Thanks to all who responded to my posts and prayer requests. I realize that sometimes God reveals himself to us in painful experiences. This must be the most painful and sad time of my life, but I'm grateful to God for it. It's made me stronger and it's brought me closer to Him. I spoke to my H on Sunday. We had an arguement over the phone. I was supposed to send him the signed separation agreement by Friday, but I didn't because I knew that as soon as he received it, he would file for a divorce. I just didn't want to face it. I tried not to cry as we were arguing, but I couldn't help it. I told him I would stop by to pick up the rest of my things. When I arrived, we just looked into eachothers eyes. We sat down and talked calmly about our jobs, my apartment search, etc. He then came and sat next to me and as he caressed my face he said, "Please don't cry anymore...it hurts me so much to see you cry". We just hugged and it felt so good to be in his arms again. When I got up to start packing my things, he came up to me again and hugged me once more. Both our eyes filled with tears. We had a very emotional moment. He then looked at me and said, "I don't want to lose you, but I can't and don't want to be married right now. My life is so uncertain at this time and I feel like I can't be anybody's husband. I realize we made too many quick decisions and now we're paying for that". If you've read my previous posts, you'll understand what this means. He said that we both need to be alone for a while...to give ourselves time to grow, to mature and to be more responsible. Most of our problems occurred because of our irresponsibility and immaturity. He even proposed that we give eachother the opportunity to start over...to give ourselves the opportunity to be boyfriend/girlfriend. (We had a long-distance relationship before we were legally married. We were never married at church). After hearing this, I agreed that some time alone would be good for both of us, but I suggested that we don't need to get a divorce...we don't have to take it that far. He disagreed. He STILL wants to get a divorce. Maybe for him, this is the only way we can truly start over? But if we do, logic tells me...why would he want to get married again? His life would be so comfortable. He would live on his own, have a girlfriend (me) to satify his sexual and emotional needs, yet he wouldn't have the obligations of a husband. Could it be that the love I feel for him is blinding me? I believe he does love me, even though several people have told me that he doesn't and probably never has. I have prayed so much and I know God has been working in my relationship. God's power is stronger than pride, stronger than selfishness and stronger than evil. I have placed my relationship in God's hands and I still do feel hurt by my H's decision to divorce, but all I ask is for God to guide me in the right direction. That if this is the man I was meant to love...then nothing, not even divorce papers will keep us apart. Still, the speaking of divorce and the steps we have to take until we get to that point are very painful for me. They don't seem to bother my H. He's doing a very good job of separating feelings from plans. My God...give me the strength to get through this and thank you for giving me a good heart. Despite all the pain I've gone through, I don't hate my H or his family. I still love him dearly. Thanks for taking the time to read my post and for your encouraging prayers. We must remember that NOTHING is impossible through God. God bless you all.<P>Ginnie