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#340589 12/29/01 01:43 AM
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Please pray for my family to be restored. Last summer I left my wife, and 2 sons. We had a great Christian home until the last five years. Due to our problems, I had fallen away from God and felt justified in leaving. Within a few weeks, after leaving, in God's mercy, he changed my heart and I left the other woman. I moved in to my own apartment. During this time I continued to meet all expenses for my family. My wife does not work outside the home.<p>The week before Christmas, I moved out of the apartment and returned home to my wife and sons. My wife is not sure that she wants me back and I am staying against her wishes. She said that she needs to be alone to heal from what I did to her. Maybe I should have given her more time alone, but it seemed that we were only growing further apart. Our says that my wife has a right to divorce me. He has allowed her to remain comfortable with the idea of ending the marriage based on my adultery. I have pleaded for forgiveness, and a chance to show that I have repented. I asked that he help bring us together, but he just tells me to stay away from my home and family. Everyone that my wife is close to accepts divorce as the final outcome. I have confessed my sinfulness to everyone including my sons. Only my sons have been able to forgive me and want me to return home. We both did wrong, ( few people knew we had problems) but I did the visible thing when I left to be with the OW.<p>I fear that my wife intends to file for separation or divorce the first part of January. She almost filed at the end of October, but my sons talked her out of do so. We live in Michigan. Please pray that God will renew her mind and allow her to forgive me and accept me back. She is a good Christian woman. I love her and my sons and so much want a second chance to be a good Christian husband and father.<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

#340590 12/28/01 03:27 PM
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{{{RichardK}}} I'm so sorry that you've now done the right thing and your W feels it's too late. I pray DAILY for my H's heart to turn back towards me and our family. <p>Father, you know you hate divorce. Please open RichardK's wife's heart and eyes and turn them back towards her H. Please father, give her discernment about her RichardK's true remorse and help her to find forgiveness. As Jesus said "forgive your enemy 70 times 7." Father, you know what is in RichardK's heart. You know he has truly repented to you and asked you for your forgiveness. Please, Father, heal this family and heal this Marriage. Father, please keep the pastor and his opinions AWAY from RichardK's wife. Father I ask that if RichardK's wife is set on divorce, that you would put roadblocks up that would give RichardK the time he needs to repent to his wife and for her heart to be turned back to him. Father, I ask you to guide RichardK's words and actions so that his wife may find all the love she needs with this man.<p>Father, I ask all of these things in Jesus' precious name,<p>AMEN<p>PEACE RichardK<p>Kari

#340591 12/28/01 03:54 PM
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Kari,
Thank you so much for your prayer. I am so remorseful for what I have done. Regretfully, I now know why the Bible warns us so often about the sin of adultery. It is so destructive. I pray that my wife's mind will be renewed and that our God will soften her heart. <p>I will pray for you and your husband. I ask that he will be reminded of the love he has for you. That our Lord will show him that nothing can replace a Godly wife that loves the Lord. I pray that God will have mercy on him and allow him to turn from his sinful ways. I ask that he will find himself incomplete with out the help-mate that God has given him. I pray for you too Kari. I ask that you will be able to forgive him and accept him back.
In the name of Jesus I ask that the works of the evil one will be bound from this moment on. I ask that Kari's husband's mind be renewed and that her husband brings this household under your authority.
Amen<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

