

Read this and listen to the radio clips in here. What is Just Compensation?

There are plans here for one person to do alone with a reluctant spouse. You can pay her Just Compensation. You can use the plans to show your wife changes over time that she can believe in. It will have to be a very, patient undemanding effort from you. If she is not appealed to, you must not lecture, or plead or beg. You must not imply that you expect this; don't give her the impression wives are supposed to forgive infidelity. Acknowledge that you are asking for a huge leap of faith and that her refusal is ok.

Patience will take you a long way, and most betrayed spouses are inclined to forgive in my experience but there are no guarantees.

I will try. I am just worried about pushing her away because she is still angry.

I think that's understandable and your transfer is probably going to be the best remedy. Does she know about it? Can she have input on where you are transferred?

Has she told you not to contact her or is she just very upset when you speak?

We have talked about not contacting her. My wife has access to all my texts and my emails so she is in the loop. There has been zero contact since Feb 7 when i broke it off and left. We have talked about me trying to get a transfer and she is yes and no about it. Our kids are here and she wants me to be here for them. The ideal situation is to have the OW transfer to another school. Really no input on transfer. More of what is open in the administration level.

I get you when you say you'd just have to take anything that was given transfer-wise (or hope OW is transferred) but it's more about letting your wife feel empowered and prioritised. So for example you may get two options; talk to your wife about each one. Let her know you will be doing this. Let her know that you are willing to quit the job if it comes to it. Reassure her she is the priority.


Does this mean she goes back and forth a lot on what she wants to do? That is really pretty normal. She finds the future hard to picture. You can help her a great deal by doing the leg work and handing her some nice visuals.

Oh dear. Yeah she is definitely going to make you prove yourself.

Jason, I would reach out to her and tell her that you love her very much and want to save your family. Silence is surely not good. You need to demonstrate that you are willing to fight for your marriage. Tell her that you are trying to get transferred so you can save your marriage and why. The reason why is so you can save your marriage and family. It is in your children's best interest for you and them to get out of there. They have a right to know what has happened, and when you explain, they will understand why they have to change schools. It won't be easy, but you need to stop givng her "space" and start approaching her with a serious plan to save your marriage.

In the meantime, I would get the book Survivng an Affair and read it. It has a plan for recovery. The things we are telling you will make much more sense if you understand the dynamics of an affair and subsequent recovery.

I will do whatever i have to to get my wife back. I just need her to give me that opportunity.

Did you read this and listen to the radio clips?

I watched the video today. Haven�t listened to the radio clips yet.

Jason, how did your wife find out about the affair? Does she know the OW?