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Joined: Nov 1999
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You all have been busy since I was last here! Your points were great Karenna. I think we all can admit to not handling ourselves in a worthy manner at times, but as we become aware of such, we are all making strides to change our negative behaviors into loving ones, including lovingly telling the truth and setting boundaries on ourselves so that we do not continue to sin via anger, bitterness, etc. The echo in my mind these days seem to be "give a little grace today", be merciful as God is merciful. So many examples of what bums God's people have been in the bible and still God loves and gives grace and mercy. He says vengeance is his so I don't have to do that. What was clear in the old testament seems to be covered by Christ in the new covenant, ways to cope with wrongs, accountability for my own responses to wrong done. I was listening to the family and marriage broadcast this morning on communication. According to the experts as quoted by Jimmy Evans, my marriage is on the brink of divorce. My H says he is afraid to sell the house and relocate so that we can live within our means because he is sure I am going to leave him, and YET, I still see God as bigger than all this. PerhapsI am looking at life with blinders on, I know the counsel from sisters in Christ is that I may need to remove myself from being the target so that God can deal directly with my H. Perhaps this is so. I know I am selling my belongings. If I am to move, I will need the money and sure don't need to tote tons of "stuff" with me. I am still going forward with the annual improvement projects on my property in WA. I am trying to learn how to praise the littlest of things in my H. Today I managed to state it well and he responded quietly and said thank you. I pray that I continue to seek His face before I open my mouth. <p>LH- three months isn't very much time in the long scheme of things. Could be that God is finally hitting G right where he needs it and so he is trying to drag you back into the mess to be both the rescuer and the one he can blame for his stuff. Continue to state the truth in quiet loving affirmation. It may be more of an affirmation that you are worthy of better treatment, and that as the daughter of the King, you can give mercy and grace where necessary. I can imagine how sad God must be when we blow it by just seeing how we respond when our loved ones blow it. Of course you hope that he can get it and you can reconcile. It may be a few years in coming though. Continue to work on you and let God work on him. Hugs, friend!

Joined: Apr 2002
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Today I was sent to this website by a friend who
is praying for me and my husband. It has been
encouraging to read that there are others out
there that are fighting the same battles as I am.
I could use any help that anyone can give me.
My H moved out on 03/23/02 we will be married
one year on 05/22/02. For the first 3 weeks he
wouldn't see me or talk to me on his own free will. He was living with a friend and had met
another girl that he was just "friends" with because they could talk. He agreed to see our pastor for counseling and has at times made an effort to go to church. We have only been to counseling twice becuase the pastor has been out of town. My H says he doesn't like going because he feels attacked and that he can't really open up to the pastor because he will just have an answer out of the Bible. At one time my husband was very much in love with the Lord and with me. Over the last few months his heart really changed. He began spending more time away from home. We argured more and he "checked out" of the marriage. We were both praying for our marriage and we had seen some progress but then he left. He is only 18 as of 03/22/02 and is 7 years younger then I am. I have a son. I am sure you will read this and think how stupid of us both, too young, not mature, can't be responsible, and I realize now that even though we both beleived that we were ready that he now has doubts and resensts the
responsibility of being married. In my heart I continue to choose to love him and over the last week his heart has been softend towards me. He has begun to come see me and call and ask me to be part of his life. On Friday he said that he wants to come home and take care of me and to work on our marriage. On Sunday he wasn't at church but I saw him that night and he again said that part of him wants to come home but he is confussed and torn. He said he isn't sure if he wants the responsibility, if he is ready. He says he knows that coming home is the right thing to do but that he has no real peace about it or anything else. Even if we rushed ahead of God's plan in our lives and married too soon I don't want to step out of God's will again and make another mistake, which is how I see divorce. Some days I am filled with hope and then the next day is so very difficult. I am getting use to coming home and him not being there, but I don't want it to become a natural part of my life. I want so desperately for my marriage to work. I love my husband and he says that he loves me. Does anyone have any suggestions? He is living with 2 friends and is in a band. The band has always been his focus and his dream. It is not a Christian band in anyway though and I know that he is choosing to do many things that are against God. Is there anything I can to? I don't want to give up hope but I don't want to continue to get hurt. The waiting is so difficult. I know that God is working in both of our lives. I am scared to loose him. I am scared that in the end he will choose to divorce me. I can't imagine that. I continuously pray for both of us and our marriage. Sometimes I feel like I pray too much, that I am just saying the same things over and over out of doubt. Sometimes I do doubt so much, not God, but that my H will let God work like he says he will. The last note he left me said that he doesn't know what the future holds for us but that he is open to anything God wants him to do and that he hopes God will lead him back to me. And from what he says part of him feels that leading but won't go ahead and do it. How can I help? How do I pray? How do I just live in the moment and not worry? What if he does divorce me? Any help would be appreciated and all your prayers would be a blessing. <p>Hurt and Confused
Krista
kd434681@peoplepc.com

