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Hello there guys;
So we live in Canada as you can guess from my username;
So this is really bothering me; as my wife says that she used my cousin as a Sperm donor without my or his wife consent because I had low sperm count and she was becoming desperate to get Pregnant because my younger brothers wife got pregnant.

We are working to reconcile; but I want to keep the cousin out of my Sons life; It seems I was losing my wife because they were making secret meetings to discuss our baby and how to handle me and his wife and to keep secret away from us which is finally confirmed after I did my Paternity Test.

My wife showed me a consent form on her phone that my wife and the cousin signed; for Now my keeps saying that we should keep contact with the cousin because the baby shares the same genes; Is this required?

Another thing she is doing is showing my baby pictures of cousin and telling him that's Pappa; Does this cousin have any legal right if they are saying that this was a Sperm donation?

Does cousin have any legal rights to taking my son away if he was used as a sperm donor?

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Originally Posted by canadien74
My wife showed me a consent form on her phone that my wife and the cousin signed;

Did the cousin sign using his own name, or did he pretend to be you?


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Originally Posted by canadien74
Hello there guys;
So we live in Canada as you can guess from my username;
So this is really bothering me; as my wife says that she used my cousin as a Sperm donor without my or his wife consent because I had low sperm count and she was becoming desperate to get Pregnant because my younger brothers wife got pregnant.

We are working to reconcile; but I want to keep the cousin out of my Sons life; It seems I was losing my wife because they were making secret meetings to discuss our baby and how to handle me and his wife and to keep secret away from us which is finally confirmed after I did my Paternity Test.

My wife showed me a consent form on her phone that my wife and the cousin signed; for Now my keeps saying that we should keep contact with the cousin because the baby shares the same genes; Is this required?

Another thing she is doing is showing my baby pictures of cousin and telling him that's Pappa; Does this cousin have any legal right if they are saying that this was a Sperm donation?

Does cousin have any legal rights to taking my son away if he was used as a sperm donor?


First off, your wife's affair partner is not a "sperm donor," he is her adultery partner who had sex with her. Your wife and the OM did not sign a "consent" form to have an affair. That is ridiculous. Secondly, you need to contact a lawyer who knows the law in your country to keep this scumbag away from your child and your marriage. Your marriage will NEVER have any hope of recovery with this scumbag in your lives.

Is his name on the birth certificate? Is he paying child support?

That is cute and winsome to call an affair that resulted in a child a "sperm donation," but that is just dumb. Stop allowing yourself to be gaslighted, EXPOSE THE AFFAIR, and call an attorney.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Did the cousin sign using his own name, or did he pretend to be you?

I realise now that this is a silly question. If he were saying he was her husband, she wouldn't need a sperm donor.


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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Did the cousin sign using his own name, or did he pretend to be you?

I realise now that this is a silly question. If he were saying he was her husband, she wouldn't need a sperm donor.


Reality = Affair Baby; He loves our son and wants to see him and I can not stop him; Affair can not stop as they continue to plan meeting with our Son to keep their connection going.

The Story = The Sperm Donation without Consent from Father = This is Sperm Donation and I have no obligation to show him or make relation to my son.

Another twist is my wife says that she is the mom of the baby and has freedom to choose what she wants to do with the Baby.

Which one works in my favor? What would you do in such instance if you wanted to do Marriage recovery and take the OM out of our life? Would Sperm donation help aid me in keeping the OM at bay and out of our life?

My wife keeps saying that they destroyed all evidence; is this possible?


Last edited by canadien74; 09/15/20 12:23 PM.
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Expose the affair to everyone and then contact a lawyer to find out your rights. Whose name is on the birth certificate?

Quote
Reality = Affair Baby; He loves our son and wants to see him and I can not stop him; Affair can not stop as they continue to plan meeting with our Son to keep their connection going.


That is the reality if you continue to enable the affair by helping them hide it.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Expose the affair to everyone and then contact a lawyer to find out your rights. Whose name is on the birth certificate?

Quote
Reality = Affair Baby; He loves our son and wants to see him and I can not stop him; Affair can not stop as they continue to plan meeting with our Son to keep their connection going.


