Hi Ladies,<p>I know that so many of us are in the worst spots - emotionally, financially, spiritually... it seems like every thread is a "one-up" exercise... nothing is getting better for ANY of us, and in fact seems to get worse and worse. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Of course, my life is no exception.<p>I did want to give an update, and a little prayer request... my H has a second interview for a job he really wants tomorrow at noon. Please pray. If he doesn't get this job, we are in the deepest doo-doo. His job ends the first week of February, he's doing a bit of freelance work, but it's not enough to put a dent in the iceberg of debt (and, I used "iceberg" on purpose because it looks bad above the surface, but the stuff below is the real killer). You all know what I mean... so I won't say it all again. You know the drill.<p>Emotionally, I am this side shy of a nervous breakdown. Thank goodness for the Zoloft or I'd have done something really drastic. Maybe hitchhiked back to California or something (still nervous about flying, not that I have the money for a ticket, mind you). Every time something could happen that would help -- it doesn't happen.
I feel like I'm being perpetually punished.<p>I'm mad at God still. I just know He could fix this, but won't. But again, what do I know? Maybe he kept me from dying yesterday and I'd never know. I *feel* like He's not around, but maybe He is but I'm too cluttered with problems to see Him. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So obviously, spiritually I still a mess. Been looking at the POPW book for the last week. It's laying next to my bed where I put it about a month ago. So is the book, "Praying with Katie" that was a lifesaver for me a few months ago. Both books just sit there. I don't want to read about how powerful God is when in fact, I don't see, feel, or believe it right now. How's that for honesty?<p>I'm beginning to question, in a serious way, every decision I've made over the last three years. It sux, since I **thought** I was doing the best things for myself and for my family, but clearly I wasn't, or it would be going better. I know, I know, it doesn't work that way. Sigh. <p>I've prayed a LOT, and although I still believe... I am having some trouble believing that God cares about my daily life. If He knows the number of hairs on my head, why can't he know the struggle and offer some comfort?<p>Anyway, thank you dear ladies for your continued thoughts and prayers, and know that I offer the same outstretched hand back to you all...<p>Love,
Sheryl

HI Sheryl,
Ouch, the troubles just seem to be mounting.
I really do think you girls up in the frozen north need a trip outa there for awhile! Gads, I shiver everytime I think about how you tolerate that latitude! And here I was irritated today at being in CA instead of Hawaii?! I know I need an attitude adjustment.
I understand what you are saying about the apparent lack of the almighty in daily life. Maybe I dont feel it as acutely as you because I am not so sure he has ever made more than a cameo in my life. I read POPW, the bible, prayer books, go to church, study groups, etc, thinking that at some point God will make himself known, but I never feel it. For you this must be very troubling since you have had God as a major part of your life for so very long?
Perhaps there is a reason for this? Perhaps god is pushing you and you just cannot feel it or see it yet? He will make himself known at the right time. He has in the past, and that will not change.
Your post troubles me in other ways NB. YOu are questioning the decisions you have made in the last couple years. Those decisions have brought you great happiness and love! How can you question those feelings? They are very real and always with you. You have to have faith in yourself!!!
I am wondering if you dont feel god's presence because you are skeptical of yourself? He is pushing you to listen to your heart, and to love?
God is backing up a bit so you will believe in yourself again? So you will believe in the power of love?

