Ok, so if you weren't scared off before, then maybe you can help me.

Everytime I turn on the radio, (and I listen to Christian Radio almost exclusively) I keep hearing how God wants two parent families, how marriage is a man and a woman, how it's best for kids to have a father in the home, unless there is abuse, etc.

Ok, if this is so great, then why can't I see God fixing me or my marriage?

I keep hearing those messages and say OK God, if this is the best way, and you want the best for me, then help me out here, why are we on the road to divorce.

Yes, I know I can only change and work on myself, but darn it, I'm not the one who wants a divorce. I feel like I'm under attack. I know in my head that God is with me, that everything works out for His will.

It's in my heart that I don't feel it. I don't have that peace.

At times, this who affair, (pardon the pun) has me doubting that God even cares, or perhaps even exists.

If marriage is supposed to be a model for God's relationship with mankind, and God desires reconciliation with mankind, therefore he desires reconciliation in marriage, then why don't I see any progress in the reconciliation of our marriage?

My birthday is tomorrow, and I keep hearing the message, "wait, that something will happen on my birthday, that my marriage will be saved"

Is this really the voice of God, or is it just wishful thinking on my part.

I think it would devastate me right now and my fragile faith in God if my marriage does end in divorce. I have to be honest with you here. Sometimes I have great peace, and other times, I'm just so frustrated by the whole issue.

I keep reading how God saves so many, in the Psalms how David was rescued time and time again, how he cried out to God, and God heard him and answered his prayers. Stories of how God has taken broken people to do His perfect will.

I don't know what else to say right now. So I ask you folks to keep praying and I ask the Holy Spirit to act in accordance with Romans 8:26

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, looking at the whole scripture, or at least the context:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that[9] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, let's just say I'm having trouble with this kind of faith right now.

Tony

<small>[ June 28, 2004, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: javaSansContour ]</small>

Java,

Where is your wife at spiritually?

Gods main agenda is to reconcile her to himself .She might have to come to the end of herself first. From there she will come back to the marriage.

And trust me , God is working on this. He is real, he cares, and he knows what to do.

He also knows how you feel . The entire OT is God pleading with Israel to come to him, like a wayward wife.( See Hosea)

They rebelled thinking their needs were not being met, just like we do. Just like our spouses do.

But he has made a way to draw us back by his love, and it is irresistable.


It is so hard to wait. I am waiting for the same thing . I want to be married, but ultimately I want even more for him to experience the peace that comes of walking in love and obedience to Gods way.

God knows their ways, and what it will take to heal them. It may be that your unconditional love and patience will be what draws her to the light. Let her see Light in you, Java.


I now it hurts, but you can do this. Christ showed us how when he went to the cross. You are sharing in his suffering, by choice, as he did for us. You could give up on her, but he didn't give up on us and God is not giving up on her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Everytime I turn on the radio, (and I listen to Christian Radio almost exclusively) I keep hearing how God wants two parent families, how marriage is a man and a woman, how it's best for kids to have a father in the home, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, This is what He desires.
My own personal "take" on this is that God is "reminding" YOU to keep your eyes on the prize.....on the model of His "perfect" family that you are fighting for.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> if this is so great, then why can't I see God fixing me or my marriage?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know. Have you looked?
Have you tried changing your prayer from "Please, God FIX my M...."
to something like: "THANK YOU, LORD, for repairing our M.....I KNOW You are doing this even right this minute."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK God, if this is the best way, and you want the best for me, why are we on the road to divorce.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tony,
Listen. I said the same things!!! God finally talked to me and told me the "old" M was NO GOOD. He said He would allow the div. b/c He wanted to create a whole new M.

He basically let me know that He was going to rebuild a NEW M, and do a work in both of us. Not just repair the "old" one.....that one was "Irreparably broken" (divorce paper terminology, but accurate).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know I can only change and work on myself, but darn it, I'm not the one who wants a divorce. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup, you're right!! YOU CAN ONLY WORK ON YOURSELF, and when you're "ready" - God will begin working on your WW.
I know. I am seeing it happen to ME!!

