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Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 1
L
Lincoln Offline OP
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L
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 1
My husband and I have known each other since childhood. Over the years we drifted apart as friends. When we were 19 we came in contact with each other. It had been almost 6 years since we had last seen each other in person. He showed up to a home welcoming party my friends through me and have been together since, well almost. We dated for almost 2 years before tying the knot in Feb of 2013. After 6 and a half years together and over 4 years of marriage, he had an affair for 5 months that lead to me leaving. I soon found out he had moved this woman into our home. Just shy of a month apart. I was heartbroken. He stayed in contact with me, always reminding me of his mistake and begging for me to come home. Well after 3 and a half months he broke things off with her and we were back together. Just a few months after trying to settle into this new and scary marriage, she contacts us with news "she is pregnant". I was devastated, my worst fear had come true. I'm not able to conceive children and I was always insecure about that and it would cause problems in the marriage. And within myself. Well after a LOT of thinking and wondering what I should do, I decided I would stay with my husband in the hopes the child would not be his. I knew what I was in for if he was the father and was ready to take the roll of a stepmother. Through the whole pregnancy it was hell as far as my emotional health goes, and I feared my husband would leave me for her due to the bond I thought they would develop through the birth of this child. I stood by him anyways, not only him but I put all my feelings aside to stand by her as well. For that's what I thought would be best for the child. She made a deal that if a girl, she named the child and if a boy, my husband and I named the child. It was a BOY! Aways, the day came on Jan 16th that she was scheduled for a C-section and due to my personal feelings, I would not let my husband be in the while the child was born. No one in her family showed up so she asked me if I would stand with her. Hesitant but willing said "yes". As soon as I saw them pull his little head from her stomach, I instantly knew it was my husbands. He looked like his twin. And that changed everything. I loved him instantly. Like he was my own child. Well we tried doin split custody for the first 2 months, alternating week-to-week. But she would fail to contact us when it was her the to keep him. She rarely saw him and when she did, something always happened along the lines of the baby getting sick or poorly taken care of. So my husband decided the file for full custody and won. We don't keep the child from her, we actually let her see him whenever she wants. Whether it be an inconvenience to us or not. It gets very stressful at times because I want her to get her life together because I don't want my son to have those problems when older and able to understand and I don't want to see disappointment in his face. Although I disagree with almost everything she does and her lifestyle, I push it all aside for our soon. She loves the fact of having the title "mama" and loves having someone take full responsibility while she runs wild and I'm ok with that. It gives me the opportunity to raise a child like I've always dreamed of and I'm ok with it giving I think my husband and I are the best choice as legal guardian for the child. I don't push her aside and make anyone or the child believe I'm the mother. I'm open about everything and give her every chance and opportunity to be his mother. I just simply play my part as "full time stepmom". As far as my marriage goes, ugh I'd be lying if I said we didn't have our ups and downs. But due to both of us working through things and key issues and always doing and planning what we think is best for the child, we have made out pretty well. We are both happy. We parent perfectly together and we are settled into our new family life happy, comfortable and with peace of mind. Well our son is almost 15 months and I look back and think "where would I be today had I decided this was not what I wanted and divorced". That thought makes me cringe because as weird as it sounds and upside down it may seem, I couldn't picture life without this little boy. My husband is my best friend and although it took a LOT of work and dedication, we made it through all the hardest parts. I truly believe my son was a strange test to a blessing and I also truly, wholeheartedly believe that if 2 people really love each other and want to work out their relationship and both put forth the effort, then you can truly make things work.


Abc
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
S
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Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
Welcome to MB.

Is your post intended as a success story? A recommendation about how to proceed when a husband has an OC? It doesn't seem to be looking for advice, and you certainly haven't used Dr Harley's advice in dealing with this situation.

Why did you post this story here on MB - I mean, why here, in particular?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.

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