Hi Ladies, as you know, when my husband left me the last time in Jan, I turned my back on my marriage, Biblically I thought. But I didn't behave biblically with my interest in another man. Part of the deception I bought was that my husband had left the marriage long ago with his affair and multiple separations and I was no longer married.<P>The contact with the OM has ended, but the temptation is there everyday to contact him. He figuratively held my hand from Oct-Jan., and then offered so much more after that. I know now it wasn't tied to reality, but it seemed it was, we talked about my kids, business, my H, his kids, business, ex-wife, ex-girlfriends (a little doubt about the ex before girlfriedns being appropriate) but I never wanted him to meet my kids, and turned down his offer of meeting his. That isn't reality. When I saw him, we weren't interrupted a dozen times by kids or the phone--he let it ring...also didn't answer his door.<P>Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that, because it just opens those paths in my mind. Those of us with Christian husbands have wondered how they could have their affairs. I don't wonder anymore. It's just step by step and pretty soon you are way off the path, even though the right thoughts are also going through your mind. It truly is becoming "double minded" and "unstable in all your ways"<P>I've been dead set against giving my husband another chance. But more than anything, I realize, God is never dead set against giving any of us another chance. Truly there must be a point where enough is enough...and maybe I was there, but with this other person in my life, I skewed the process.<P>Guard is willing to give me another chance. And I have told him I'm willing to work on the marriage and give him the chance he has prayed & Planned Aed so hard for. And part of me wants to call or write the OM to...what?...get his opinion? I don't even know, all I know is the Harley "no contact" letter might be an option, but that is the only one I could allow myself. I also know that last year when Guard sent his "no contact" letter, she contacted him immediately...and they stayed in contact, not continuously perhaps, but often enough.<P>I have stopped the divorce process, but Guard is moving into a home of his own. He'll be moving some of our furniture out this weekend. I cry when I see him pack, as I did each time he left me.<P>I'm getting more clarity of thought, but confusion hits pretty often. The thing about confusion is that it is hard to pray through because I'm so CONFUSED! <P>Taking my thoughts captive to Christ. <P>Lor

Welcome back to the land of the living and learning Lor. I have missed you. Sounds like you have been a keen student of late and hearing much from the Lord. <P>And you came back just in time since we are gettting ready to redo the book and add the study guide! And your insight is always a blessing! <P>Father, we thank you that Lor is back with us and that You are giving her a direction regarding her marriage. We thank you that though she is tempted, she does not give in to the temptation. We ask that you continually strengthen her and be her strength when she is weary. <P>Father, open the doors of love and let the floodgates of heaven pour over this marriage and heal it. Guide Guard and Lor each step of the way, according to Your Word that they may regain trust for one another. Blend their hearts and minds into Your likeness and deepen their love for one another as they journey to develop Your character in their lives. IJN, Amen.

Thank You, dear Heavenly Father, for guiding Lor in these tough decisions she has been facing. Praise unto You for all the work You have done in her life, as well as Guards. Lord, I pray that you will let Lor feel your presence mightily every day, and guide her every thought, word and deed. I pray that Your will is done in her marriage, her life, and her husband's life. Help her, Father to stay strong in her faith, and draw even closer to You. Help them, Lord, to always place You at the center of their marriage. Help Guard also in all decisions he makes, assuring that he is promted to seek You first in all things. Thank You Lord for opening the door to reconciliation for this couple. IJN I Pray, AMEN

Lor,<BR>I am recognizing you again. You have truly shown me how this kind of thing can happen and how it disorientates and skews.<P>Maybe somehow you had to experience this to be able to someday fully forgive Guard. I don't know.<P>Maybe instead of seeing this just as a mistake, you can see it as a test that ultimately you walked away from.<P>Glad to see some of the Lor back we have come to know.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

SueB, AW, FHL, thanks for being here.<P>I'm still afraid to trust Guard. Last night I called him, because I wanted to talk. He talked for awhile, but kept trying to cut me off because we end up in the same conversation "you did this" well, "you did that" and I...because...<P>He hung up on me and turned off his phone. All I can say, is that I did not use that as an excuse to contact the OM. But I want hope from Guard. He says he's given me all he can these past 3 months, and now, though he hasn't given up on the marriage, he's going to do what he wants. Other than these 3 months, isn't that what he's always done?<P>And, I could be mistaken, but since I am trying to come back to the marriage...guess who is drifting away? He says that's not fair of me to say. He gave me a chance to let him come home before renting his house...and he has the right to live in a "home". Which, I look around the home he had, with leaking faucets, broken kitchen flooring, needs paint terribly, trees that need broken branches removed. He neglected this house for years, now he's gung-ho to work on the new one? And I can't let that get to me. He "never" liked this house...<P>It's so hard to stay face down before the cross. I want to fight.

