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Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1 |
In Sept of 18 I discovered my husband of 31years has been emailing/txting/sexting an old college gf. The communications have been going on since June.
I asked him to stop, he has continued. He contacts her almost daily now.
On the good side, if there is one, she lives in Sweden (we live in the US) and they have not met, but have talked about it (she has family in the US)
When I first confronted my husband he said "our marriage is not in trouble because she lives 5000 miles away and has a bf" and that we don't need to seek counseling (of course)
The ow is not married but occasionally lives with a bf. Her fb has no friends or family contacts.
I have copies of all of the txt messages and most of the emails.
I have only told a few people, not our children yet (they are grown)
How do I proceed at putting an end to this?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hi Lilly, welcome to Marriage Builders. Your husband is having an emotional affair which is getting more and more entrenched. You correctly have identified the risk. I would strongly recommend you expose the affair wide and far and then plan to separate and go into Plan B if he won't end his affair. The bad thing about long distance affairs is that they can go on for YEARS if you don't stop them.
Affairs thrive on secrecy, so getting it all out into the open will hasten it's death. Please read the link in my signature for tips on exposure.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
Agree with Melodylane - expose this to everyone would could influence your WH - children, church leaders, close family and friends. You should also expose this to the OW's parents and children.
One important thing to note - do NOT discuss this plan to expose with your WH, thinking you can "scare" him straight. That will only backfire on you - he and OW will warn people in advance that you are "crazy" or "jealous".
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
I agree with MelodyLane and SusieQ to expose it. I would also expose it to OW�s boyfriend.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
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Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709 |
When I first confronted my husband he said "our marriage is not in trouble because she lives 5000 miles away and has a bf" and that we don't need to seek counseling (of course) Your marriage is in trouble when your husband continues to contact this "friend" daily putting her above your feelings. Don't try to educate your husband. Expose without warning and ask for support.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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