I plodded on<BR>Through road blocks<BR>Through stop signs<BR>Refusing to be cowed by the hostility of unscrupulous professors<BR>Unwilling to be defeated by the uncertainty of the qualifying exam’s outcome<BR>Always believing that the light at the end of the tunnel would warrant the rocky ride<BR>Buoyed by my internal strength and the financial and mental support of my wife<BR>I wound up the circuitous path toward success.<BR>Always onward toward my ultimate goal, a good life for me and my family.<BR>Interviews with several companies<BR>Only one offer, not as much as we’d like, but it moves toward the goal.<BR>Relocate again, at least we’re together.<BR>Family growing, pray to God they don’t get taken away.<BR>Scrape by, the big break will come.<BR>Resumes out again, too long at this income.<BR>No offers.<P>A raise, a raise, a raise, a raise!<BR>The girls will stay with us! <BR>Onward to the adoption<BR>Clicking on all cylinders.<BR>Money troubles behind us.<BR>Foster care behind us.<BR>A family complete, on the road to the good life.<P>Where did it go wrong?<BR>A pothole the size of a semi truck.<BR>Derailed by the betrayal of trust from the one I trusted most<BR>Stymied by the reversal of my fortune.<BR>I try to drag myself off the road to safety<BR>I clutch my children to me, trying to protect them from the oncoming traffic<BR>I don’t have enough arms.<BR>I need my partner to help me.<BR>I need my wife to love me.<BR>I need my friend.<P>My life in shambles around me<BR>A house I don’t want<BR>A wife I don’t have<BR>A career which no longer matters<BR>A life which lies in ruin at my feet.

The veneer,<BR>The coating so thick that I saw nothing;<BR>Felt nothing;<BR>It was enough just to breathe.<BR>Dull, no feeling.<BR>I was safe inside, but it itched like hell.<BR>You were locked out.<BR>Your pleas were muffled, whining tones<BR>with no meaning.<BR>I only on life support<BR>Then you swung, WHAM!<BR>A near-death blow to my chest<BR>and the veneer shattered.<BR>Slivers in my skin, jagged points in my heart,<BR>and I amost died<BR>in agony.<BR>There was such hurt and it was cold so cold<BR>without a shell anymore.<BR>But then something happened.<BR>Strange,<BR>It felt better.<BR>I could move, I could feel the air on my skin<BR>for the first time in years.<BR>I looked at you and barely recognized you and realized<BR>you had been out of reach,<BR>Far away, a void gaping between us for so long.<BR>The shell I wore keeping you from me.<BR>Confusion...<BR>What is all this?<BR>How can someone strike another whom they love so?<BR>But I think it wasn't you,<BR>Not really.<BR>Not the you that was lost and alone.<BR>It was God<BR>who heard you and said let him be free<BR>to love and hold you again.<BR>You will hurt him to free him.<BR>A solvent will not do, a gentle tug will not do,<BR>Free him!<BR>So you did,<BR>As you asked, and God willed.<BR>So here I am, exposed and naked to you.<BR>No shell, no shelter except your love and care,<BR>And so grateful in my hurt.<BR>Shaken, but Free.<BR>Free to love and hold you,<BR>Free to kiss you and need you and ask and give and carry you and you carry me<BR>and fly long graceful orbits locked together in gratitude and love.<BR>It's still sore there,<BR>but the heart beating for you doesn't care.<BR>It thanks God and you.<BR>I'm free, we're together again.<BR> <BR>Love J<P>------------------<BR>*************************<BR>Thronx - one of the statistics....<BR>*************************