#340592 12/29/01 05:55 AM
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Dear Richard,<p>I am so sorry that your pastor of all people is leading your wife away from you.<p>I think it is so wonderful that you have been so determined to mend your family and start back fresh. What a pity that your wife is having so much trouble forgiving you. I know that adultery is really hard to forgive because it touches us in our weakest spot. Our hearts are so vulnerable and the betrayal is really hard to handle. But I think she will forgive you because of your determination. She needs some time. She says she needs space - maybe you can give her space in your home by being super respectful of her, helpful in the house and good to your sons.<p>Even if she divorces you, it's irrelevant because Jesus said we are married for life. You are always going to be married in the eyes of the Lord and even after a divorce, you can remarry her.<p>I am really sure she will forgive you. Don't keep repeating that you are sorry but write her a long letter saying so and telling her you want to start over again in the Lord. Don't excuse yourself, even though I don't doubt that both of you have some fault. There is no reason to share the blame because ultimately, we are all responsible for what we do. I'm sure she knows that she isn't perfect and has kicked herself a number of times over past behavior and words said (as I have done.)<p>I think you are a very courageous man and this is now your trial. But trials do make us stronger - even though they hurt a lot. You are doing the right thing and your wife will see it - don't worry. Is there another church to go to? I have a really hard time imagining a pastor who encourages the breakup of a marriage. Also, Jesus never said that after adultery, you could remarry. So will your wife stay single now? <p>Also, He said that we had to perservere till the end in order to be saved so our actions of TODAY count more than the actions of yesterday.<p>Maybe reading this website and the books can help you to address your wife's emotional needs better and slowly you can stitch back your life together. I admire you for your determination and perserverance and wish you all the best.<p>Jesus, I know You have forgiven Richard K. Please change his wife's heart so that she can trust him again and desire him as her husband. Lord, You have allowed this trial for Richard to grow closer to You. Keep him in your arms and allow him to feel the peace that only You can give. Bless all those who read this and sustain the others on this forum.<p>Amen.

#340593 12/29/01 08:54 AM
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Hello, RichardK,
I would like to reiterate what MoM said about all of us here praying DAILY for our WH's to return home. What a blessing to hear of one repentant H who has returned! Unfortunately, the hurt is deep and your W is unwilling to "do the right thing."<p>We are astonished by her actions! You must get her away from the support system she has built which is now giving her false advice. It IS false advice! I'm very sorry, but I don't understand your pastor telling her these things. Have you met with him privately and asked him to please help you save your M? God is clear. Divorce is WRONG, and any time there is a chance for reconciliation, that is His perfect Will for any M.<p>Have your read SAA? Will she read it? She will see that reconciliation is possible, and how all the partners in this "drama" feel throughout. I believe you should Plan A your W. Be more than the H you should be. Be attentive to ALL her EN's. Win her back with your love. Will she pray with you? I would make a point of praying with her at every opportunity. Take her out to lunch, dinner, whatever just to have an opportunity to pray with her! Prayer always brings us closer.<p>Dear Heavenly Father,
I come humbly before you and ask that RichardK's W. would begin to turn her heart back toward her H. Father, you are very clear in your Word that we are NOT to separate if the offending partner comes back in repentance. Let his W read this in your Word, and strip away the blinders that are keeping her from seeing it. Lord, please touch this family, and do NOT let them become another of Satan's statistics. Show her, Father, what she is to do in order to remain obedient to YOU. It matters not what WE want, Lord, but what you want us to do as your children.<p>Father, thank You for your incredible gifts to us, for Your Son, for Your Word, for Your Holy Spirit. Your Love, alone, will hold us up through our trials, and Lord Jesus, saying thank You with our words, our obedient lives and our hearts still wouldn't be enough for this gift of eternal life.
Amen<p>Lupo

#340594 12/29/01 10:39 AM
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Dear RichardK,
God bless you Richard. He can and will heal your marriage. I will be praying for you and your wife. I read a great article today and this line stood out to me: "There is no marriage God cannot heal. There is no person God cannot change." Praise God!<p>Heavenly Father, I thank You that Richardk has come to You with a repentant heart. Thank You Father for healing this marriage. Thank You Father for causing Richard to turn away from sin and back to You. Lord, just as You turned Richard's heart, I ask that You would turn his wife's heart back to him, fill her heart with love for her own husband. Lord, we stand on the promises of Your word that tells us that You hate divorce, and what God has joined together, let no man separate. Reveal Your Truth to Richard's wife, help her Father to become more like your precious son Jesus. Father I know that You can heal this marriage, because NOTHING is impossible for you. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN<p>Richard, a couple of websites that may be helpful to you:<p>www.rejoiceministries.org and www.familylife.com<p>Rejoice Ministries has wonderful articles on healing marriages and standing for the healing of your marriage. The Steinkamp's testimony is awesome.

