I would like to see the boundary thread stay intact, all together. <P>Also, I agree to go on to the different styles of conflict before going to the boundary resistant person.<P>A new thread that stays together to discuss a new book is good too. I think we miss a lot if we have separate threads on the same book - so if we can keep them together, as we have in the boundary thread, it will make it easier to find. <P>For anyone having trouble remember what page you were on the last time you checked the thread, and you can pick up from there. <P>I forget who was writing about the picture problem, but it is definitely related to boundaries... I have been guilty of enthusiastically volunteering my husband for favors for friends, and found that I have had egg on my face as a result, so I never do that anymore! Instead I'll tell my friend that I'm not sure what my husband has planned/or what fires he has going, so she needs to directly deal with him, so I don't start taking ownership of their relationship.<P>The boundary thread is helping me very much.... I've had some instances lately - where my children's problems have been brought up, and although I am very concerned about them, I have to remind myself that if I take ownership of their problems - I am robbing them of the experiences of life.<P>Everytime I start to feel concerned for them, I shoot up a prayer, and then I remind myself that there were choices involved that they had control of - and this is how they learn, and that it is "not my problem". It is helping me to not sit around and figure out how to solve it for them, and helping me to "let go" so to speak. I am doing the same thing with my husband, as well. <P>The other night he procrostinated on a lengthly task he needed to get done for work - and then the toolbar settings were changed in excel - and he started throwing a fit. I was very very uncomfortable, - heart racing, and my first inclination was to run over to the computer and push him out of the chair and figure out how to fix up his toolbar. Ahhh, I said to myself, wait a minute! This Isn't your problem, do not allow yourself to feel responsible for it. Empathize with his feelings, but leave it as his problem, because he can learn from this experience. Maybe he can even explain how to avoid losing the settings for his tool bar.... (I use a different program for spreadsheets, so I don't think that I changed any settings, but who knows!!!)<P>Anyway, all I really want to say is that this boundary thread is helping me to learn to make some changes in my life, to be committed to taking responsibility for my problems, and not take responsibility for others problems. It doesn't mean that I can't help people, or help my husband, but it is clearly a problem if it is upsetting me or upsetting him - and I think once we get a handle in this area, there will be less stress and discord in our lives.<P>So let's keep the boundary thread in the same area, it is very helpful, and I am open to new book discussions in a different thread.<P>TNT
