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#3014054 10/21/20 09:18 AM
Joined: Oct 2020
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Gms Offline OP
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Hello
I am 71 and about to get married. I dearly love my fiancée and I can’t wait until we’re actually married. I do have a problem, in my own mind, about her sexual past. I have recurring thoughts and sometimes images about things she did when she was much younger. She told me a lot about her first boyfriend and that appears to have satisfied my curiosity. I no longer think about him. There are however three other instances about her lovers that pop into my head fairly often. I try very hard to push these thoughts aside but they keep coming back. I have read books about retroactive jealousy but that doesn’t help. I don’t think I’m jealous; I think I’m just curious.
I’m not sure what to do except “suck it up”. I’m wondering if talking about these instances will help take the thoughts away.
Any good advice is appreciated. Please do not tell me not to get married; I love her with my whole heart and soul and I want to marry her.

Gms #3014056 10/21/20 01:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Gms
I’m not sure what to do except “suck it up”. I’m wondering if talking about these instances will help take the thoughts away.




Hi GMS, welcome to Marriage Builders. I would definitely not talk about it ever again. Talking about it brings the unpleasantness of the past into the present. [an enemy of good conversation] NOT speaking about it helps it fade into the past. And I am sure it does not help her feelings towards you when you bring it up. Don't hurt your relationship like that. Just drop it and train your mind to think of something else when it comes up. Your logic needs to override your warped emotions. You learned to do this when you transitioned from a teenager to an adult. I would just call on your powers of logic to overcome incorrect thoughts.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101



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