Thank you for chiming in Indiegirl..... please don�t stop
.
You felt like a pet too! I 100 % believe he would treat a dog better than me.
So, I have talked to my lawyer. He is really amazing. It�s a marriage of a year, and he doesn�t waste time so with no kids, no assets together etc, I would file... and he would have to pay for 3 months of our life & in 90 days we would be divorced where I would then be on my own. We even have the divorce papers ready!!!
. I would have to stand on my own feet by then.... so this is my dilemma. With 3 kids, not possible yet.
I make the most money From now till end of the year and need this time to focus on working.....I make $500 a month till January & then if I�ve done my job, I will make 3k a month and more a month from then on.... I can�t go anywhere with 3 kids for 500 a month!
Reading Dr H views on planning has helped give me a goal & at least right now I barely see my H. Still really difficult. Any words of advise on how to act would be helpful.
I have always helped out with the head of our domestic shelter here & they don�t consider him �abusive�so I can�t get help there. And she has tried.
Her advise was not to tell truth of my plans to leave as its to dangerous & just don�t argue, try to stay away as much as possible from him & play along in a sense while planning my escape asap. He thinks I�ve learned my place now as I don�t try anymore, don�t complain & let him be. I also have a friend who is helping watch my girls so they aren�t really around him much at all, never alone and are out of his way.
I would not have made this major change in my career if I knew after marrying him he would turn into Mr Hyde!!! I�m kicking myself some but in a year I will be so so much better off because of it.
I have snooped on money. It is strangely the one area he hides nothing now- he wants me to handle all of it & refuses to even look at the bank account. That way Im always the bad guy telling him not to buy anything or if we have an issue it�s always my fault. I think he likes this.
My methods uncovered his other debt. When I did- he came clean. He has never touched a computer in his life & has no access at work and I insisted on spyware on his phone to marrying him from my past. I know he could have a burner but I have looked & see nothing like that anywhere. So not sure what else to do. I really do feel like I have access too and have seen the written evidence of everything financial now. It�s other lies I�m sure he is telling but I don�t give a rip anymore- I just want to be gone!
Reading Dr H books was great as my Christian side was feeling kinda guilty but understanding EN & LB....why we feel these things etc� so eye opening. Sooooooo thankful I found them!!!!!
Oh- if he tried to physically hurt me or kids- I would throw him in jail!!!!
Part of me just doesn�t understand how I couldn�t see this. We dated 2 years, I spoke & knew his family. I even spoke with his ex wife and ex step daughter - his friends, people he worked/s with... church leaders. I keep thinking- how can everyone be so wrong- this man acts mean & is a liar. ( I know people ask, his ex became a drunk & started sleeping around on him which she admits to now that she is sober but he was divorced 7 years before meeting me and I was for a year 1/2)
So miserable!