I would often think, "I'm ready now, Lord. BRING HIM HOME!!!"
Truth was: I wasn't ready yet!! I thought I was, but I was very mistaken. It was when I had finally "given up" on trying to convince God I was "ready" and just concentrated all my energy on His Work that He finally started working on my H!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel like I'm under attack. I know in my head that God is with me, that everything works out for His will.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NO DOUBT you are under attack! Satan doesn't like powerful, praying, growing, purposeful, trusting Christians! He wants us weak, afraid, unenthusiastic, with little faith.

So he attacks us in our thoughts, in circumstances, and tells us that GOD WILL NEVER WORK FOR US.
The truth is God has already answered our heart's desire!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's in my heart that I don't feel it. I don't have that peace.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">PRAY till you get that. THINK NOTHING ELSE, DO NOTHING ELSE till you have PEACE from God.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If marriage is supposed to be a model for God's relationship with mankind, and God desires reconciliation with mankind, therefore he desires reconciliation in marriage, then why don't I see any progress in the reconciliation of our marriage?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, I asked almost the exact same question a couple of years ago.............Here is God's answer to me:
"I can even reconcile a M that has gone through Div. and get the Glory from that. Just trust me that I am in control of all this......"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My birthday is tomorrow, and I keep hearing the message, "wait, that something will happen on my birthday, that my marriage will be saved"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Happy birthday, BTW! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
My b'd is in 2 weeks...............
I spent THREE b'd's w/OUT H.
This b/day, he WILL be with me, and we will be out for dinner together!!! And it will be a special time.

If God is saying your M WILL BE SAVED, then that's the END of it!! Will it happen tomorrow? On your b/d? I would highly doubt it. On your b/d SOMEday? Possibly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this really the voice of God, or is it just wishful thinking on my part.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think it would devastate me right now and my fragile faith in God if my marriage does end in divorce. I have to be honest with you here. Sometimes I have great peace, and other times, I'm just so frustrated by the whole issue.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup. I had ALL these same thoughts during the process.............
Please, Tony, Please. KEEP TRUSTING, and PRAISING. It's the ONLY place to find the Peace you are looking for, the Peace that brings the Faith you need.

God would NOT do anything to "devastate" you. He LOVES you, and He wants to do a miraculous, wonderful, amazing thing in your life/in your M. Please believe that. I DO!
I am seeing it! I BELIEVE God desires to do the same for everyone who comes to Him believing......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I keep reading how God saves so many, in the Psalms how David was rescued time and time again, how he cried out to God, and God heard him and answered his prayers. Stories of how God has taken broken people to do His perfect will.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup. Went through this, too! I thought I was "broken enough." Nope. Obviously, not yet, I wasn't!! I didn't think I would "get" what others were being blessed with, cause it hadn't happened for me yet........Till I heard Joyce Meyer discussing this one day during her message.....she was talking about someone who was being blessed in a way Joyce wanted. But nothing was happening in HER life. Joyce cried out to the Lord. He answered her and showed her it was like waiting in the bank, in line. Now, you are at the bank to get $$$ out, right? OTHER PEOPLE are getting $$$ but you're not...........What to do? Do you get jealous? Do you believe they are getting it, but that means you won't? NO!!! You KNOW there will be $$$ from the teller once you get to that window. So you've got to believe YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT LINE!!!
THAT's what you tell yourself. "I'm in the right line, and my turn is coming!"
PTL!!!

Tony, God is in control. He wants to give you the desires of your heart. He wants to bless your family. He wants to see you in love, happy, blessed, and full of praise for Him. He does!

Simply go back to trusting, believing, reading and seeing that He is Able, and praising Him for what He has already sent to you, and is on its way to you!

PTL!!!

God Bless,

I know how you feel!

I posted a few days ago, you can read it at " we're on our way up", H had said he loved us before he went to work and even asked for a kiss good-bye the other morning. We had purchased a new boat and was going camping for the first time that evening.We were so happy that weekend, I thanked God so much!!!

There has been nothing since!

So I finally got the courage this morning before I left, I just laid down beside him and asked why it seemed he liked me sometimes and other times not. He said it had nothing to do with me, something about fighting himself. This is my life, I am in constsant prayer and I feel like God is telling me it will work, but then I question if these are wishful thoughts also.

This is my life, our family has been in turmoil for almost a year and I have been pulled under so many times that everytime I feel like I can breathe, the life gets sucked out of me again.

