That makes sense. I have since deleted my private account that the OW has access to. So there is no emailing the only email that was sent was on Feb 17. I know saying i won�t run to her is not a plan. I have a binder with my plans in it for avoiding Re occurrence and for falling in love. The plan is written and ready to be shared with my wife.

As of yet you and the OW still work at the same place. What is going on with the transfer?

I have a binder with my plans in it for avoiding Re occurrence and for falling in love. The plan is written and ready to be shared with my wife.

I understand. I have a plan for me. I will not run back to the OW.

You should have been there the night My wife , me and OW sat down and had a conversation at the OW's house. That was very interesting. This conversation took place after the email. And at the end of the conversation outside my wife asked me to pick, her or the OW. I told her that I wanted us to work out.

I just need to get a transfer worked out or just apply for a new job at a different school.

She lives about 10 miles away. As a school counselor you don�t need a license. You get a credential and that is different then private practice.

Once an affair is first revealed, whether it's discovered or admitted, the victimized spouse is usually in a state of shock. The first reaction is usually panic, but it's quickly followed by anger. Divorce and sometimes even murder are contemplated. But after some time passes (usually about three weeks), most couples decide that they will try to pull together and save their marriage.

The one having an affair is in no position to bargain, but he or she usually tries anyway. The bargaining effort usually boils down to somehow keeping the lover in the loop. You'd think that the unfaithful spouse would be so aware of his or her weaknesses, and so aware of the pain inflicted, that every effort would be made to avoid further contact with the lover as an act of thoughtfulness to the stunned spouse. But instead, the unfaithful spouse argues that the relationship was "only sexual" or was "emotional but not sexual" or some other peculiar description to prove that continued contact with the lover would be okay.

Most victimized spouses intuitively understand that all contact with a lover must end for life. Permanent separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to someone who has been through hell. What victimized spouse would ever want to know that his or her spouse is seeing or communicating with a former lover at work or in some other activity?

In spite of career sacrifices, friendships, and issues relating to children's schooling, I am adamant in recommending that there be no contact with a former lover for life. For many, that means a move to another state. But to do otherwise fails to recognize the nature of addiction and its cure.

Look at M.S.'s husband. Here he is, thousands of miles from his lover, and yet he still feels compelled to call her. Can you imagine the trouble M.S. would have had separating them if they had not moved? Their move was the best thing that could have happened to their marriage because it not only revealed the affair, but it also set up the conditions that would make ending it possible -- total separation.

We don't know if R.J. still sees his lover, but he says he has broken off all contact. In many cases where a person is still in town, that's hard to prove. But one thing's for sure, if he ever does see his lover, it will put him in a state of perpetual withdrawal from his addiction, and make the resolution of his marriage essentially impossible. In fact, one of the reasons he is not recovering after three months of separation may be that he is not being truthful about the separation.

I don�t want to have another affair. This one has done enough damage. I just want my wife back which may never happen and i will have to live with that. I assume full responsibility for all of this.

It was a cordial conversation.

I don�t want to have another affair.

I have sent her the link to this site a couple of times.

I don�t want to have another affair. This one has done enough damage. I just want my wife back which may never happen and i will have to live with that. I assume full responsibility for all of this.

So how do i move away if my wife won�t move with me? She won�t even let me back in the house. Yes i am listening to the show and i also have a few books i downloaded on Audible and have been listening to them also.