Oh cl, HI [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] It's so nice to see you!!<p>I'm up late, H working late... lonely. I'm gonna write a longy here, so be prepared. I think I need to do this, in a safe place. I like this forum. It's safe and gentle here. <p>You have hit on a bunch of things that are so true, but I'd like to talk a bit about the "love" aspect and not trusting myself. <p>Here's how it feels, cl:<p>I had a life for 40 years. In it, I married the man of my dreams, had three wonderful kids, struggled like crazy, lived through my H's infidelities and a bunch of other junk -- and in the end perservered. <p>Then I lost myself. I had an affair, hated myself, hated my life, hated who I was. It could never be taken back, never changed, and although I could strive to be forgiven, I could never forgive myself. I tried. I tried very hard. I just never could quite get there.<p>Still, it was a part of my life, and I had to learn to accept it, and love myself in spite of my mistakes. I can say that at least - at least - today I can look at myself in the mirror (and I try to look deeply into my eyes, where my soul is) and say, "Sher, I do love you. You are worth loving."<p>But back three years ago, things didn't go as planned, and H decides to punish me for my indescretions. He begins cheating again, and I realize (for once, and finally) that he really wasn't a nice man, and in fact was abusive man who could be very charming.<p>I began to change, and not necessarily for the better, but at least I wasn't blindly pretending that all was okay. <p>THAT WAS LIFE ONE.<p>Fast forward to Nov 2000 - divorce final, living with new boyfriend (now H). Children (mostly adult by now) stay with their father 4000 miles away. Mother-guilt is huge. Does anyone care that I dragged them to counseling before I left, waited until D#2 turned 18 (D#1 was 20) and son was 16? Or that I slaved over working out the best education plan for our son, with regard to his disabilities? He couldn't come with me because of immigration, so I did the next best thing. I left him with the only other person I could trust-- His father. Does it matter if anyone knows or cares or thinks I am a bad mother? I thought I was doing it all right, but if I was, why do I feel like the worst mother ever? It all matters.<p>New H is wonderful and beautiful and light and warmth and I love him so much I can't believe it. He treats me like I'm worth everything he's ever wanted and more. He says I'm beautiful and generous and perfect for him. We sometimes sit holding hands saying nothing - just to be together. <p>THIS IS LIFE TWO.<p>Life one was everything, and then life two is love for a man, without everything. Does this make any sense?<p>I'm not angry, as much as I'm so very disappointed and hurt. <p>When others talk of their struggles, I feel that I have no right to complain. I CHOSE my struggles. For love. I chose love, and gave up my life. That's how I feel.<p>[ January 06, 2002: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I know that so many of us are in the worst spots - emotionally, financially, spiritually... it seems like every thread is a "one-up" exercise... <hr></blockquote><p>Well, I can top this one! Oh, wait a minute. This is a contest I don't want to win.
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Yep, I know how you feel Sheryl. There's plenty of room for comfort in my life! I could've filed for bankruptcy a year ago or more. I see the errors of my ways that got me in this mess, found this forum, turned to scriptures for comfort. I must say, I do find comfort here and in the scriptures. It's odd that my bare basic necessities are covered, but the mountain of debt is untouchable with current earnings. I've prayed for a rescue, a miracle. I don't want to file bankruptcy. I'm still dragging my feet on the paperwork, continuing to hope for a way out of this mess. <p>God has other plans for me evidently. Now I'm making even more room in my life for comfort, for love, for prosperity. I'm surrounded by clutter and three new books on feng shei are going to help me get rid of it. The radio had a sermon last week about the woman who had creditors at her door, she had just lost her husband. She turned to ... Elijah(?) for advice. All she had was one bottle of cooking oil at the house. She was told to amass even more emptiness, to borrow pots and pans from the neighbors and place the empty vessels in her home. ... to be continued... and I missed the next day's program. Ack. What book was it in? I don't know how the story ends, but it probably had a happy ending. The Bible tells us in many places not to worry. We can turn to Him when we are weary. Ok, I've done that. The only thing I can figure is... there's things He does and then there's things for us to do. Maybe I've been waiting for something that is within my own power to perform. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I'm mad at God still. I just know He could fix this, but won't. But again, what do I know? Maybe he kept me from dying yesterday and I'd never know. <hr></blockquote><p>It's hard to appreciate something if you don't know you've received it. You might've been within inches of something terrible yet were protected. So how would you know? I deal with it by counting my safety as a blessing each and every day. It's one of the best blessings ever. You're in a dry spell right now. For heavens sake, you're in Canada during the winter! January was always my worst month up north. It's depressing, the cold, the darkness. I've been in a dry spell for a long time too. I have faith that this time of famine will be rewarded with a time of plenty. I personally think the famine has been going plenty long enough, and that's not the kind of plenty I have in mind! I believe that the time of plenty will shower us with all that we missed during the time of famine, and more.<p>Sheryl, I will pray that your H is guided to a job that he will find satisfying in every way. I come from a whole family of worriers. When I was in college, I read the World According to Garp by John Irving. I'm bit fuzzy on the characters now, but I remember one or several of them falling victim to the things they feared most. That's when I decided that it just doesn't do any good to worry, especially if the thing most feared is what ends up happening. That book was my worry cure. If you worry your H wont' find a job, well, it's something worthy of concern, but what if worrying about it actually increases the chances of that happening? AND, you are passing up an opportunity to have faith in higher powers that everything will be ok for you and your H. The universe is a plentiful place. This is your opportunity to continue in faith, to build your faith, to show that your faith will endure. God knows what your financial needs are. Money is the easy stuff. Bump it to the bottom rung on your ladder of important things. It will make room for better things to enter your life. Stay warm.

