Hey Guys,<P>I have to believe that I am on the right track. For anyone following my story, I took my female "friend" [yes friend only, remember that I strongly feel that I am still legally and morally married to Val] and my youngest son to Peddler's Village and Carousel World today. We had the absolute BEST time. [Yes we both kept our pants on and that's the way it's going to be until I am divorced]<P>I couldn't wait for today to come. We walked around, chatted, goofed around. It was great. I was a total and complete idiot. Had to be the center of attention. Just like 11 years ago before I met my current W. She [W] did not like the way I acted. I was being me! I had to suppress being a jerk for so long, I hated me. I'm naturally a nutball. You guys can vouch for that.<P>I felt guilty today for having a good time with someone else other than the W and not working on my marriage. Thank God that lasted for about 2 seconds. I finally figured out that I WAS working on my marriage. That I have to be happy with me before I can move on to bigger things.<P>The only downer for the day was we burned daylight and didn't get a chance to hit New Hope. Guess that will have to be another day.<P>I am so thankful for this site and all you guys. I would not have been able to pull myself up by my bootstraps solo.<P>Don't try this at home without a safety net!<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

I could actually see the smile on your face as I read this. I am very happy that you had a good time. You deserved it!

Hey Medic,<P>Good one.<P>I'm so proud of your attitude of keeping your pants on until it's all done and dusted. Isn't it so tempting to just say - "Bleep you" I'm going to do it too!!! Good on you for not.<BR>Thanks for the comments about the 'other business' too, it shocked my drawers off. But, it is only one opinion, and I guess it did make me think some more - my brain hurts from thinking !!! Is there anything I can take for brainstrain ???<BR>Have another great day<P>Jo

Hey Hurtone,<P>You wouldn't happen to live near Va Beach would you? I don't take up that much room. If you have a dog house or closet available I"ll be right down. It is so beautiful down there. That's where I plan to retire.<P>Yes, I deserve to be happy and so does everyone here. I'm working on me. Didn't put the final nail in the coffin of our marriage yet.<P>Hey Bonnet,<P>Thanks to both of you for the "atta boy". Yeah, I could probably get something if I wanted [If you know what I mean]. I'm not the prettiest crayon in the box, but, my personality and UGH sense of "humor" gets me far. <P>For the brainstrain. I'd tell you to take a vacation from your problems today. Try not to think about them. Don't worry they will still be there tomorrow. Work on fixing you and finding your happiness.<P>That really worked for me. I would have had a great time yesterday even if Michele didn't go along.<P>Catch you guys later.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Well I may be the densest color in the crayon box, but are we "atta boy"ing Mr. MedicMan for having a companion of the opposite sex .... and STILL being married?<P>Hello?<P>Maybe I'm just not enlightened, but I THOUGHT this was against the rules.

Medic (Sand-pounder): I'll never get over that. I'm glad you got your mind off things and had a good time. I'm not so glad at the way you did it. Not meaning to cloud your bright day here, but what I'm looking for in you is the day you have this great feeling and happiness without having to have someone help you get it. Maybe your kids but nobody else. Congrats on a good day otherwise. <P>Keep smiling and tuggin on those straps. You'll either stand up straight or poke your toe out the end, either way somethings going to happen!<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Maya,<P>I don't think you are the densest crayon. I believe the atta boys are for most recently finding my life, self respect and some semblence of happiness again.<P>Yes, I have a female friend, A FRIEND, not the same kind of "friend" that my W has. I am not sneaking around behind her back, nor am I sleeping with my friend. There is no emotional or physical connection. That was agreed upon before day one. <P>Michele and I went out for dinner last week and I felt very guilty for enjoying someone elses company other than my W. I told Val [W] the next day. She did not believe that I had a "date". She is still under the impression that if things don't work out with Brian that I will be the fallback plan. <P>Yes I am still legally and morally married. I will not commit to another relationship for quite a while even if we do divorce. Not even close to being ready for that.<P>I just refuse to sit here every night and wallow in self pity waiting for W to come to her senses and want to work on the marriage. I did that for the longest time and it was very unhealthy.<P>I have had more than opportunity to have an affair of my own in the past. I was the betrayer in my first marriage and will never ever let myself down like that again. That still weighs heavy on my soul to this day.<P>I have a new outlook on my life. I WILL survive and am presently doing very well for the circumstances that I am currently in.<P>I appreciate your questioning my actions and motive. I am working on fixing me. I really need it.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

How about going out to dinner with a GUY friend?<P>I mean, MedicMan, this just screams in my face .... red flags .... you know, the whole nine yards.<P>How many betrayers went into a friendship the SAME way? I know I did.<P>

Hey Paul,<P>Must have been posting at the same time. Please see my explaination above to Maya. I do not consider what I am doing to be morally wrong. I am pulling myself out of the "sand" pit of devistation and humiliation. <P>I also hang out with the guys who work for me. That's weird isn't it. They go out with their boss. I just needed some female companionship as well. Nothing happened and nothing will. Won't go there!<P>I hope things are going better for you as well. This is a terrible club to be a member of, but, thank God for all the support. <P>Thanks for the reply. I value everyones opinion here. Please don't think less of me. I'm not trying to hurt Val. I'm just trying to help me. I really would like nothing more than to reconsile. Hopefully that day will come for all of us.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic <BR>

Maya,<P>I certainly understand what you are trying to convey. I am going into this not with the hopes of destroying my marriage and starting a new relationship. I really hope that Val "wakes up" soon so we can build a strong bond. I still love her very much no matter the pain she has put me through.<P>I am not denying that we have some very serious problems. This friendship is not intended to fill any emotional needs that I currently have. I have put them on hold for the time being.<P>Yes, I do know some of your story. I am finding happiness again, but, with my eyes WIDE open. I am not having an affair or cheating on my W. Thanks for your concerns.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic.

I agree with you entirely on the doormat issue. Do not be one. Plain and simple. I also like that you are going out and do not have a problem with it being a female friend, as long as you are clear in your end results and are clear to the female friend and not leading her on. Not saying you would do that, intentionally at least. <P>When I say end results (hunkering down for a blasting here) I don't nesecarily mean fixing your marriage either. Val may be the greatest person in the world. When she's in "this" world. But for now she's not, besides you have gone beyond that now (my opinion) The time has come to right yourself and keep you from sinking. When that happens you will be in a better place. With or without Val, we'll pray with, but it may not be.<P>I'm glad you are feeling better, take care of the kids and keep up the fight.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Gotta agree with Maya here. I see the RED flags all over the place. And I am saying this because I am there. Only thing I can say is that I have reached the place where I give up on my marriage. I can't wait and hope any more. My H made it perfectly clear he is OUTTA HERE. But if you still have hope and want to work at it... BE CAREFUL. I just don't believe in "friendships only" with the opposite sex. But maybe thats just me... it doesn't work for me.

Why is it that it is ok for my H to live with the OW, since he has filed for divorce - it is ok with his family, with co-workers, with therapists, with the church she attends, and most importantly with the court system - but for the other spouse to date is not ok. Maybe it is risky, for very often it does spell the end of the betrayed's desire to work on the marriage, but I don't think it is immoral. <P>