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Joined: Nov 1999
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Hi everyone,<p>I have not wanted to really post how I am doing because it is not well. But I really need your prayers in the worst way.<p>I came home tonight and there was a stranger in my house. I was not too worried becuase Tony's truck was in the driveway. I went in and he was not there and the person had left through the basement door. Then took off in Tony's truck. I called the police and they searched the house. I felt so bad for bothering my neighbor...he is a state trooper...and then three patrol cars came in a matter of two minutes. Nice to have police connections. Later Tony called and said it was him and his friends.<p>His friends are scarry to say the least. I have no idea how he ended up with them but they drink and do drugs. And I told Tony that they were not to be in the house anymore. I just do not aprove of that life style. He thinks he can help them. <p>He wanted them to come live with us. A compramise has been made. They will stay till Sunday and then they have to make other arangements. Mom made me promise to go to my neighbor and explain what is going on and promise to have him call her or Mom's best friend if anything happens to me. Tony is just not thinking.<p>I am tired. I got a job and then was fired for sending an email. Did not know that was against the rules. I was able to get a job with another company. Both are not in my field and both pay a third of what I was making. I need to get a second job but I have been so sick I work come home and sleep once the cats have been tended too. <p>I just can not do this anymore. He is driving me to my grave. I am affraid I will loose everything I worked for. I know it is just material items and I should not care...but I love my house and my cats. I just wanted a normal life. I never expected perfection or happiness all the time but I never wanted this. <p>Just pray that I have a ball of protection around me...and that God just shows me the way to do what is right and the strength to stand up for myself. I have lost all will. This has gone on too long.

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Oh Paha,<p>Yes, this has gone on for far too long.<p>I'm sorry that I can't be the prayer warrior you need right now -- I'm praying, don't get me wrong -- but I feel that God is far away from me. <p>I am certainly praying though and sending love and lots of HUGS {{{{{Paha}}}}}...<p>It sounds scary, what you're going through. Please take care... you are worth much more than Tony is showing right now.<p>Love, Sheryl

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HI Paha,
sending love and prayers your way.
I am not at all certain it is all you need my dear. I am having trouble understanding why tony would leave out the basement door when you come in? Then race away in his truck? Makes no sense Paha.....I am guessing it was one of his 'friends' and they were up to something less than honest?
Paha, it is your house. Plain and simple. I understand trying to help, but it seems to me that since you are not comfortable, then you should not be expected to put up with this.
POJA.
Listen to your gut.
I am glad you are working, and hope Tony is too.
Cuddle the kitties for me, aloha, cl
(((((paha))))

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{{{{{{{{paha}}}}}}}}}}<p>Paha, I worry about you so much. I know you're concerned about losing your home and about making ends meet. Congrats on finding some employment. It's a step in the right direction. I find it curious that Tony is interested in "helping." From what I recall of your situation, being helpful isn't the first thing that comes to mind when I picture him. YOU'RE the one having a time of need! Is he "there" for you? Is he working? Is he being supportive of you? Did he ask about these friends staying in YOUR house before or after they arrived? Why did they run out the back door when you got home? <p>I worry that your life spirit is draining away Paha. I've seen the same thing happen to me. Beleive it or not, it actually felt good today when I paid my fee to an attorney today to file bankruptcy. I hoped and prayed for a miracle to save me from this fate. I stopped waiting. My H is out of the house at least for a while, and I can tell you it feels good! A weight has been lifted from my shoulders. <p>I think you might feel the same way if you reexamine your priorities. It worked for me anyway. God first, me second, H is down the ladder a few rungs. Yes, it would be terrible to lose your home (can't say the same about Tony [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ). Have faith in the Lord to provide for your needs. He will take care of you. You might have some things to let go of first though. Read through the stories of people who have divorced, with little more than the clothes they can carry with them. People recover! You've been in a bad spot for a long time. Please take a long hard look at what you hold most dear. What you're holding onto may be holding you back.

