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Joined: Jun 2002
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My story is a long one, I will try to keep it short for all of you, but feel free to ask anything.<p>Hubby & I have been married 10 yrs, after dating for 1 year. During our dating period, he was the most generous caring person I had ever meet, & truly felt as if he was my prince.<p>Within 2 months after wedding, hubby was cheating, I have only recently found out about this one. She had a child & hubby could possibly be father.<p>Approximatly 2 yrs later I caught hubby with another woman, evidence was overwelming, but didn't catch him in the actuall act itself. After confronting hubby, he denied & continued to see OW. Told H how much this bothered me, begged him to quit, but H kept stating that he did not want to be rude. He finally stopped when i threatened to leave.<p>since then there have been several "one-nighters" or short lived affairs. I have told H that I have a hard time trusting him, & have tried many times to talk to him, he continues to deny anything. He says he does not want anyone else, does not want me to leave, etc.<p>I had often thought that if I could catch H in the act, he would have to admit, & could rebuild. Lately I have begun to wander if he ever did admit, would I ever be able to really trust him again, after so many years of lying, & that the only confession would be because of being caught, & not guilt.<p>I know that only the Lord can change a person, & truly belive that this is the only way, but then I wander if my H is on his list, or if he will be a "lost soul"<p>Anyone have any help for me on this? The pain I feel is almost unbearable, can't eat, can't sleep. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

Joined: May 2000
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keeping the faith,<p>Glad you have come here. I am so sorry for your marriage situation - it must be unbearably painful. I will pray for you.<p>If your husband continues in his pattern of unfaithfulness, I sincerely doubt he is a Christian. The Bible is clear about unrepented sins that are a lifestyle. Do you both go to church? I suggest you get counseling for yourself - go to your pastor and/or a good Christian counselor. Please do this for yourself. You can't continue living with your husband's unfaithfulness without it having devastating effects on your soul, heart and body. <p>Post again and let us know your next steps. I'm sure ladies here are praying for you, even if they don't post a message.<p>God bless you.
PS listen to the New Life radio program in your area, if there is one. You can also call in for help. Here is their link: <p>http://www.newlife.com/

Joined: Jan 2002
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Dear Keeping the faith,<p>Call me a little too practical...but you do know that if hubby is 'sleeping around' that you and he are more prone to getting unwanted deceases. And if you were to have any children with your hubby right now, they would also be exposed to the possibility of unwanted illnesses. Are you thinking this thing through all the way with your head and your heart...or are you just letting your heart rule?? An abusive, neglectful, uncaring or even just plain foolish spouse is one thing, but a spouse who is sexually active with other people is not only emotionally painful, but physically dangerous. Do you really love him that much to remain in the relationship? And if you remain, shouldn't you take steps to protect yourself? And shouldn't he be made to suffer consequences for his actions? I mean, do you really have to catch him 'in the act' to let him know that you know? If you know that he is being unfaithful, then you need to take action and not just let his denial rule your life. You need to take corrective action no matter what...for the both of you! <p>Well, that's my 2 cents worth. Sorry if that was harsh, but I hate this kind of thing. Infidelity and sexual addiction are killers of the Godly family structure put in place in the Garden of Eden and we humans have been screwing it up ever since. It just ticks me off!

Joined: Mar 2000
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Get the name of a private investigator. You don't even have to hire him. Just get two of his business cards. Leave one where H can't help but see it. <p>One or two days later, sit down near H and pull out PI business card #2 and put it on the table in front of him. Tell him that you have done some "research" and ask him if he has anything to say for himself.<p>You already know well enough what the truth is. What difference would it make to have a videotape of him screwing the OWs?<p>Most Americans live under "no-fault" divorce laws. That means he has every right to have sex with anything or anyone able to give consent. You also have the right to leave. <p>From you description of ten years behaviors, he is not in a marriage. You may be only pretending you are. <p>Time to wake up and smell the coffee?<p>(You can also pay the PI $2000 or so and have the videotape made.)

Joined: Mar 2001
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Thank You for Your deliverance today now God. Thank You for Your presence with my sister now in her time of need. Amen

<small>[ August 17, 2002, 11:14 AM: Message edited by: ymon ]</small>

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I pray first for the Holy Spirit of truth to continue to shine in your life. I thank God for being awesome in this circumstance, yes even in this circumstance. Lord I lift my sister to You. Thank You for giving the help to her that she needs. I humbly ask You to let her realize the courage You have already put in her, the faith and grace You have given her to handle the situation. We ask You to show her how to pray and just today, keep her strong and summon Your strength and show Your strength in her life as You have done before. Thank You for Your deliverance today now God. Thank You for Your presence with my sister now in her time of need. Amen
ymon33@hotmail.com

Joined: Aug 2002
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Well, wow, quite a situation you've been in for an awfully long time. First off I have to commend you for staying committed to your marriage despite everything you've been through, most people would have left a long long time ago. That said, I do have to say that the Bible does state that while God does hate divorce (old testament law), it also says that adultery is one of only two reasons permissible for divorce. I am not saying you should get a divorce, but it is clear to me that if your story is in any way close to truth, then you need to set some clear boundaries from this point forward when it comes to what you will and will not accept. I would recommend you pick up the book entitled "Boundaries" (follow this link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...40/sr=2-2/ref=sr_2_2/104-4112597-4282325 ), and learn to put down some healthy boundaries in your relationship with your husband, as right now it seems like your husband's destructive behavior has very little immediate consequence that he must endure, and without consequences, we cannot come to the point where we confess our sins to God and allow Him to change us. Perhaps you should consider separation for a time, however difficult it may be practically, emotionally, and spiritually. Doing so will send your husband a message that his behavior has serious consequences, and may lead him to the point of confession, and if not, then you will finally know where you really stood all along in his mind. Most important is to stay centered on God's Will no matter what you choose. I heard a popular saying a while back that has stuck with me: God's Will, nothing more, nothing less. You know without a doubt that it is not God's Will that your husband behave the way he has been for all this time. You need to send a message loud and clear that will get his attention, and unfortunately for us men, sometimes it's coming home to an empty house one day. Stay in prayer over this, and be firm in your decisions and stay committed to them until you see real change, as the Apostle Paul says, "fruit in keeping with repentance," is necessary before trust can be fully restored.

One final thing, and an important one. Do you have children in the home? All of these ideas become all the more difficult if children are involved. I'd suggest picking up a book called "Hope for the Separated", by Gary Chapman, it provides excellent guidance on how separation can be a time of reconnection with God and with your mate, and how it can turn the tide if properly used. A welcome message considering most folks today consider separation as a simply prelude to divorce. Not always the case.

Thoughts and prayers...

Joined: Jan 2005
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Pardon me for intruding...but I can empathize with her wanting to keep the faith. I agree with the previous person saying to protect yourself, but am in a similar situation with the feeling of neglect. I am working to move on with my life, but I have my moments every now and then of hoping, wishing and praying that things were better.

I don't know what to do at times...

<small>[ January 20, 2005, 07:31 AM: Message edited by: nomoregames ]</small>


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