Sheryl,<p>I don't have answers for you girl, but I do want to tell you I understand all the questions you have right now.<p>After my stbx abused me I struggled so much with my religion. I was a very strong Christian and growing with God every day. I prayed while he hit me. Before the abuse I was starting to think God had rewarded me because I put up with drinking and abuse for so many years, and alcoholism and abuse had stopped. When the abuse occurred again, my world as a Christian became shatter for awhile. I know that I haven't quiet forgiven God yet, but I have forgiven my stbx. I know it isn't right but I struggle with the feeling that God betrayed me more that day than my husband did.. Because of MB and telling my story over and over I don't cry when I talk about the abuse anymore. Although, I still cry if I think of God now. I have to get through this though and know that I may never have the answers as to why I had to endure what I did that day, but there are answers.<p>I have to keep in mind that on earth we have the devil, he is here to tempt us away from God. What better way to temp us than to put us through trials and pain...He knew my weakness and it was his hands not God's that did this...He knows how to lead us astray from God...He knew my thoughts and he preyed on these...<p>I've said this before on MB. My favorite line on a television show was when Archie to Edith, "If there's a God why is there so much hunger and pain in this world?" Edith says, "I guess that so's when we get to heaven we will notice a difference."<p>Well Goodnight my friend and thanks for being here for me tonight too!<p>ANNA

HI Sheryl,
Ah yes, it makes sense. As a mom I understand.
But life one was all the other things....what was missing was the love from one man to fulfill you and make you feel whole. Now you have that.
I would not say that everything you had before is behind you. I would look at it as being on hold for the time being. You and new h (who I still have not figured out who he is!) need some time to solidify your relationship before the rest falls into place.
You have all the ingredients for a wonderful love filled happy life, but you still have to bake it. Make any sense? Maybe you are feeling impatient because of the financial pressures and the incredible change in climate?
Just a couple quick thoughts. Have to get to work!

