But it's good news, tell a friend.
I'm sure that many(most?) of you will not recognize me. Unfortunately, I recognize many of the stories here, only the names have changed. For reference, I had an affair that had been over for years, my husband had repeated visits to the strip club complete with lap dances that he tried to tell me were nothing sexual. Quite a mess, I'm sure you'd agree. I found this forum in 2005 when my husband discovered my affair, which had ended some years earlier. Rather than lie, I came clean, which I think was the first step in our long, long, road to recovery. I'm happy to say we will be celebrating out 33rd year of marriage soon. I'm not going to lie and say it's better. But it's not worse. What it is, is different. I am open and honest with my feelings, rather than stewing in my own resentment. My husband is leaving tomorrow to do some work on our new house tomorrow. Two of his friends are meeting him there and I don't have any fears that he and his friends will take a trip to some sleazy strip club. We use the same computers. I don't have any password on my phone, nor does he. We are welcome to look at each other's phones at any time, but the only time that really happens is if I'm driving and telling him to look something up for me on my phone. The trust is back and with good reason. Any time I sensed a male coworker be interested in me, getting too friendly, I shut it down immediately. My ex-affair person tried to contact me a few years ago (isn't the internet wonderful?) but I showed the message to my husband and naturally did not reply. I'd rather undergo spinal surgery without anaesthesia than have another affair.
We got phone counseling and employed many of the MB principles; actually we still do (the principles, not the counseling). I got s BA when I was 20 and used my time to get a BS. Sadly a lot of those courses *were* BS, but that is the way universities operate now. I actually loved my local college experience, it was amazing and it turns out that I have a talent and interest in the subject matter. Too soon old, too late smart, but better late than never.
And now I'll get down to my point (finally!). It is possible to recover from infidelity if you have two people absolutely committed to it and there is genuine love there. You have to change how you're doing things and be open to methods that take some getting used to and that's where MB comes in. We are more open with each other and spend a lot of time together, although to be fair I do lavish attention on 3 other men: my rescue cats. The dog is a girl lol. I volunteer with an animal rescue organization and my husband has done it with me. I read a book written by one of the Paraguayan rugby players who survived a plane crash in the Andes. In the book he says that years later he doesn't waste to e on regret or sorrow on the horrors he endured. It was the life he was chosen to live. In the same way, we don't waste our time on regret and sorrow for what we lost. This is the life we were chosen to live.