That is the reality if you continue to enable the affair by helping them hide it.



If I reveal that this was Affair than my wife is threatening to walk out on the marriage with the baby; She says she ultimately decides what happens with the baby.

She is promising no Contact with OM; if she holds up her part of the bargain which is to letting him go; is it enough for me to forgive and let go and move forward in our life?

She has tendency to hit her self or me whenever I discuss the OM and the situation; what would you recommend to diffuse and have proper conversation on the topic without getting Triggered? Is dialogue regarding this matter required for Closure and proper healing?

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Originally Posted by canadien74
She is promising no Contact with OM; if she holds up her part of the bargain which is to letting him go; is it enough for me to forgive and let go and move forward in our life?

After the astonishing amount of sneaking around and cheating she has done, including having a baby with him and maintaining a relationship between him and that child, and after all the resentment she has expressed towards you as a husband, do you really think she has any intention of ending all contact with OM?


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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by canadien74
She is promising no Contact with OM; if she holds up her part of the bargain which is to letting him go; is it enough for me to forgive and let go and move forward in our life?

After the astonishing amount of sneaking around and cheating she has done, including having a baby with him and maintaining a relationship between him and that child, and after all the resentment she has expressed towards you as a husband, do you really think she has any intention of ending all contact with OM?


They are in fear because once I find contact between them than our deal is off and I can reveal this secret to anyone who should be concerned.

My wife it seems very fearful about OMW and her image in our community; and we are very respected family, so there is a fear related to shame as well.

To top it all off she has taken a position now that she is just friend and they are not in love; in accordance to this understanding I see no reason for her to pursue him anymore if she wants to maintain the integrity of this marriage.

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When was the last contact between them that you know of?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by canadien74
They are in fear because once I find contact between them than our deal is off and I can reveal this secret to anyone who should be concerned.

So you have made a deal with her not to expose the affair.

No wonder you won't take our advice about exposing. You have no intention of doing so because you think that your ways means she will stay with you, out of fear of shame.


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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by canadien74
They are in fear because once I find contact between them than our deal is off and I can reveal this secret to anyone who should be concerned.

So you have made a deal with her not to expose the affair.

No wonder you won't take our advice about exposing. You have no intention of doing so because you think that your ways means she will stay with you, out of fear of shame.


I am observing her actions and giving her opportunity to show me that I matter; so far she has shown that she is serious about our marriage and what ever happened is in past.

I will monitor the situation and see how things develope without cousin interfering in our marriage; he infiltrated my marriage for the last three years before I got fed up and made a stop to everything; Now, I want to see how we will move forward just the two of us with our baby.

I have learned a lot of things that I can improve to make my wife feel that she matters to me and I want to do things together without control or force; this will be our enthusiatic agreement to help each find happiness and satisfaction out of this marriage.

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When was the last contact between your WW and the OM?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
When was the last contact between your WW and the OM?


From my knowledge this happened on March.16 when I played VAR recording in front of my brother, OMW and his MOM present along with my wife and OM offcourse.

Until that point it was safe for them because I did not have proof and they denied that they were meeting; I did the DNA Patrrnity test 1 week after that and my wife suspected that something big was gonna happened so she confessed ahead of result that Cousin was the Sperm donor and i was not the father.

I allowed OM to come into our life; his sole purpose was to improve our life and bring positive experiences. He did that but my wife took it wrong and she tried to repay his good gesture by becoming emotionally involved with him.

This all thing happened with my support and I shielded my wife from my and her family and I protected her for all this time because of my love for her; I will now take the OM out of our life because I love her even if she hates me for it.

I will guard her dignity; yet I will keep her accountable; I know she is a tender soul and I have been difficult on her; I have learned certain things from these experience and I will put it to better use and improve our married life moving forward.

I come here to learn and challenge myself; I know I am triggered and I need to find peace and stillness in myself as these has affected me profoundly.

I have learned more about marriage and relationship in last 1 year than rest of the time, and my attention is constantly looking for answers and way to make it right.

Your feedback will be greatly appreciated as everyday is a new day and new challenge along the way.


Last edited by canadien74; 09/15/20 09:58 PM.

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