Hi lonesome heart,<p>Oh, yes, I understand about bankruptcy and financial problems... from awwwwaaaaay back... in my first marriage. We filed BK, and one of my most vivid (and horrible) memories is of my van (a Chevy Lumina - and I know it's just a vehicle, but it was the nicest one I'd ever owned and was perfect for my growing family) being towed away. I had a migraine that day (I wonder why? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )and it was humiliating (the neighbors, you know) and horrific (I had to walk to work after that, and then bought a $300 1977 Toyota with a missing passenger seat). I was very prayerful at the time also, and felt (as I do too often) that I was as much to blame as anyone. I never should have signed the loan papers for the van - we couldn't afford it. <p>I hope you don't have to file, and that God DOES provide the comfort you need. It's (BK) an obviously difficult, embarrassing, life-sapping process.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>...three new books on feng shei are going to help me get rid of it. <hr></blockquote><p>Oh, tell me more!!! Love this kind of stuff... <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>The Bible tells us in many places not to worry. We can turn to Him when we are weary. Ok, I've done that. The only thing I can figure is... there's things He does and then there's things for us to do. Maybe I've been waiting for something that is within my own power to perform. <hr></blockquote><p>Yes, this is a very difficult line we walk. What is God suppose to do, and what am *I* suppose to do? I totally understand. <p>I know this will sound cliche' and silly, but I am back to wondering why so often it is those who could care less about God seem to sail through life easily, and people like us, who strive to live a Godly life, get slammed, over and over. Lots of people make dumb decisions and are blessed anyway. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I come from a whole family of worriers. When I was in college, I read the World According to Garp by John Irving. I'm bit fuzzy on the characters now, but I remember one or several of them falling victim to the things they feared most.<hr></blockquote><p>Ah, self-fulfilling prophesy. I agree with this too... and honestly, I DO wonder if I don't **bring** these things unto myself. I also wonder if God is allowing these things over and over again to "train" me, and if I finally "get it" the icks will stop? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hi Anna2000,<p>You obviously read my post before I deleted the part about coming here -- I felt bad thinking I was "forcing" you to come read my junk. I know, I'm a dork! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thank you for caring enough to drop by and respond. You're a sweetie!!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>After my stbx abused me I struggled so much with my religion. I was a very strong Christian and growing with God every day. I prayed while he hit me. Before the abuse I was starting to think God had rewarded me because I put up with drinking and abuse for so many years, and alcoholism and abuse had stopped. When the abuse occurred again,
my world as a Christian became shatter for awhile. I know that I haven't quiet forgiven God yet, but I have forgiven my stbx. I know it isn't right but I struggle with the feeling that God betrayed me more that day than my husband did. <hr></blockquote><p>WOW!!!! Yes, this is also how I feel... we (my ex-H and I) were VERY involved in church when he first cheated... I remember one of the elders of the church trying so hard to reach David, and he (David) just laughed at him (which seemed totally against his character). I guess Satan was busy, eh? At least, that's what people told me... I don't know... sigh... I was mad at God then too, because, just like you, I wondered why He didn't protect me.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Because of MB and telling my story over and over I don't cry when I talk about the abuse anymore. Although, I still cry if I think of God now. <hr></blockquote><p>Yep, understand this also.... my son tried to kill himself at age eight (very long story) and people wonder how I can say it so matter-of-factly now (he's 17)... <p>Often when I pray I cry. I want so badly to find that joy amongst the pain that I used to have. When David first cheated, back iin 1987, I DID trust God. We both believed that God put our marriage back together. We got stronger, and even had a marriage renewal in 1993. I honestly thought we'd be together forever. But that's all water under the bridge now. When I think of David now, it's really mostly just a kind of bewildered "Why?"... Such a waste... <p>Hi again, cl,<p>Gosh, it's wonderful to talk with you again. Seems like it's been YEARS!!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>You have all the ingredients for a wonderful love filled happy life, but you still have to bake it. Make any sense? Maybe you are feeling impatient because of the financial pressures and the incredible change in climate? <hr></blockquote><p>I do know this.... and yes, it does make sense. <p>Right before I moved here, back in October, 2000, I had a mamogram, and the woman doing it and I were talking... I was saying how I was to move to Canada the next day... and she shared that she had moved to the States from London about five years before. She said something I've never forgotten, but didn't want to think about... she said that she cried for THREE YEARS after she moved. She hated the desert, she missed her family, and she loved her H, but wondered if it was all worth it. She couldn't work for a year (I've passed that, unfortunately) and she was very depressed.<p>So, I guess I'm not unusual. At least not THAT way! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Love DOES matter. I know it. <p>My H just left for his job interview, and he looked soooooo handsome.... he smelled really good too <yum>.... I do love him so much...<p>[ January 07, 2002: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

OK I think I get the one up man ship award [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Tony just called for the third time. Mind you he has a restraining order against this. EKKKK He wants to get back together. Yet he still blames me and now my Mom for everything that has ever happened. <p>There I win...I win. But I did not want to win this award. <p>Not be light hearted about all this Sheryl. I am so sorry you are feeling down and questioning everything. I find myself doing it as well. Should I have purchased this house, the car and everything else. Mom is trying to get me to not to worry so much. I think you might have my same infliction. <p>Try not to think that you abandoned your children. You love them and let them know all the time. Also David needs to be a father. <p>I am going to pray all day for your H and the job interview. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Now can you pray for me that one of the companies I placed my application in calls me back for an interview. I know Sheryl that God is so on your side that if you pray for me it will happen. Just like I know God is looking out for you. He is with you do not fear.<p>OK I know this is making no sense. I just got off the phone from emotional black mail Tony so please forgive me. I will try and make since tomorrow...if I do not die from shoveling the driveway. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

sheryl,<p>hope you are better, how did your H's interview go.<p>understand the struggle you are having with God, he & I are not on speaking terms at the moment<p>what i thought was the answer to my prayers turned out to be my worst nightmare<p>like you I am questioning every decision I have made since Jan 1 2000, seems as all of them have been the wrong one.<p>i have been trying to pray the prayer of Jabez, bless me but I guess you have to have a little faith, not sure if I have any anymore<p>think the loss of my faith hurts more than the loss of my marriage<p>my thoughts are with you and one of these days I will be that Steel Magnolia