I have done nothing but thank God for everything, I have faith in him, but there are days, I feel like nothing but the worst is going to happen for me, that I will live the rest of my life dealing with this. Don't get me wrong, I will stand forever for my marriage, but I don't think I will ever feel safe. I feel like I will always have the feeling of my H feeling like he can always change his mind. This has hapened almost 5 times since Oct.


I pray for my husband, I lay there and watch him sleep. and I pray to God that one day I will be able to hold him and touch him. I want to be his wife again.

I pray that your faith comes back and God answers your questions. I think I dropped my guard too soon. I will resume my fasting this week again and continue praying. I know good things will come our way. (I hope that is not my wishful thinking again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Tony,

Oh, my heart breaks for you and I totally understand where you are coming from. I have questioned God so many times in my life...when my dad was sexually molesting me, and most recently when d-day arrived with my husband's paternity suit. I questioned God when I found out there was a child born of the affair. I questioned God when I knew how much child support would cost our family and when I realized our own children would suffer due to hisi sin. I questioned God when I discovered my husband is a sex addict...I questioned God with each discovery of more escorts, more women, more porn, etc.

I am at a place now where I realize I cannot control God or my husband. I was at one point almost trying to make 'deals' with God to save my husband and smack him up side his head with a Godly 2x4. I realized one day in prayer that I was trying to negotiate with God....wow.

Tony, I love listening to Forever Hers when he talks about how the marriage is supposed to be a threesome with God. Each person lines up with God and then God can do a tremendous work in the marriage and the lives of the couple. I don't know where your wife is at spiritually....

My husband is unsaved...not interested in God, not interested in God's forgiveness...just has turned a deaf ear towards God. My prayer for now is that God not give up on him. I ask God daily to do whatever his will is with him and I realize now that my husband may end up in hell because he refuses to accept the Lord. And, Jesus died for his salvation too, he just won't accept it. I pray that's not going to happen but I have no control over it.

I don't remember which verse it is in the bible but where Jesus asks the person...'do you want to be healed' and the person says yes...that's when Jesus can fix us. He can only work on us when He has our permission.

I encourage you to talk to God more when you feel that your faith is weakening. God understands.

Big hugs to you....I truly understand.

Angelia

Thanks for all of the thoughtful answers. I'm still struggling with all of this.

I don't want to struggle. Oh, I'm willing to do the work God gives me to do.

Where is my wife spiritually? Well I do believe she is saved and believes "in God" I have a hard time with the notion that she is trying to find and follow God right now. She says that God tells her it is ok to divorce, that it was a mistake to marry, we forced the hand of God when we married.

So I do believe she believes "in God"

Yes, I've read the story of Hosea and Gomer, over and over again. I've read many of the major prophets Isaiah, Jerimiah. Lamentations has been a favorite read of mine as well as the book of Joshua. I'm sure there are others, but you get the idea.

My light, I just wonder if I keep putting out my light. I still struggle with being angry over this whole scenario.

Have I looked? I'm looking everyday. I ask God to make it clear since I seem to be blind and deaf to Him right now.

I don't want to make deals with God, I accepted His "deal" His gift of Salvation.

I simply ask God to use me, to fix my heart, my eyes and ears so that I can better participate in the relationship with Him that He wants.

I'm so tired of disappointing God, and I often don't feel I have the strength to please Him. So while I'm disappointed with God, I'm even more disappointed with myself, because up to this point, I've failed in the two most important relationships in my life.

I don't want to fail any more.

Tony

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She says that God tells her it is ok to divorce, that it was a mistake to marry, we forced the hand of God when we married.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is deceived . The word says clearly that God hates divorce. But this is something you can specifically pray about, that she will hear and understand the truth.


Java, you sound so discouraged. One of the tactics the enemy uses is to discourage us. I have noticed that discouragement often comes at its worst just before a breakthrough of evidence of Gods work.

You are disappointed, your pride is hurt a little, yes? But you have learned things about yourself in this process.

I am feeling the same way, keep thinkng that I have been waiting for 18 years...but sometimes I get a glimpse of the big picture and see how God is working out his will.

Happy Birthday Java.

Look forward to what God is going to do in your life and marriage this year. Expect good things.

