To every person reading this .... saying hello here,

I'm just feeling lost, hopeless and heartbroken . My marriage was okay till the day (in 2013) a new female colleague was employed at his work. As usual he comes home from work tells me about his work n bla bla bla. I must say I am an attentive wife listening to his stories n once in a while giving him feedbacks..... and then he started talking about his new colleague, will named her Pepe. After a while got to know from him that Pepe is a single mother with a son. I did went to his office and saw her and my first impression of her "she's going to be a problem". So many weeks, months went by and she's never excluded from his stories. On the other hand I'm proud of him telling me about her but slowly the jealousy (where in the begin I've got no problem about it) in me started to shoot because it's always about her now.
Then his office organized an event where all staffs with their partners are invited to a holiday camp. And there I got to know her. We spent 3D/2N there and during the stay, she was all over my hubby!!! Taking photos cheek to cheek. I was mad but I kept my calm. On our way home..,talked to my hubby about the situation but his respond was... That's how she is, trying to get attention. And I said...okay to certain extend... but she's kind of all over you and I'm not comfortable with that. and he said... she's just a colleague, nothing to worry about. I told him, I hope it stays like that as you said she's trying to get attention and you are the only one giving her the most attention. After that incident ..... his stories about work started to go less and less and then no more! And when I asked his respond was nothing interesting to tell.
Few months later, one of his colleague, a member of a music festival managed to get hold of some free tickets. He told me about it, but it's not my kind of music, hard core metal. So I told him to just go ahead without me and enjoy himself. And of course Pepe went and she was all over him the whole time!! How did I know?... my brother in law was there too and said " what for a woman is that? Like she has not been laid for so many decades!!! " Photos were posted on the FB and I confronted with hubby telling him how uncomfortable I felt with her. And he kept on saying nothing to worry... since all these started, we never had a decent conversation anymore nor communicate without him getting snappy or aggitated. He finds his refuged by going to the toilet regularly.
Between 2014-2015 ... we did some renovation and this is the period where our marriage started to rumble. During our almost 20yrs married, I like to do a bit of sport but my hubby is more a couch potato. Always has asked him to go jogging with me but he refused. Then out of the blues he asked me wether possible that Pepe join me to go jogging!! I didn't gave him an answer and the next thing I know the next day she came and guess what... my hubby went jogging too!!! So.. HellllOOO .... which wife wont get jealous or suspect something is not right when the situation turns out like this! I was pissed off!! I kept my calm though during the run but exploded after she left!! I knew by now she's already few steps ahead into destroying what I fully valued.. my marriage
Then the lying started... In fact he's been lying already since she came into the picture but I couldn't prove them. (Since she became comfortable with him and him being snappy to me, I took the risk to check his messages on his phone, where he regularly change his PW, but I can't mentioned what I knew otherwise he'll suspect) He goes out to festivals with her and asking permission from me saying that he's going night out with ex colleagues from his previous job, just his me time with the guys was his word! Next day after his night out, I asked him how was the night, he always cut it short and changed the subject. He spents longer time in the toilet then he usually does and goes there often too and always at the certain hour of the day or the night
New year 2016, his office had a party organized. He left me by myself and was always with her! We had quite a row that night. I told myself..... this has to stop, he doesnt want to listen my point of view and he said that I am just over jealous an "assuming" things. When he mentioned that word, I know that something was not right. After few days and we were calmed, I suggested that we go for marriage counselling and lucky for me he agreed to come along.
Things went on well after few months of theraphy and I was glad as we managed to have quality time together. I have stop checking his phone. One morning, few days before I have to travel back to my hometown, he was in the shower and his phone buzzed and I don't know what made check who is buzzing. And to my surprised it was of a woman whom am not familiar with. My hands started to tremble and my heart pounding like crazy. I went to grab my phone and went to his FB and browse through the responses for his posting and yes I found her! I didn't create any scene as am going to travel few days later. My mind kept on wondering and started to browse through his, Pepe n OW FB.
For relationship.. FB can be a destroyer or can be informative too. I found out that OW is from Pepe's friends group of single mothers!!! I was at the other side of the globe by then, so I waited till weekend and called him up. I heard background noise and he said he was in a cafe. The next day I called again and this time he didn't pick up my call untill I call for the 3rd time! And background was silent and I asked him wether he's with OW (he sounds shocked when I mentioned her name) I asked to speak to her but he refused to let me. My whole world went crumbling down and I cried everyday! I was really devastated and asking myself where did I go wrong and why, why and why.... my whole stay back home was a disaster, pity my mum.
When I came, had a big discussion, talked and cried a lot. I was devastated because all along he has been using Pepe as a scapegoat for the OW. Whenever he talks to his friends, he mentioned only Pepe but not the OW and same to his parents and that makes them branded me as a jealous wife, as nothing is going on between him and Pepe. My hubby keep on denying he has feelings for Pepe and that also triggered me when he mentioned " me assuming things". Pepe is in fact at the same time has built up feelings for my hubby cos I read her messages (yes, sorry..situation puts me in to check his phone again), she's been using our scenario into her conversation, example... "the guy said that he's going to leave his wife but he's still with her" and his respond was "give him time, you are a wonderful person!" how hurtful for me to read all his praise words to her.
I asked my hubby wether he wants to stay in the marriage and his answer was "Yes" . and once again we are back to square one to restoring our marriage!... Everything went on well, he stops in contact with OW untill October 2017, my father in law passed away and OW send her condolences. And the message ping pong started again ( was not aware of that until this incident happened!!)
Yes.... this incident...
I told myself must have faith to trust again and I decided to join my friends for a xmas daytrip. He sent me off in the morning to the station and asked me what time he should come and fetch me. And I dont know for what reason, I didnt gave him the correct time. Later that evening when I was about to arrive at the station, I texted him. From our place to the station it only takes less than 5 mins. When he replied... will be there in 30 mins... my heart started to beat faster and feeding my mind "No, don't think negative, it's not what u think". Unfortunately what I thought would not happen happened!! The station where he has to pick me up is situated at where all the junctions meet! Work, our place and OW route. when he drove in the drive, his face changed to a guilty face. When I asked him how come has to take 30mins and he dares to answer me he came from work!!!! Oh Boyyy.... was I mad!! everything that I got hold off, I smashed them, then was in the kitchen and Almost killed myself that day, I was totally shattered really really shattered! Wasted all time, effort and money spent on marriage theraphy and it seems that I am the only one taking this marriage restoration serious. After few days, got myself on my feet and gave him ultimatum where I gave him my wedding ring back. I guess he never expected that.
He told me maybe we are not meant to be together... I talked and asked him... "You said nothing happened between the two of you, we only talk and not physically involve. Did it ever occur to you why are you always being "caught". Before anything serious happen or before it's too late you have to stop doing this. You have , I must say a VERY patience wife, two sometimes hard to handle grown up boys, good family ties and a nice home to come home to having your favourite meals prepared! I have left my family, friends and all the things I like to do back home just to be with you here. You opened your heart to this OW. I can understand if she single n pretty, but she's a mother of 4 with 3 different men and her youngest is only 9yrs! what on earth are you thinking!!!"
And here we are again... starting all over again... he said he's sorry... I told him if he takes this marriage seriously he has to stop contacting her as we has managed before.
I just don't know now where I stand or what is he thinking..... I'm kind of loss buried in this situation....
Thank you for your time for those of you who has been reading this. I appreciate it. I just dont know what to do......

