If you install spyware and hire a PI for the week you are gone, I am quite certain you will get evidence of a PA. Can you do that?

I would also be shocked to find out that they were not meeting in your home. Another reason to sell that house and move away...

Or in the OM home - PI is the way to go. VAR hidden in bedroom is not bad idea, but PI is ideal if she 'stays home' while you go on the trip.

fyi, you need to get a great attorney and try to get the very best deal you can. Even bring in the adultery if you can. You don't want to end up financing the OM after you leave. And you want to also get a great deal so she will be attracted to come back with you.

Melody Lane.
Got the camera, the good attorney, and told her all was still on. I have tried to deposit and do not want to leave for vacation on a low note. She seems very withdrawn and short from being rude...she is very moody. Just some advise...do I just let her think?

I would move forward with your plan of moving out of there and making sure you have good legal protection. Did you see the advice to get the best deal possible in the divorce settlement?

Have you looked into positions at least 2 hours away and discussed it with your daughters? You want to move to a place they would like visit.

Yes. I have looked at a transfer. I suffer from this incredible need to know the truth. I assume any question to her that I pose would be a goofy answer anyway?

its very unlikely you will get the truth so I wouldn't bother.

PI is really the way to go for this situation, but if not suggest 2-3 var in the house at a minimum, but really they can just meet at OM house (and then nothing hidden in your house will work).

Asking her will make just garner yourself a lie, and garner a heads up to her to be more careful hiding it.

In other words, if you want to know the TRUTH, like actually know it, you need to take the steps that will actually obtain the truth.
Cameras, VAR, in the house is good. VAR, GPS in the car is not a bad idea either, but this is perfect opportunity for PI to really find out.
If surveillance in your home shows nothing, then it doesn't rule it out, it only shows she is less blatant than some at best (which is still a plus).

Make it happen, captain!

So we are heading to vacation. I will be leaving a couple weeks after getting back from vacation. The girls and I and my family are going. I find myself acting different already...its funny but I was fine when. I knew it was over...then we talked about waiting..
I gotta man up at some point. I assume that I should not text her while gone ? I guess if there is any chance at all...she would need to see what it was like without me. Then if we still decide I'm leaving...I guess im better off. Definitely ..I don't think anyone wants someone with them that doesn't want to be with them.

Desty, you should decide NOW to move out. This is not a future decision. You have to move out, no matter what happens in your marriage because this is hopeless as long as you live there. To be honest, it is likely hopeless at this point because we are talkng about a very long term affair. You have a very, very long shot of saving your marriage, but you have to move out and you most definitely need good legal protection and a favorable divorce settlement.

Secondly, have you set up something to spy on her?

Yes I have...
My oldest daughter and I were talking tonight getting ready to leave in the a.m. and as we were talking we got on the subject of her mom and I. She said dad, mom doesn't treat you that well.
Broke my heart.
Melody..I assume that I don't text while on vacation..

I probably need to get a little self respect at some point.

Melody..I have thought about this site and early on someone asked if I was trying to save my marriage and if not i was wasting time. I really want to thank everyone
This is truly a life changing event (either way). As I journey through this...I guess I just wanted to share that without all of this dialoque..I truly believe I would still be in the loop and floundering. You folks have given me many things to think about. Last night as my daughter reminded me that my wife doesn't treat me very well..I wonder what I am fighting for ...to be mistreated?
Long story short...I know this section is a site to try and save your marriage..but without it..people may not be able to truly understand what they are fighting for.
You folks are and have been appreciated . I am permanently out and I truly send my best to all the folks hurting and healing.
Best regards,
Desty

What are you doing to get the facts while you are gone? Have you hired a PI as suggested? Placed a camera in the house or a VAR in her car?

This site is not about �dialogue,� it is about action. What actions are you taking?

Desty, my friend, you have misunderstood us. This is not a marriage-at-all-cost forum. We have many ppl who are divorced here. Sometimes divorce is the definition of success. In your case, I think that may be the case.. But the only way to find that out is to MOVE AWAY and protect yourself legally. You may end up divorced but if move you have a small chance of your wife moving to follow you at some time if she agrees to steps for recovery.

We are here to support you regardless of what you did. Have a great vacation!

👍

Thanks..appreciate it. My point was by talking to everyone and devising a plan to try and get my wife back, I came to the conclusion that why would I want someone back who has watched me crumble for 7 yrs. Without any hesitation and what kind of role model am I for my girls if they ever have that happen to them.
Take care Melody - We are going to have a great vacation...one goofy question..I assume I should take the week off from texting..i.e. let her think.
Then when I get back -first order is to move.

I agree with you 1000%!!


That is up to you, but if I were you, I would just focus on your kids and have a great vacation.

On vacation...having a good time. What's the magic formula for letting go...really the last piece.
Would love to not waste another thought...

The formula for letting go is to move out. You are going to be in for a HUGE SURPRISE to find out good you feel after a few weeks.