Just for today , speak positive things concerning your marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She says that God tells her it is ok to divorce, that it was a mistake to marry, we forced the hand of God when we married.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is deceived . The word says clearly that God hates divorce. But this is something you can specifically pray about, that she will hear and understand the truth.


Java, you sound so discouraged. One of the tactics the enemy uses is to discourage us. I have noticed that discouragement often comes at its worst just before a breakthrough of evidence of Gods work.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I work in Missouri, and Missouri is the "show me" state. I understand that I'm a little grumpy, hurt, disappointed, etc. But let me continue. I'm not trying to justify how I feel, but build a parallel analogy.

We read many times here that our spouses don't want to hear promises of change, they want to see them.

Well, to be truthful (radically honest with God in MB parlance) I'm weary of reading all of God's promises, I want to experience them.

So, if it's just that I can't see it, then I ask the Lord to give me the eyes to see it, to see HIM at work.

If I'm in the way, then send me a message that I understand.

I don't want to fail at either my relationship with God or my marriage. However, I'm not sure I know how to succeed, and often I don't feel, hear, understand or know exactly how the Holy Spirit is working in my life.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong> You are disappointed, your pride is hurt a little, yes? But you have learned things about yourself in this process.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I've learned a bit, but not nearly enough. I'm not satisfied with my progress.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong>

I am feeling the same way, keep thinkng that I have been waiting for 18 years...but sometimes I get a glimpse of the big picture and see how God is working out his will.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't really feel I have a glimpse of anything right now. Not even God.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong>

Happy Birthday Java.

Look forward to what God is going to do in your life and marriage this year. Expect good things.

Just for today , speak positive things concerning your marriage. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really am trying, it's like the father of the possessed boy said, Lord, I believe, help me with my unbelief. It's like Thomas, I want to see the nail scars.

Tony

<small>[ June 29, 2004, 09:18 AM: Message edited by: javaSansContour ]</small>

I see it really is pitch dark for you right now.

Java, hang on . Don't look at the waves.

I have asked God to show you the nail scar today; a sign to give you hope. Watch for it.

He has done this for me in the past.

I will be praying for you throughout the day.

Shul

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong> I see it really is pitch dark for you right now.

Java, hang on . Don't look at the waves.

I have asked God to show you the nail scar today; a sign to give you hope. Watch for it.

He has done this for me in the past.

I will be praying for you throughout the day.

Shul </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm watching. I wanna see, I wanna believe.

I just feel so weak right now.


Tony

Mark 9:23--"Jesus said unto him, 'If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.'"

Romans 14:22--"Hast thou faith? Have it to thyself before God...
23--And he that doubteth is damed if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin."

I Cor. 13:2--"And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all myseteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not LOVE, I am nothing."

II Cor. 5:7--"for we walk by faith, not by sight"

Eph. 6:13--"Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, TO STAND."
16--"Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked."

Heb. 11:1--"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
3--"Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear."
6--"But without faith IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to please Him, for he that cometh to God must believe tht He is and that He is a rewarder of then that diligently seek him."

James 1:5--"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering; for he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."

James 2:17--"Even so Faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone."
22--"Seest though how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect?"

You can not say you have faith and refuse to step off the edge of the building--or need proof there is a net. True faith also requires the "work" of stepping off the building when you have no confirmation that you will be caught.

VICTORIOUS FAITH:
Abraham--left his home...moved to God knows where...believed God would send him a son...and willing sacrificed his son.
Caleb--Only Joshua and Caleb believed the Lord would deliver the Land to the Israelite, and Joshua and Caleb were the only ones of their generation to live to go into the Land!
Jonathan--Saul's son, David's best friend, believed God would be with David, and fought for him when God said fight.
David--Goliath. Need I say more?
Job--Job lost everything and then listened to the unwise council of his friends, but in chapter 19 (out of 42 chapters) he tells them that HE KNOWS that his redeemer lives! Job was hundreds and possibly THOUSANDS of years before the redeemer came, and yet he lived KNOWING that he had a redeemer AND that the redeemer would come!!
Daniel and the 3 Hebrews--Walked into the lions' den knowing that God created lions. Walked into the fiery furnace knowing that God created fire.
Paul

SPECIAL PROMISES TO THOSE WHO EXERCISE FAITH:
Answer to prayer--Matt. 21:22
Sonship--John 1:12
Power--John 14:12; Rom. 10:11; Col. 1:23
Soul Rest--Heb. 4:3
Spiritual Inheritance--James 2:5
Spiritual Foundation--I Peter 2:6
Spiritual Assurance--I John 5:14

FAITH IS TESTED!!

