Dear Duped,
Welcome to Mariage Builders.
My search shows this is your one and only post.
Apparently you have recovered from the surprise of learing about a long term second wife, really, rather than a typical afair.
What were the negative impacts of the second marriage on your marriage?
Now that you know, what changes do you wish to make? How do you intend to go about making the desired changes?
Have there been any postive benefits to you or your family from the second wife?
Winston Churchill's mother had a number of affairs, or relatively steady secondary companions. Randolph Churchill, Winston's father had Syphilis, and was ill for some time before dying. The steady companions of Wiston's mother actually were quite helpful to the young Churchill in his early endeavors. Is there any silver lining here?
Is there some humiliation involved for you? Do you have to encounter the other woman? Is there some arangement that you can undertake to establish with the other woman?
Pablo Picasso, acording to the movie, visited his steady mistress only on Thursdays, and so his wife, or maybe a steady live-in woman, knew of the Thursday arrangement, and simply accepted it.
Many posts in Marriage builders show the anguish of betrayal. There are a number of arrangements that occur throughout the world, that are different from the life-long pairing of a monogomous marriage.
I have spent some amount of energy being jealous, and following my wife around, like a male bird, making sure that I am the one to be there when she is in the mood. Has this expenditure of time been wise?
I have been watchful of my friends, and been on extra guard around some associates. Would I have been better to have taken the attitude of sharing? How would I go about setting boundaries for my zone of comfort, once I winked and my first associate?
Maybe you could share some working aspects of a long term mistress.
Hoping for healing,
Quipper
maried 28 years and still struggling