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Thank you all for your prayers. It is such a mess Tony has gotten me into. Yesturday morning this kid's mother called and threatened me and called me really awful names because the kid's clothing was over here. Now this kid is not suppose to be in this house at all. He is on probation and the police come and look for him plus he gets random drug tests. Tony allowed him to come over against my wishes. <p>I ended up having to have the police escort me to the residence to hand over the property. It was so awful. The little bit of the house I saw was such a mess and the mother is younger than my Mom but looked so much older. I just never experianced anything like this before. I felt like i was living out a Jerry Springer episode. I placed an order of harresment on them. I hope that stops. <p>The other two people are out today. One is going to California and the brother is going to live with this guy who gets out of jail today. I just can not deal with this. Tony is so disrespectful to me. I was so angry to be placed into this position and then to be treated like dirt and called really awful names by Tony. He told me I was fat, ugly and no one ever would want to be my friend or love me. Well if his version of love is it then I really would rather not be loved. <p>I lost it and kicked them all out. Tony begged to come back. I am so stupid I let him come back. He started blaming me for everything and I just said he I did not cry and beg to have you come back... you did. If I am so awful you had your chance to leave.... so stay gone. Tony is so messed up. I can not help him.<p>Mom is coming for Christmas. Tony would be well to not be here when she comes. She is ready to show him a taste of God's wrath. Tony's Mom and I talked and we just feel the best thing is for Tony to go to home for at least a bit....it might be a permanent thing. I can not stand to look at him. <p>Sherly --- do not worry your prayer is powerful. I know how you feel about not feeling close to God. I feel like I am so far away from him. Mom said last night that God must really be prepairing me for something big coming up. I guess she is right. <p>CL --- Thank you so much for your wisdom. I am not convinced it was them. I saw someone with long hair in a ponytail. No one I have met from the group is like that. There must have been a fourth person in the house and they are lying. I have caught them in so many lies it is not funny. As soon as Tony leaves I am having all the locks changed. My house has been cased one too many times by all these people. <p>LH --- I am so happy that you are starting to get your way back. It is nice for someone to know how I feel. It is like my spirit is crushed into a million little peices and then taken from me one by one. I have no strength. I am going to have to file for bancrupcy too. I never thought I would be in this position. But like you I can see no other solution.<p>One day at a time. That is all I can do right now. Also Pray that I get a really good paying job in my field. Right now I am working through a temp agency. I need to get my salery again so I can afford just life by myself.

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Paha, have you read Verbally Abusive Relationships by Patricia Evans? You need to if you haven't. I'll send you my copy. <p>Is Tony on or off his meds for depression? It sounded like he had improved with his meds a while back. Now it sounds like things took a nosedive. What else is going on?

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Hi LH,<p>How are you doing? I have never read Verbally Abusive Relationships by Patricia Evans. I would love it if you could mail it too me. I promise to mail it back. I tried finding on-line at my usual cheap sources and could not find it. <p>I should have baked cookies today and cleaned the kitchen but I am just too tired. I was talking to my Mom. My thyroid count is all over the place and my doctor is really concerned. My doasage has been increased but Mom wants me to go back and get a T3 and T4 test...or is it T2 and T3. Right now I can not remember. I think this might be the cause of most of my health problems. I need to get that in order. <p>As far as Tony. Yes he is still taking the meds but he switched to the once a week dose. It is not enough to get him through the week he knows this. He really needs to go back to the doctor and get this all fixed. He has been having major panic attackes. I am going to try and set up an appointment for him. <p>He told me that he does not want to live here. I said I was not the person who calls and beggs to come home and promises to change. He needs to follow through or get out...I have had enough.<p>I am sorry I am not making much sense. I am going to crawl back into bed. It snowed today so everything looks lovely. As Monty Python say "No expects a Spanish Inqusition". That is just how I feel. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

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Pahakissa1<p>I don't come this way often but for some reason today, I felt the need. Prayers for you, even though I feel like Sheryl so very far from God.<p>I pray that your situtation gets better.<p>sing

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Ok Paha, we'll need to figure out how to communicate offline. Would you be willing to post your email address long enough for me to find it and write it down? Then you can edit it out of the post. Or we can find someone who's less shy about their email and ask that they be a go between for us to connect. <p>When I first came to this forum, one of the many angels on earth here saw how badly I needed Boundaries in Marriage and sent it to me. I am forever grateful! Now it's my turn. You NEED this book! In the meantime, visit www.drirene.com and you'll probably be dismayed to see how much of the information applies. <p>As for me, well, last week I reminded him AGAIN that I still want a separation (first request in October). He hemmed and hawed. I said, let's set a date. He said, how about Friday. That answer surprised me, but I said, Friday would be fine. WELL! The next day he called up his boss and quit! The day after that, he went to stay with friends in another city (yes, the same man who said he would have a panic attack if he ever had to drive in the traffic by himself). Well, he got there in one piece. PTL! He claimed he would look for a job there. Yes, um hummm. I'm picturing a little kid who runs away from home but wants to come back as soon as it's dinner time. He wants to return tomorrow to talk to me and see if he can get his job back. If I hear one word about how evil I am, how all our problems are all my fault, etc, conversation is over. If he's willing to seek out counselling, that would be great, but I'll still want a separation. I'd consider reconciling AFTER he's been through some treatment AND improved for a prolonged period of time! I know when treatment starts, he'll get worse before he gets better. It's something he has to do on his own. I've cradled him for a long time. I resign!