OBSTACLES THAT TEST FAITH:
Lack of sympathy from the Church
Discouraging circumstances
Unbelieving friends
Scoffers
Divine Delays--not a hindrance, but a test!

FAITH CAN BE TESTED IN THESE WAYS:
By a strange plan of compaign--Joshua was asked to march around the walls of Jericho, not fight them. Weird.
By reducing a general's army--Gideon had an army of 22,000 assembled and God told him it was too many--and God used 300 to win that war.
By requiring dependence upon a poor widow--Elijah told King Ahab, there will not be water or rain in this land; and God told Elijah to go to a certain city and a widow would provide for him. By demanding the last morsel of bread--All the widow had was a handful of cornmeal and a little oil, and she was going to make a cake from that and die, but Elijah told her to give it to him and she did, and God caused the meal to never run out and the oil to never fail.
By requiring what appears to be useless work--King Jehoram's army was pursing Elisha and getting thirsty...there was no water. In the middle of running away from his enemy, God told Elisha to stop in a certain spot and dig it full of ditches. WHAT?? The enemy will catch him! But he did as God told him to do, and God filled his ditches with water for Elisha.
By requiring extensive preparation with no blessing in sight--A widow lady came to Elisha and said, "My husband is dead and you know him--he was a good man. Now the creditors want to take my two sons away to pay his debts!" and Elisha told her to go and borrow as many pots as she could. What?? That makes no sense. Why lug all those pots and have to borrow from the neighbors and be embarrassed?? Well, she did as she was told, and then Elisha told her to pour what oil she had into the pots, and she kept pouring and pouring and pouring--finally she said, "Bring me another pot!" and her sons said there weren't anymore! Then Elisha told her to sell her oil, pay off her debts, and live off the rest.

Ps 37:3--"Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land and verily thou shalt be fed."
5--"Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."

Prov. 3:5--"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6--"In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path."

Is. 26:3--"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee; becasue he trusteth in thee."

Come on, Tony.


CJ

CJ,

I've not had the chance to do my "homework" as I'm still at the AFB working on this system. I can check MB, but cannot get to my e-mail right now.

Actually, I hope you don't mind if I "ignore" for a while your message, only because you've done my assignment.

So let me look into it before I read the above message in detail.

However, one thing I'd like to say is that there still seems to be in me a disconnect between what I know in my head and what I feel in my heart and soul.

Tony

Faithful,


I don't know about Java, but I sure needed to hear that!

Java,
Honestly I am going through the same thing as you.


Actually I may have gone a bit farther.

I don't want to say exactly what is going through my head in case it gives anyone ideas, but I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself and thinking (ok,planning) how I could comfortably get my needs met in another way, by someone else.

I have been alone for most of the past 18 years- there has been abuse, neglect, abandonment- you name it. People who have known me for years can't understand why I am not in the looney bin. they can't understand why I still love him. They think I'm nuts.

But the other day someone was talking about me and they described me as being the most serene person they have ever met.

If thats true it is because I am letting my faith in God direct my feelings; not the other way around.

(Except for today...and, um, yesterday..)

But you know what? Even the pain of having to admit my lack of trust,( and the thoughts I have been entertaining ) God used this to show me something.

I was very angry at my husband this day when I found out he drove out here and didn't stop in to see us. And I was steamed. Ready to throw in the towel.I was telling God what I thought of my husband.

When it occured to me (like a 2x4) that
this was about 5 minutes after I just finished asking God to forgive me for my sins...

Mote, meet log, as they say.

( Also I haven't experienced an attack like this in a long time, so I know the enemy is getting desperate.)

I yelled at the enemy, " I Forgive my husband!!!"

(Our weapons are not carnal).

Still praying for you Java.

Shul

I'm going to bed...

I did take myself out to dinner tonight, ate alone. Yeah, I'm having a pitty party.

I was called today by CJ and my Pastor. That's it. YD didn't call. Mom didn't call. Grandma didn't call. Sister didn't call.

So is that the message? Is that what is going to happen today? The something big that I would see, that it would be obvious?

