Your girlfriend has indicated pretty strongly she has no interest in reading MB materials. Instead of annoying her by bringing up marriage builders frequently, why not consider reading them thoroughly yourself and then implementing them on your own? Just do it one-sided for a while and see how she responds. Make sure you understand what love busters are and eliminate them completely. Be affectionate and conversant with her. Be nice to her kids.
What did you think of the Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders thread?
Thanks for the tips. I have read the books a few times over the years. I have been struggling to maintain a completely giving nature as even if I try to stay in a democratic respectful state i end up having to sacrifice to keep the peace and her happy; or happy enough.
I have observed her coming to a more conciliatory / accomodating position on things of her own accord but her natural way of negotiating things is agressive dictatorial methods and escalation of behaviour to get what she wants. Resistance from me is often viewed as a challenge and exacerbates and entrenches her opposite position rather than trying to find mutually acceptable solutions.
I am going to try to manifest as much lovebank protecting behaviour as possible and hope she is willing to engage on this stuff over time. I just purchased a copy of His needs / her needs and Lover busters. WHen they arrive will just leave them in view somewhere and not say anything.
I read the Buyers , renters , free loaders thread stuff. I can see the logic and can also see the behaviour we have been inflicting on each other. I basically got to the complete withdrawal state and left a week and bit ago. Since returning monday. we have slowly reconnected and can feel we are rebuilding our trust for one another again.
The Ex had apparently gone into over drive in trying to encourage her to come back and offering to help her with various things once he discovered I had left. Seems my spider senses were pretty well on the money about him and not wanting them to be in contact more than necessary.
In any event, she had refused his offers even when she was refusing to talk to me for most of the week. She had told him apparently that there was no love from her just friendship. When he found out she had agreed to reconcile with me he apparently had a dummy spit and told her he didn't want any more contact from her unless it was perfunctory stuff relating to Kids spending time at his place.
In discussing with me she had said she realises now it was unfair to him to try to keep as friend when he was hoping for something more and that it was better for us that it had turned out that way.
I really would have preferred her to have practiced that level of respectful disconnection by herself but I guess this way is better than me struggling with the urge to demand it all the time and instead have it poison my trust for her.
Now I feel much more relaxed that her focus is us and not being pushed back to him.