Lor, I think that if I were in your shoes, I would feel the urge to fight too. Does Guard give you a reason for why he tries to cut you off when you want to talk? My H does the same thing, tells me that he's already discussed it with me (he thinks "discussing it with me" is telling me he doesn't want to talk about the past) and to "get off his case". So, if I don't ask him anything, or try to talk to him about how I feel, then days or weeks later when I can no longer hold everything in and start to cry about it, he gets mad. <P>Do you think that maybe the perception you have that since you're trying to come back to the marriage and he appears to be drifting away is confusion brought on by direct attacks by Satan? Hw's prayer for protection from the enemy helps me a lot when I feel attacked. <P>What does Guard say he wants to do? Are you both still going to counseling? Lor, please know I am praying for you every day. Don't let the enemy get you down and kick you. <P>Love and prayers,<BR>AW

Lor,<BR>I am glad You have been brought out of the darkness and are beginning to see the light. I know this time is hard, but remember Jesus is walking with you and meeting You where you are. He will hold your hand and walk beside you each time to resist those strong urges and temptations. I pray through this separation that both of you can find your way back to each other. You are a beautiful woman of God and He wants to show you His plan and help you get there through Him. Just take it one day at a time.<P>Father, I lift Lor up to you. Thank You that she is seeing Your light. Lord, what a mighty God. Give Lor such a thirst to know You in a new light in such a way that is deeper then ever before. Help her walk in Your path and help her to draw nearer to Guard. Lord, pave the way to a closer walk with you between them. Let them read Your word and pray together. Lord, You are worthy of our praise. Lord, it is eveident all over this forum that You are here and in the lives of these marriages, healing, restoring, tering down where walls need to fall and rebuilding according to Your specifications. Lord, Thank You for Your ways are perfect and so much better than anything we could think of. Thank You for not always giving us our way no matter how loud we scream. Thank You for Your truth and faithfulness. Thank You for singing over us. Lord, In Jesus name we glorify You , Amen.

Oh Lor......<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I read you loud and clear, and think that not only do we share the same H's but are you sure we don't share the same house???<P>The familiarities between our situations are so great, I have been on the teeter-totter of 'your willing Im not/Im willing your not',for so long that somedays I just want to screem! And temptation... I am cooking for thousands of men in a shipyard who make great money and I get flirted with regularly.. Ugh, How can you not be flattered and even let your mind go to places where it shouldn't! I try to pray that the thoughts Satan plants will be recognised quickly so that I will dismiss them, but when your H is a sponge/taker and never has worked, hates this 'falling apart' house but does nothing and never has to make it better, I can tell you the foothold is there for me to fall... <P>But I see the trap as you do now, with eyes wide open the fight has real lines drawn and we can surely win a war where the enemys tactics have been exposed!<P>Lord Jesus, I just lift up my sister Lor to you and ask that her spiritual eyes are in focus 20/20 and that the enemy and his tactics are laid bare before her so she can gird herself up with your armor and fight the good fight and be victorious! Lord I ask right now that Lor and her H are taken out of the enemies territory, and that once again in the safety of your sanctuary they can begin to build the marriage that You wanted for them all along, and speed the recovery of the sickness and wounds from this war in both of them, bring ministering brothers into Lors H's life and fill Lors life with sisters who will just lift up and encourage her to good works. We love you Jesus and are waiting for this blessed miricle in Lors life.... In Jesus Name, Amen<P>I was thinking of the song "this warrior is a child" while I was typing.... Its so true that we have to run home when we fall down and get picked up again... Its ok that we can say "Daddy I can't Im too little" help me! I find much peace in that thought <P><P>------------------<BR>Jesus is the only answer!<BR>His blessings, Cozy

I find I'm just exhausted. I've been going to sleep the last few nights well before 10. I'm going to have to re-learn to get my strenght from the Lord. (oh how easily we forget!)<P>AW--Guard says he cuts me off when I get bitter and begin cutting him down. I usually think I'm trying to show him my pain and why it hurts. He takes it as an attack. I feel like when I try to do it gently, he doesn't get it. He says he wants me and the marriage, but he wants it for love, not for finances, for kids--which is what he thinks I'm after. I'm not. Well, a little for the kids, but he's said the same things, they deserve an intact family, but I want love and, if not happiness, contentment.<P>hw--thank you for your lovely prayer. My counselor said many times that God didn't want us to have the half-hearted marriage we had, he wants us to have it all, to be Jesus and the Church. It's hard to go from "I can't trust this man" to "This man has my trust" and when it comes right back at you "Lor, I can't trust you" it become a terrible circle.<P>Cozy--Maybe we could all just move in together? MB housing? Your post really has a lot in it. There was a point in my friendship with the OM that I knew it was taking a turn from flirtation to infatuation. But it coicided with a separation and I thought my marriage was becoming beyond hope...<P>I'm not proud or happy with what I've done. Unfortunately my experience won't keep anyone else from this, because I was alert as I allowed the lines to be crossed, I allowed myself the level of gullibility/blindness my actions required. <P>It's like stepping onto an airport walkway, moving toward the end becomes inevitable, you can get there quicker if you walk forward. You can impede your progress (and anger others) by walking backward, but to make sure you don't get to the end of the walkway...you've got to get off it. Which I think I have done...but as Guard says, what if the OM calls me? What if I have that moment of weakness and the OM takes my call?<P>I guess I just need to go to my Abba Father and say, "I hurt".