Sheryl.<p>Have you tried reading the book "Just Enough Light For The Step I'm On" by Stormie Omartian?<p>It is a good book! I cried as I read the book. I could see so many times when what I was reading applied to my own life.<p>Read James 1: 1-4. Good never puts more on us than we can handle. Learning to trust and share the problems with God is hard but learning to be patient. wait and seek God's will and the light that he offers is harder.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

To All,<p>My H's interview went very well, and he will hear by the end of the week. I'll let you know as soon as I find out!! Keep praying, and thank you!!<p>Hello dear Pahakissa1,<p>Oh honey... yes, you certainly "win" the "one-up contest"... not a contest anyone wants to win, is it? [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Tony is a piece-o-work - BLAMING YOU AND YOUR MOM? C'mon... what an idiot. <sorry> And of COURSE he wants you back - you are a sweet, sweet woman who loved him in spite of his HUGE FAILURES and SUPPORTED HIM for YEARS. I said this about me and TnT, and I think I can add you too - we're co-dependent enablers to the bad-H's (I put David in that catagory). I got rid of him, but look how I can't function with a healthy H?? We're a mess, aren't we?<p>Yeah, I'm a worrier from awaaaay back. I know, most of what we worry about never happens, right? Here's the deal in MY life: Much of what I worry about DOES happen. How do I reconcile that??<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Try not to think that you abandoned your children. You love them and let them know all the time. Also David needs to be a father. <hr></blockquote><p>Oh, I know, I do!! This is one thing I just cannot seem to get over. The mother-guilt is huge and STRONG. <p>I thought a lot about the things I wrote; about the pre-life (first 40 years) and post-life (last three years). I still can't believe that the last three years happened to ME, ya know?<p>You made perfect sense, Paha. I will pray for you too.<p>
It's always wonderful to see you, sing!!
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>understand the struggle you are having with God, he & I are not on speaking terms at the moment what i thought was the answer to my prayers turned out to be my worst nightmare<hr></blockquote><p>See? This is what I mean. I don't get it. You are a good woman who tried like heck to save her marriage (like so many here) and you looked to God for your strength, and the marriage ended anyway - and in the ugliest way too. Not even easy. Why? That CAN'T be God's plan, can it?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>like you I am questioning every decision I have made since Jan 1 2000, seems as all of them have been the wrong one.<hr></blockquote><p>Thank you for understanding... it makes me SOOOOOO mad, as I'm sure it does you, that I *thought* I was doing what was right. Oh, in a way, I guess I knew it wasn't "right" but I still HAD to go the way I did, or I would have died. I mean that literally and sincerely. I wanted to die. I could not continue down the path, and so I chose another. It was wrong. What does that mean?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>i have been trying to pray the prayer of Jabez, bless me but I guess you have to have a
little faith, not sure if I have any anymore think the loss of my faith hurts more than the loss of my marriage <hr></blockquote><p>Oh, I hear you! Here's something I actually do believe, and I hope I'm right... God does not give up on us, even when we've lost sight of Him. He hears the utterings of our hearts, even when we can't pray. Your (and my) faith is very weak right now, but it's not dead, or we wouldn't be questioning. What do you think?<p>Welcome always and forever ,<p>No, I haven't read that book, but I like the title. <p>I know that verse in James... and at times it brings comfort, and other times, I have to be honest and say it makes me mad. Let me tell you why. At what point is it too much?? I came very close to killing myself at one point, but didn't. If I had, did I have too much to handle? I guess the point is that I didn't do it, so it must not have been too much to handle... I don't know... <p>Thank you for dropping by, and for sharing. Please feel free to hang around. We're a loving bunch, even though we're all struggling like crazy right now.

