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#3014207 11/13/20 10:38 PM
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I have pondered divorce for a while now but have never been sure if the root cause of my unhappiness is my relationship with my husband or with the stress of this time in our lives. We have three young children and we both have demanding careers which means very little time for fun. It’s all routines and every day feels like a repeat of the last.

When I think about our relationship, I don’t really feel anything. I don’t miss him when he’s gone and I’m not excited to see him when I get home from work. We’re very opposite in most ways and there is always friction between us on decisions big and small. I can’t say that I enjoy the intimacy either or that it really does much for me. I also find myself thinking of other men regularly, though I have never cheated and would never cheat. I want to feel like I’m on the same page with my partner, I want to light up when I see my partner and miss him when he is away. He is a great father and is also a dedicated husband - I know he loves me. This blah feeling isn’t what I envisioned for marriage but I don’t know if I’m just fantasizing about a mystical world of marriage that doesn’t exist in real life.

I don’t want to break our children with a divorce. It makes me sick to think about that. But I also don’t want to stay in a blah marriage and look back in the future and wish I had left.

Any advice?

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Have you ever considered therapy? As a couple or just for yourself it might be helpful to find out about the reasons why you feel kind of 'numb' towards your marriage.

Of course, things become routine after years, but I think that doesn't mean not being happy that you have them.
I've heard it several times before and I also stand by the following premise: You have to wake up every morning and decide to commit to your relationship, or not. Decide whether you like the life you're living or not.

Of course, divorce comes with a long tail of obstacles and trauma, especially when you've got children. It's definitely not going to be easy and you should be sure that it's worth it. Will it make you happier to break with this part of your life?
Then yes, it's definitely an option, but it should be thought through.

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Originally Posted by Debra.Byrnes
I have pondered divorce for a while now but have never been sure if the root cause of my unhappiness is my relationship with my husband or with the stress of this time in our lives. We have three young children and we both have demanding careers which means very little time for fun. It’s all routines and every day feels like a repeat of the last.

When I think about our relationship, I don’t really feel anything. I don’t miss him when he’s gone and I’m not excited to see him when I get home from work. We’re very opposite in most ways and there is always friction between us on decisions big and small. I can’t say that I enjoy the intimacy either or that it really does much for me. I also find myself thinking of other men regularly, though I have never cheated and would never cheat. I want to feel like I’m on the same page with my partner, I want to light up when I see my partner and miss him when he is away. He is a great father and is also a dedicated husband - I know he loves me. This blah feeling isn’t what I envisioned for marriage but I don’t know if I’m just fantasizing about a mystical world of marriage that doesn’t exist in real life.

I don’t want to break our children with a divorce. It makes me sick to think about that. But I also don’t want to stay in a blah marriage and look back in the future and wish I had left.

Any advice?
Have you read Dr. Harley's basic concepts?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by alexpatt
Have you ever considered therapy? As a couple or just for yourself it might be helpful to find out about the reasons why you feel kind of 'numb' towards your marriage.
Guaranteed that if this person goes to therapy, she will be encouraged to make herself feel better by leaving her marriage.

Have you read anything on this site?


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Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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The goal of MB is to get back that head-over-heels-in-love feeling...
No other program does that!


me, DH
all the children
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I feel like what you said is exactly what my wife has told me when she said she wanted a divorce. However I was super unaware of her feeling that way and will do almost anything to work on it to make it feel like what you want. Having that conversation with your husband could be an eye opener for him or yourself based on his response. I know it was for me and im trying to get her to see the same so we can work on it.


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