[Thanks for merging my thread. I am new to the forum so not sure of the best way to post. If I have different questions related to my situation, should I start a new thread or just continue to respond to my original one? For example, right now I would like to post a question about whether anyone had regrets telling their children. I am specifically looking for people who might have regretted telling their kids (I don't want to do it the wrong way and I want my husband and I to be on the same page regarding telling the kids). If I just add this question to an existing thread, how do I get applicable people to respond to it?
The issue for people who want to respond to your posts is that they need to know your recent history in order to understand the context of your question. Speaking as a poster, I find it time-consuming to have to find someone's older threads and read them first before being able to return to the current one to answer the question. If someone were to start, say six new threads for each question (and we have so many questions when there has been an affair), I would find it very irritating to have to read a whole series of threads before I could reply.
Your questions are basically about the one situation. You are asking about the different steps you need to take, but you are in the same position that you were in last week, dealing with the same aftermath of the same affair that brought you here. There is no need to start a new thread for each question.
On exposure: I'd be very surprised if anyone were to post and tell you they regretted exposing to their children.
I recommend that you read this thread
about exposure. it has collected together years of experience from many posters. There is a section in it about exposing to children.
I want to warn you that you must not
seek to be on the same page as your husband about exposing, to your children or to anyone else. Your husband is unlikely to ever be on the same page as you about exposing; if he had his way he would not allow you to expose at all. Who wants their shameful behaviour to be revealed to people that know and love them, especially their kids? If you try to do this from the same page, he will try and water down what you are trying to tell the kids. He will agree to your saying something like "Dad made a mistake, but he is not doing it any more and we are okay now". The "mistake" will not be explained and the harm he has caused you will be glossed over. He might even try to say that in some way, the affair was your fault because the marriage was bad. Watering down and justification defy the purposes of exposing, which are to get support for you, to warn your children of the identity of the other woman, and to give them an education on the immorality of affairs. They know this in theory but they need to see at first hand the hurt that the affair has caused you for it to really mean something.
I hope also that the Exposure thread will cause you to reassess the people to whom the affair is already knowledge. When you wrote to the Harleys, Joyce didn't think that you could have exposed because of the way you worded something. However, on this thread you have spoken about the number of people that know. The thing is, their "knowing" is not the same as your having done a proper exposure. If you did not tell them yourself, and if you did not ask for their help to talk to your husband about his wrongdoing, you should consider doing this properly now.
You told us that OW eventually married your husband's godfather, and that he and his godfather are now estranged. I hope you realise that you and your husband can now never see his godfather and wife again, because your husband must do total non-contact with OW for life - that is, if you are to recover your marriage.
However, as I said, I don't think you should be trying to recover your marriage because your husband is not showing any desperation to keep you. I still think you should write to Dr Harley with the information that he refuses to give up politics.
It strikes me that your husband has not been trying to rebuild his marriage at all. It was you who wrote to Dr Harley, and you who are here now trying to do the work of rebuilding, while your husband tells you he will not give up his political dreams, has recently tried to restart the affair, and is upset with his godfather for marrying his lover.
His behaviour, post affair, is appalling.