Joined: Mar 2000
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I apologize in advance for a hard kind of rant here. But as the mother of three sons it is hard to read this with a lot of compassion.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>My H moved out on 03/23/02 we will be married one year on 05/22/02. <hr></blockquote><p>Ouch. What on earth were you DOING!<p>Like my comment about the priests who had sex with teenage alter-boys: LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE!<p>Don't marry a minor child, for heaven's sake! Isn't that just a tad short of molestation, even if he is the one with bigger muscles and hair on his chest!?<p>Now that he is "an adult," one of you had better start acting like one, for the sake of your child who is watching how you lead your life.<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I am scared to loose him. I am scared that in the end he will choose to divorce me. I can't imagine that. <hr></blockquote><p>Why? Are you financially dependent on him? Are you emotionally dependent on him? Once you take some steps towards being self-sufficient, and becoming dependent upon God for comfort rather than on your H (the arm of flesh) then you will find yourself without debilitating fears.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I continuously pray for both of us and our marriage. Sometimes I feel like I pray too much, that I am just saying the same things over and over out of doubt. Sometimes I do doubt so much, not God, but that my H will let God work like he says he will. <hr></blockquote><p>Your husband is still in the middle of adolescence. Developmentally he is unlikely to be prepared for the mature committment of marriage. He should be finding himself right now, not taking care of you. God will do the appropriate work with him, as he allows. That may not involve keeping him with you. <p>You were the older person. You should have been helping his mother raise a son to be a faithful Christian, and honorable member of society. Not getting him involved in marriage and sex and raising another man's child at the age of 17.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>The last note he left me said that he doesn't know what the future holds for us but that he is open to anything God wants him to do and that he hopes God will lead him back to me. And from what he says part of him feels that leading but won't go ahead and do it. <hr></blockquote><p>I would recommend that you take a parenting class on raising teenagers. I know other women your age who are raising step-son's your husband's age and dealing with the same issues.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>How can I help? How do I pray? How do I just live in the moment and not worry?<hr></blockquote><p>Get Power of a Praying Wife and Power of a Praying Parent to learn how to pray in a most helpful way. <p>Worry isn't necessarily bad. Worry lets you know that you are being ineffective. When you start taking positive steps and enacting a plan the worry will resolve into a sense of concern.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>What if he does divorce me? <hr></blockquote><p>Then I hope you have
1. a support network of family, friends, and church community,<p> 2. a real job, and<p> 3. child support from the father of your child.

Joined: Jan 2002
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KD434681,
I don't know what to say.....but the first thing that came to my mind is that my son is 17 years old, turning 18 in Oct, and I can't imagine him having a steady girl let alone being married!!! No offense girlfriend, but could you being looking for love in all the wrong places??<p>I am sorry to come on strong, but maybe you need to ask God what to do....and then really, really listen for the answer from HIM, not the one your emotions give you. Find a good solid counsler who can help YOU, and stop trying to fix or manipulate your H. He is just a kid. He probrably doesn't even know what he really wants yet. You said you are 7 years older then he which makes you 24/25 years old?? Do you really know what God wants for you? And you have a child who needs a stable, loving, intact parent. Sometimes doing for our children means going without for ourselves and God supplies what we really need.<p>We are well meaning here and if I or others seem to be harsh on you, it is only because we are on the outside looking in. You are on the inside where the reality of the situation, when brought to light, can sting. I am sorry that this is happening in your life but the sorrow and troubles we go through, when we hold onto God and seek His will in it all, will lead us to the gates of Heaven. Seek Him first and all else will follow......<p>God Bless,
Bev

Joined: Apr 2000
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KD,
I don't know what to say either... at least in terms of being encouraging. Marriage is difficult enough even when it starts out with wine and roses. Your path had cards stacked tall against it before you even started down the aisle. That doesn't change or negate the vows you took, but if I were your very young H, I'd be investigating the legitimate reasons for annulments and hoping that it applied to me. Unless there's a typo in your dates, it looks like you married a minor.

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