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#328742 12/27/00 06:20 PM
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kd31700 Offline OP
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My husband and I have been married for 8 months. During this period of time I have given up things that I would like to do because he sees them as having a negative effect on our relationship. And according to the joint policy of aggreement we should not do that. But how can one overcome the anger and resentment that comes along with that? I have LOTS of anger and resentment because he keeps me from doing things that I really want to do.

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kd31700, you dont mention what things you have given up<BR>are they really things you need to give up or can you work something out so that you can stil do them without it affecting your marriage.

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kd31700 Offline OP
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To name a few things, he has made me change the way that I dress. Not that I wore things that were inappropriate in the first place, but he likes clothes that totally cover my body. He says that if someone can see a part of my back then that may make them interested, but I really disagree becasue men will approach regardless of what I wear.<BR>I have given up a desire to be interested in just the two of us and I have been forced to consider his kids also. (Prior to marrying he told me that I would not have to concern myself with them.)<P>He says that it would be better for me to wait to go to school because we can not afford it financailly right now. But we really can not afford anything right now. But this is something that I want now. Later my desire may go away. ANd if I started now, I would find a way to finance it. <P>He does not want me to go to the military because he says that I will probably cheat on him.

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kd31700 reading your reply it sounds to me like your husband doesnt have trust and thats one of the things you need in a marriage<BR>marriage is not about controllinf<BR>g the other person and this to me sounds like what your husband is doing.<BR>has he been married before? and if so why did the marriage end.<BR>

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kd31700 Offline OP
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Yes he has been. His ex left him. She told me that she left him because he could not take care of her and her kids. (but of course she was not going to work herself.)When she left they had two children under 2.

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im sorry to ask so many questions but in what way could he not take care of her and their kids.

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kd31700,<P>Hi. What about negotiating for you to take 1-2 classes now? You could explain to your husband (perhaps again) that you really think your working toward your goals is important to you and how you feel about school and see if you can't start working toward that goal, even if it is in a small way-it would be in the right direction of progress. Find a way to get him to support you in this. Small can be big-it'll grow over time and you'll be closer to your goal.<P>Good luck!<BR>HM <BR>P.S. If he doesn't agree to classes now, try to find out why and negotiate for maybe 2 classes this year! If you plan together for it-it'd be doable. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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kd31700 Offline OP
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She did not work and was not willing to work. But she wanted to have evrything. My husband said that she bought things in his name, since she was his wife, she was allowed to do this. Instead of discussing buying a new entertainment center with stereo and big screen TV she bought it without discussing things with him. At first my husband was supporting her in this lifestyle and allowing her to do this. <BR>Then it got to a point where he could not comtinue to do this and she left. But of course, when she left him, she left the with all the brand new furniture, cars, and other things that the two of them had acquired in their two year marriage. Good for him that she did not get the house, but she did ruin his credit. <BR>This woman and I are 24. She had been married before my husband and from what my husband later found out, she did the exact same thing to her first husband. <BR>I think that my husband was more trusting and kind than he should have been. And since she did this to him, he now feels like he has to stand up to me. I do not mind answering hte questions so if you have more, I would be happy to answer them. Thank you for your help.

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his exwife sounds very selfish. when you are married you have to think of your spouse and she wasnt doing this by going out and spending his money then leaving him cause he couldnt afford her way of living.<P>its a bit like my partners sister in law her and her husband are not doing that well money wise...her husband works about 50kms from home yet she is not willing to move so that he doesnt have to spend $50NZD a week in petrol..and its all because her parents live nearby....she sees them everyday of the week which i dont think is a good thing..seeing them once or twice a week is fine....anyways<BR>what im trying to say here is that there will be one spouse who gives gives gives and one who just likes taking


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