Welcome to MB and I�m so sorry for your pain.

Do you have spyware installed on any of his devices?

You have done some things right, like checking what is really going on when he is not telling you the truth. This is not spying. In marriage people become one and don't have secrets for one another.

What you did not know, is that a marriage cannot thrive as long as your husband is in contact with these other women.
He should seek another job if your marriage is to survive.
He should cut all contact, otherwise you have no chance.

In this link you will find information on how to end his affairs, bacause that's what they are.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html

I've no idea but I don't think so. I am not an expert with all these electronic devices. I have the hunch that he is still in contact with her via messenger, as though I've asked him to unfriend her but via Messenger you still can contact with each other even though you are not listed on friends list.

Somemore his phone is 24/7 with him!

First thing is, you have to find out what is going on.
If you know his password you could get into his phone.
If not possible, many betrayed spouses use an voice activated recorder, that you hide in a place where he is likely to phone his affair interest.

In the mean time, please don't let on, that you are on to something. You will have an easier time finding out, if he thinks he is off the hook.
Gather as much information as you can and come here to get a plan regarding what to do with it.

A man who has been in this kind of contact with another womani g is usually in a sexual affair. But even if not, his behaviour is highly inappropriate and an emotional affair is just as damaging.

Meini - how's it going? Are you taking care of yourself?