#340595 12/30/01 11:15 AM
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RichardK,
Just checking in to see how you're doing? I hope things are going o.k.<p>Kari

#340596 12/30/01 11:05 PM
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<<<<RichardK>>>><p>Keep the faith! I believe strongly that whatever is meant to happen, will! God is in charge and He knows what's best. He will show you the way. Stay loyal to her and maybe just ask her for time to show her how sorry you are and how much yo love her. That's asking a lot but it might buy you time without a divorce. It's hard to wait while she heals, even for her. Keep proving to her, don't give her any reason to doubt, give her more explination that she needs and just believe. Love can conqure. Just love her and give her time!<p>My prayers are for you and your family!!
Snowcat

#340597 12/31/01 02:17 AM
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Thanks you so much Tryingtohope,<p>You are so right, this has been such a trial. I have pleaded with our pastor to help bring my family back together, but I know now he is set against it. A few nights after I had moved back home, the church had a youth dinner at my home.

This has been such a battle. Please continue to pray.<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

#340598 12/31/01 02:34 AM
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Thank you Lupolady,<p>It was only God&#8217;s mercy that turned my head. He has such mercy. <p>I can not seem to get her away from her support system. That is one of the reasons that I returned home against her will. They all want me to stay away and give her more time. At first, I tried to stay away and give her time to heal, but it seemed we were only getting further apart. <p>I have not yet read, SAA. I have read Torn Asunder. She has not yet read any of the books or attended any counseling outside of talking to our pastor, family and friends. <p>I have been doing the plan A. Please pray that I will not get upset when she does not respond to any of the things that I try to do for her. I would like to take her out for dinner, but she will not go. Tomorrow, New Years Eve, is our 26th anniversary. I asked her out, but she refuses to go.

#340599 12/31/01 02:54 AM
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Dear Alcoholic's Wife,
Thank you for your encouragement. I really like, "There is no marriage God cannot heal. There is no person God cannot change." I have no one else to turn to, but our Lord. Thank you for your prayers. I can not thank all of you enough. Know how much you all care helps to keep me from giving up. God Bless you.<p>Dear Myownme,
Thanks for checking on me. New Years Eve, tomorrow will be our 26th anniversary. I thought of you the other day and pleaded with God to turn your situation around. I will pray extra for you in the next few days. Please let us know how you are doing.<p>Thanks for your prayers Snowcat,
I will stay loyal to her and try to show her love in every way that she will permit. I like what you said about giving her time. I am willing to do that, but I am afraid that she now sees my return home, against her wishes, as the excuse she needs to file. Unfortunately, her support system seems to agree with her that I should not have returned home, but stayed away. I trusted God in making that decision, but things have been so hard that I have questioned my decision and wondered if I should have stayed away longer.<p>God bless you all. I will hug you all when we get to heaven.

#340600 12/31/01 08:48 AM
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Dear Rick,
I read your pastor's letter and your letter. I was crying as I saw and felt the repentence in your letter. I'm so very sorry that your pastor is not speaking to you and your wife as GOD wants him to. He's not being a man of God in this instance, but a man of the flesh. I will pray that the Lord opens HIS heart and guides him in his ways. Everything you said to him was true; God DOES want your marriage. You've sinned, your W has sinned and so is the pastor, by not helping to KEEP a marriage together, instead trying to help Satan tear it apart.<p>Please ask God for the patience, strength and guidance to be whatever your W needs you to be to get her and you through this.<p>I'm praying for you. God will prevail in this situation. He can turn the pastor's heart as well as your W's. You just need to trust him.<p>Take care and God Bless You! <p>KARI