I know, there is still 74 minutes left of today here.

I guess I need spiritual glasses or a hearing aid, because I could have sworn God told me something good was going to happen that would be obvious that I could see.

The problem is not with God, the problem is with me, and I don't know how to fix it, and asking God to fix it when I can't see, hear or feel him has proven fruitless.

Thanks for all of you who are supporting me. I wish I had better news, for your sake and for the sake of my family.

Tony
Not giving up, still struggling.

I just wanted to tell you Happy Birthday. I know what it feels like to be forgoten on your birthday.

Lunadove

I don't know what possessed me to log on today and take a look at how my friends are doing, but I caught this thread & just had to chime in!

I feel for you Tony. I can hear your anguish. I can feel your pain. I know the feeling of questioning everything you've ever been taught or read or felt at one time about God. I have, on more than one occasion, questioned what God wanted from me, from my marriage, you name it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where is my wife spiritually? Well I do believe she is saved and believes "in God" I have a hard time with the notion that she is trying to find and follow God right now. She says that God tells her it is ok to divorce, that it was a mistake to marry, we forced the hand of God when we married. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do you feel about this? Do YOU feel it was a mistake to marry? Do YOU feel, or let me rather say, BELIEVE that God brought you two together? My H would often tell me that we married too young, that he didn't have a chance to "live". That God was "leading" him out of our home to a life w/someone else. So what did he do on his own? He "lived" like he thought he should have then. Did it get him anywhere? NO. Did he "find" anything in this person that he didn't have with me? NO. As a matter of fact, he discovered that the grass ain't always greener "on the other side".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So, if it's just that I can't see it, then I ask the Lord to give me the eyes to see it, to see HIM at work.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Try this. Make a list of EVERYTHING you want to pray for, pray for it, then sit back & watch Him work. Not just your M, ANYTHING. I made a list, still add to it, of prayers I have asked Him to answer. When I see an answer to that prayer, whether it be no, yes, or wait, I check it off. That continually shows me that He indeed is working in my life & all around me. Maybe this will help you see him working in every area of your life & you'll be more ready to believe that He is working on your M, just in a way that you can't see right now. What this tells me, personally, is that He is working very, very hard BECAUSE of the fact that you can't see it. His greatest work is done "behind closed doors". When my H came home, it wasn't until NOW, 8 months later, that it was revealed to me how the Lord was working on my H. I saw the effects of my changes right away, my H didn't see them until he spent more time w/me, but he was very, very stubborn in taking a good look at me & believing that the Lord indeed changed me for the better & that the changes were permanent.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I did take myself out to dinner tonight, ate alone . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One thing I'd like to note, Tony, you were definitely not alone and you weren't forgotten. You broke bread w/Jesus. He shared his meal w/you. If you try to think of meals this way, you can actually celebrate your mealtime maybe? Just a suggestion. You also had the love & support of your new friends getting you through the day.

Maybe it would help you if you made a list of things to be thankful for at keep it very visible. I mean VERY visible. I have one list by my computer at work & it helps keep me focused on the things I should be THANKING Him for, instead of asking. I also have a picture of someone laughing hysterically, rolling on the floor w/laughter, and at the bottom of the pic it says, "God can't do what?" That really touched me when I first came on MB, and I never have forgotten it. He can do ANYTHING & as long as I BELIEVE it's possible, it will be. No what ifs. No buts. He WILL do it. It's just so much in between that scares us.

It's okay for you to be angry, Tony. We all get angry. Just try not to sin in that anger, okay? Tell God that you're angry & to calm you. Tell Him you're scared & let Him comfort you. If you have to, curl up in a ball & let your emotions come pouring out. Then lay still. He will calm you down, & you WILL be able to feel His presence in the room. You might even feel Him touch you. I know this happened to me.

I have to get back to work now, but I just wanted you to know that I've been thinking about you, all of you, and when I saw this thread, and how scared you are, I had to chime in w/something. Hope I've helped a little bit.

Love, Y

think on WWJD in your given the obstacles you are encountering and the feelings you are wrestling with. of course he wouldn't be married but you get the idea.

Proverbs 3: 5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all the ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths."

prayers to you, RR

Thanks to everyone here, and especially to God for the return of some peace in my heart and mind.

Tony