MY HUSBAND GOT THE JOB!!!!!<p>He was interviewing for one of three jobs, and he just got offered the job I secretly wanted him to get since it's DAYTIME hours!!!!<p>WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by new_beginning:
<strong>MY HUSBAND GOT THE JOB!!!!!<p>He was interviewing for one of three jobs, and he just got offered the job I secretly wanted him to get since it's DAYTIME hours!!!!<p>WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>I am so happy for you all. Maybe God does answer those prayers.<p>everything you said in your post before is true, I just need not to give up on God. for me anymore it is not my marriage, not that I will ever believe that it was best for my sons, I just don't see it.<p>at least we are not still in Singapore where they have just busted a terrorist cell that was targenting American interest, maybe everything happened to keep us from being there<p>if my OS would just turn around but this is to be a happy post for you, not a down turn,<p>
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you for sharing this WONDERFUL moment with me, sing. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You write anything you want... we're here to listen!!<p>(((((sing)))))

[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>That is fantastic!!!!!! Next thing you know, the snow will melt for a coupla months! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] So glad to hear your good news Sheryl.

Thanks LH!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hey, the snow IS melting, and there's been very little compared to last year. I guess it's called the "January Thaw" - -we just didn't get it last year! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Last night my H didn't get home until after 5 am -- freezing rain and black ice. <p>Only two more nights and then it's smooth sailing days until he begins his new job -- around the 21st of this month!!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Yippie [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Morning NB,
I am so happy for both of you!!!
Congrats on the start of a great New Year.
Perhaps there is some truth to the saying that God only gives us what we can handle?
(((((hugs))))) cl

Hi cl, and thank you for the hugs!!<p>Listen, I'm in a really good mood, so don't take this the wrong way, but I want to discuss this idea of:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Perhaps there is some truth to the saying that God only gives us what we can handle?
<hr></blockquote><p>This (not you, I mean these words) always makes me mad, and let me tell you why. <p>What if I would have killed myself in a fit of panic and fear? Obviously I would have been given too much to handle, right?<p>In the midst of my angst and depression years ago, before my true MLC began, I did something very odd. David and I were fighting, and I locked myself in our bedroom to think. I felt trapped, hopeless, and without any chance for a better life. I was obviously depressed (duh!) but it was as if YEARS of realizations were heaped upon my shoulders and I simply could not handle one more moment of my life. I crawled out our bedroom window (luckily we lived in a single story - my attempt at humor) and I snuck around the house, got in my car, and drove away. In essense, I ran away from home. I went and got a coffee, had a haircut, and was going to drive to the beach and walk into the ocean.... and I mean... keep walking into the ocean until you couldn't see me anymore. But, I changed my mind. I went home.<p>Okay, am I suppose to believe that God didn't give me more than I could handle? What if I had gone through with it? What about people who DO go through with it?<p>Just something I wonder about...

Hey Sheryl,<p>I got the letter just a while ago. Now it is MY turn to read over it a few times and formulate a response. Does this mean we are PEN PALS????????
I love snail mail letters!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>You have a good point about the "more than you can handle". Though I guess some people would say that suicide is a choice in the way to handle things, a choice to escape. My uncle committed suicide a few years ago. He had been suffering from depression, but seemed to be improving. He went to the doctor for a reevaluation, the doctor was pleased overall, but decided to "tweak" his medications by trying a different combination. Less than 24 hours later he shot himself.<p>Aside from the sheer loss of him, the most painful part was the comments of people who regularly stated that he had given up his chance to go to heaven by committing the "unpardonable sin". SO WRONG. My response was always that his death was caused by an illness, and that God understood and forgave, and wouldn't bar anyone from heaven because of illness!<p>When I read your post above, I got this cartoon-like image of God responding to a situation like my uncle's by saying "OOPS, I guess that was a little too much!". I don't think so!<p>Peppermint

I love the cartoon, Peppermint!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I see it like that too! HA!!<p>Yeah, we're pen pals and I LOVE letters the old-fashioned way!! Actually, I write to about three ladies from here, and it's super neato!! I love it.<p>Thanks for taking the time to discuss the "more than you can handle" aspect too. I was going to begin a new thread about just that subject, but decided against it... maybe later...<p>Oh, I am feeling so much better... so much... yet... there are things that eat away at me... and I have to snap back and say, "No, don't think of that, think of how God gave H this new job!!"... both of our ex's are having some nice things happen in their lives, and I'm jealous... yeah, seriously... and then I think, "STOP! They aren't us - be happy for the job - be happy for a man who adores you - be happy for a full tummy - be happy for a warm bed at night..." Gosh, sometimes it's hard to see the goodness right in front of my nose. <p>Why is that? And I wish it wasn't so... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Gotta stop that!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I'm good still though... good... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]