#340601 12/31/01 12:49 PM
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Myownme,
Thank you again for your guidance and prayers. Today is our anniversary. I asked her out again, but she said she can not do that and just left the house to go shopping. She said that she can not be in the same house with me and that I haven&#8217;t changed. At this time, she is not able to see anything good in what I do. It is so hard, today. I was hoping that we could set aside our problems for awhile and just enjoy each other&#8217;s company. I am trying to understand what she needs, but all she says is I didn&#8217;t want you to force your way back home and she continually reminds me of what I did, (the affair.) I pray that God will allow me to not become angry, ( I did this morning when she would not go out on our anniversary, she told me that I have not changed and everyone thinks I am wrong not listen to her.) What pushed me over the edge is when she said, don't start with the emotional stuff, ( get choked up easly at this time.) <p>I do think that she needs to vent and I am thankful when she does at least talk about something. The biggest reason I left for the OW was that my wife just simply refuses to talk with me about anything. She knows how much that hurts me, but she likes to avoid problems of any sort. It is so hard because she does really love the Lord, but I think she has been misled. The only thing holding he back, (I think) from the filing is, she does not believe the Lord has given her clear direction to do so. She thought that she had his direction at the end of October when my sons talked her out of filing. At that time she told me that if I made our sons aware that she was about to file, she would cut off all of my communications with her and the boys. She had been advised not to tell them anything until the proceedings were underway. I did try to comply with her request, but it just came out when I phoned my oldest son. He then called her and asked that she not file. I know if she files this time, no one will know anything until after it is done. <p>Everyone is telling her how brave she is to stand against me and that God will meet all of her needs and God will help her start a new life. These are the same people that I loved and trusted. I can not blame them. It is just that Satan has deceived them. Our/her pastor is a product of divorce and it could be that he has some unresolved issues from his childhood. I thank God that he has given me the discernment to understand the spiritual warfare that is going on. I think him that he has given me loving brothers and sisters to help me to stand in this battle. I know that she talks with the pastor or his wife at least daily. Please continue to pray. How could I ever thank you all enough?

#340602 01/01/02 01:19 AM
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I also feel your hurt. When my husband left and moved in with the OW (2 months ago)it took me time to realize that the problem was too great for me to handle by myself. I have asked for God's help daily. Lately, I have read two very good books that I would suggest you read. The author is Stormie Omartian- "Just Enough LIGHT for the Step I'm On" and also "The Power of a Praying Wife". The ideas suggested are things that are helping me to cope.
At this time my WS is telling me that he has no love in his heart for me. I am asking God to melt and softer the iceburg in his heart and turn the melted part into LOVE for me, his wife. In talking with him I can sometimes hear the pain he is also going through. I am also trying to change with God's help to become the kind of wife that my H needs, wants and desires. Please pray for us as we struggle with this trial from God. I know that God has put this test in our lives to draw us closer to Him. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

#340603 12/31/01 02:42 PM
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Richard, I'm so sorry that it's your anniversary and your wife is currently in too much pain to share it with you. I would give ANYTHING to have my H love me the way that you seem to now love your wife. I will pray that she can see it. Can you, do you think, talk her into see a counselor with you? Maybe even if you could get her to agree to two or three sessions. I think you really need an outside party (not the pastor or his wife) to talk through things with. What about Surviving an Affair? Do you think you could get her to read it? It's so helpful for both sides. I'm praying for you. Remember, no matter who else is against you, if God is for you, what can any mortal man do?<p>Take care,<p>Kari

#340604 12/31/01 03:53 PM
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I have prayed for you. God will do it - I firmly believe that God "hates divorce" and will honor your heart of repentance. Keep praying and believing and I will too for your wife's heart to be softened to you and that she will listen ONLY to God's voice and make good choices even though she has been deeply wounded.<p>"God will restore what the locusts have eaten."

