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#3014431 12/20/20 12:36 AM
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 1
F
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F
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 1
Short version:

My wife of 4 years left me the day before Thanksgiving. She was preparing her exit strategy for about a month, and went to stay with a friend (girl) in Boston with no intention of returning. Before she left, I did catch her sexting a guy, but it was really early on and I told the guy's wife about it (I think I shut it down).

She planned to live up there permanently, but agreed to come home if I moved out. I consulted my pastor and my wife's father (he owns the house we live in. He is devastated that his daughter is doing all this), and they both agreed that providing my wife with space might be a good idea.

It's been a month. My wife will not even acknowledge her infidelity, says she is done with the marriage, and will not seek counseling. I don't think she is still having an affair, as she had no one to pick her up from the airport (except me) and is planning to spend Christmas with her aunt.

I am willing to give space and work on myself if it means saving my marriage, but it sounds like many here disagree with my pastor and father in law, and instead think I should return home. I am concerned that she will be furious, and will just leave again, this time for good. We have no children.

I don't know what to do, but I recognize that I am emotionally devastated and the least qualified to make rational decisions at this point. Which is why I am relying on the guidance of people who share my goals and values when it comes to my marriage; but are they wrong?

Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 2
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Well im no expert here but I think maybe you can leave the accusing part out now. Just pick her up from the airport, stop discussing the relationship. Let her come to you from now on with that stuff when she is ready and *ask* her how she would feel about you returning to the home. Pushing someone who has a foot out the door is hardly the right move if your trying to save your Marriage. I know its hard but put your feelings to the side and support her even if she is wrong. Your free to disagree with her choices but dont make every contact you have with her about that. Just stay back at a distance and let her do her thing. Offer to to be there, let her know your sorry for your part in whatever the root issue was behind her wanting to leave and then leave it at that. It is all you can do.


She asked for Divorce- Sep 2020
I got Served Oct-2020
I Uncovered her affair and she moved out-Oct 2020
Got my new place-Nov 2020
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
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B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
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Hi. Welcome to MB.

Have you read Dr. Harley’s Basic concepts? When is she coming home?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.




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