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Hi Sing,<p>Thank you so much for your prayers. They mean a great deal to me. I am sure you are closer to God than you think.<p>
LH, I will pray for you and your H. My email address is TClark@mediaone.net. Thank you so much for the offer.<p>One of the people is still staying here. I am hoping he leaves soon. I can not stand the total take over of my house. Tony does not care he is off in la la land.

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double post.... <p>oops
whoops!<p>No, DOUBLE PRAYER!!!<p>[ December 10, 2001: Message edited by: trustntruth ]</p>

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Father in Heaven,<p>I praise you right now for your love and care! You have really blessed the people on this forum with wisdom, and love! Lord thank you so much for Pahakissa, Lord! She is a gentle and sweet child, and I know that you would be like a mother hen to her, gathering her beneath your wing, to protect her from any problems.<p>Father, I thank you for sing, and sheryl, and LH, CL, and Paha, and I ask you father to please touch each one of us with your love, as we try to minister to one another in our circumstances.<p>Lord, I pray that Paha's home would be cleaned out from all evil and all people that you have not sent there, Lord. Father, I pray that you protect her, and you would build her faith - so that her heart would not be troubled. Father, you do not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.<p>Father, please help Paha to stay focused so that she can do work that is pleasing to you, Lord. Father, I also pray that her job would be a blessing. Please give her wisdom and increased faith.<p>Father, thank you for LH - and I pray that the book that she sends Paha will be a blessing, and I also pray that her husband would be enlightened to how you would have a husband treat his wife. Father, I pray for all the marriages and all of the wives on this forum, and I also lift up sing.<p>Father, you say that you will be a husband to the widows - and sing has been forsaken by her husband, father. Please provide for her, and complete her in you, father. In Jesus Name, I pray.<p>Amen

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tnt, your double prayers are appreciated. My heart must be tender as anything sentimental is bringing tears to my eyes. Paha, I sent you an email. Be sure to let me know your snail mail address. I'll get that book to you asap.

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Hello Paha,
Praying for you sweetie!
TNT, that is absolutely beautiful.
(((((paha))))) love, cl

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Paha, did you get my email? I get a deluge of it every day. If you've written back, let me know. I could've missed it.

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Hi everyone,<p>Thank you so much for the continued prayers. I really need them. Just found out that Tony has been going on line trying to find women here via Yahoo Instant messanger. His address book is full of women. I talked to a few and he has been trying to have sex with them. <p>Not sure what else I need other than the frying pan beating me unconcious. All the signs point to kick the bum out. <p>all you thank you so much for the prayers. I really need them. YOu really have been making me feel better. I need that more than anything else right now. <p>LH I did not recieve the email. It is tclark@mediaone.net. Make sure you use .net and not .com. I do that all the time.

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Hi Paha,
I just tried another email to you. Hope this one gets through. When you get your book, I want you to keep it until you don't need it anymore, or you find someone else who needs it more than you do at that particular time. OK?

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HI Paha,
Sensing love and prayers your way.
First, you dont need the frying pan ON you! It is for him!!! Second, why are you making Tony a Dr appt?
I ask you again to step back and look at this relationship Paha. You are not his mother-you are not in a position to have to be responsible for his actions. If he needs to adjust his meds, then give him a push, but at some point he has to stand on his own two feet. He is now an adult and he needs to be accountable for his actions.
Make your dr appt and get the T3 and 4 done to see where you stand with your thyroid meds. It is hard to stay in sync with so much stress, so be diligent. You have to take care of yourself.
I pray that you will not have to endure any further verbal abuse. You are a beautiful person and deserve respect and love.
(((((paha))))) cl

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Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, and sent an email...<p>Love you,
Sheryl

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Hi LH --- I still have not recieved an email from you. Not sure what is up. I recieved one from Sheryl. maybe try lower casses...should not be case sinsative...tclark@mediaone.net. If it still fails than I will open a yahoo account or something. <p>I also promise to pass it on to someone who needs it. Abby is right here helping me type. My two wee babies have been with me at all times. Abby is soo good about giving me kisses. Goliath just leaps up into my arms and then wraps his paws around me as best he can. They are so wonderful.<p>CL --- thanks for the advice. Mom is coming 23rd and I am calling to see if I can get the lab work re-done while she is up. I am trying to convience her to finish her medical degree. She thinks she is too old but she is the best. <p>As far as Tony is concerned I have not really done anything. He is being left on his own. I informed him last night that I do not love him anymore and he could do what ever he wanted to do. I just do not care anymore. I asked him to drop of the bill payments but that is just becuase I had no time.<p>Sheryl --- you are so kind. I am still praying for you. <p>I thank you all. You are such wonderful women. God has really blessed me with such wonderful friends. It really has made my heart happy.

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