#340605 12/31/01 06:29 PM
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by 4me&my5:
<strong>"God will restore what the locusts have eaten."</strong><hr></blockquote><p>AMEN!!!<p>Believe, Richard, only believe.<p>Ask God to open her eyes. He alone, can do it. There is NO WAY God will allow your W to div. you when you are trying to reconcile! The pastor AND HIS WIFE are telling her these things?!?!?!?! Something is wrong. There's something here we're all missing.....can you think of what it can be?<p>Spend some time in fasting and prayer....even if it means doing it in front of her. <p>God is on your side. We are all praying with you, too.<p>Thank you, Father, for bringing this penetent sinner back to his covenant W. Lord, we pray for mercy for Richard and his W and for someone - ANYONE - to come into their lives who can turn things around, and help him help his W see your truth! We know this is Your Perfect Will, Lord. We Thank You and Praise You for answering our prayers. AMen<p>Lupo

#340606 12/31/01 08:46 PM
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Thank you all so much. My wife just left for the evening service at church. My sons are also away for the night and I am alone. I miss her and it is very lonely to know that she has chosen not to be with me on the evening of our anniversary.<p>I will hold on to the hope that all of you have given me in your responses. Everyday, I hope, this will be the day, this will be the moment her heart changes. So much I appreciate your prayers and I will for each of you and that God will bring your family back together. <p>Can anyone suggest what my wife&#8217;s EN's might be? The only communication that she will give to me is, leave me alone. I am trying to give her space. I have given her flowers and cards, but she does not want them. I have also done some domestic chores, but that just makes her more angry.<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

#340607 01/07/02 12:38 AM
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Thanks to everyone for you&#8217;re prayers.
I wanted to let everyone know that my wife has not yet filed, (that I am aware of.) However, my youngest son was still home from school this week. So, praise the Lord, but please keep me in your prayers. <p>It is so hard to keep going on and not give up. Sometimes I wonder where God is in all this. I feel forsaken, but Jesus felt this way too when he was on the cross. I know he is faithful. I do trust in him.<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

#340608 01/07/02 06:17 AM
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by RichardK:
<strong>Can anyone tell me what her emotional needs might be at this time?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Richard,
I'm so sorry things haven't improved, yet, but don't get discouraged! This is one of Satan's tools to defeat us.<p>I believe your W is still very angry with you for your A. Begin praying that God would convict her of her anger and place forgiveness in her heart instead. I would also agree with her when she says things like, "I'm angry with you. I don't want to see you or talk to you." You could say, "You're right, I'm sorry. I don't want to disturb you." Acknowledge her anger, and her distance. Do not fight against it, that just makes her fight harder against YOU. <p>As far as her EN's, it's obvious cards and letters are not working! But you have been M a long time! You should know what these are by now! I know it's better if they will tell you, but since that isn't happening, you will have to figure it out yourself. I had to do this, since my WH is out of the house, and won't talk to me at all, and certainly wouldn't have answered this questionnaire so that I could be a better wife! He has found "someone else" who is supposed to take my place, I guess. So what I did was take the questionnaire AS IF I were my H. I thought about his likes, dislikes, etc. and then answered it based on what I know about him from our 22 years together. I believe I've hit on the majority of his top EN's. 'Course, with a man, it's a whole lot easier b/c I know what his NUMBER ONE EN is!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Richard, this comment concerns me: "I can not believe that a pastor would come against my family in this way. His actions allow my wife to remain angry and unforgiving." There is really something very wrong here. If he and his W are really born-again Christians, following God's Word, then there IS NO WAY they should be continuing to assist in breaking up a M. Reconciliation is always God's way. I just don't mean M, but in EVERY relationship. Is there some governing board above him that you could appeal to? Could you show them this e-mail he sent your W encouraging her to continue to push you away? I hate to get radical, BUT there is NO WAY this man is following Bible prinicples. <p>This morning, the sermon I listened to on the TV quoted this scripture, "Matt. 24:12" which speaks about "Love growing cold..." but it's talking NOT about "the world" but of believers! This is happening in churches all over the world. I believe we are in "The End Times" (I know, every generation has believed that!), but if so, then it's so important for Christians to NOT let go of their faith. Pray this for your pastor and his W, as well as your own W.<p>I hope you know many of us here are praying with and FOR you in your stand for your M. In a way, I guess it gives us hope that our own Prodigals will one day come home!<p>God Bless,

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