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Joined: Apr 2000
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I too have worried about my H going off the deep end. In many ways, he's off the deep end already! My H did combat in Vietnam. While he's never once been violent with me, I cannot ignore the possibility that he too could go postal.

I know you've had a difficult marriage with this man, Karenna. I can't recall, however, if your history with him includes violence?

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He has started stalking me. Last night around midnight a large vehicle, about the size of his truck drove through the neighborhood with all lights off, then parked around the corner and up the hill from our house. A friend saw it, came over and got me out of the house. We hid in the bushes a while, then heard a noise. He flashed a flashlight up our driveway towards the house after we heard a noise. Instantly there was a big crash sound. We jumped out of the bushes and headed down the driveway in the direction of the sound.

After searching around the house we found a broken section of fence by the bushes. Wonder if H was climbing over it when we surprised him and it broke?

We went back to where the large stealth vehicle had been parked and it was gone. Right then the local security service came up apparantly checking out a complaint about somebody trespassing.

I am getting new deadbolts today.

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Oh, I understand what both of you are saying.

My ex also stalked me, and I think (in hindsight where I learn all my hardest lessons) that's why I moved to Canada. I had to get away from him. What amazes me is that I was safe for 20 years, pretty much. I mean, he was scary sometimes, but never physically so. But he is a big man, has a mean face, and guns.

Have you guys read the book, "The Gift of Fear"??? It talks about the times to fight men like this (and people who stalk [and/or harm] in general)... sometimes it's best to run... or ignore... or face... it's just so hard to know which time is which!

Anyway, just wanted to chime in... and say I understand...

Hugs!!

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H showed up last night unexpectedly WHILE the locksmith was working on the locks!!! He was shocked and angry. I was highly stressed and angry. Not a pretty scene.

But this morning, after a lot of talk, I believe I have may just have a different prowler. H has agreed to arrange for and to pay for a complete electronic security system for the house to be installed this weekend under MY supervision.

And I won't be moving out soon. Well, well.

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So, you're out in the bushes scaring off a total stranger?? My goodness you're so... brazen! I wonder which is worse, to have an angry stbx or a stranger prowling your premises? What would happen if your H was prowling and then a stranger came along to prowl at the same time? Maybe they could land both their butts in jail and you could have some peace. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I used to have a closed circuit tv with four cameras hooked up. I liked being in the den and seeing who was at the front door. I still have the tv unit sitting unused in a cabinet (I live in a quiet neighborhood now PTL, and all the cameras stayed with the old house). It'll be the target of a flylady decluttering mission one of these days. I'd be honored to send it your way if it would be of help/interest.

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I just dropped in to lurk and low and behold I find all of my good buddies! What a joy to see the likes of NB, hw, SueB, Lor, Lizzypearl,Karenna. Has anyone heard anything from Rootbeer? I think of all of you so often.

I am doing OK.....it will be one year Nov 3rd since my husband went to be with the Lord. I though his infidelity was tough, it was nothing compared to losing him all together. Work has been a help because it keeps me busy but I have found grief to be something very unique and difficult to walk through. Something akin to walking thru shards of glass. God has been with me even if I didn't want Him around sometimes.

I am very lonely and tho I love my h with all my heart I cannot fathom going through life without someone to share my days with. We get so torn apart with our emphasis on the physical but I now see from a different vantage point that infidelity is probably more emotional. Unfaithfulness breaks the bond of unity in the soul.

I heard a wonderful term used back awhile and I feel it more defines a relationship based on God. Rather then soulmates a man and a woman become agapemates in the Lord when He is the center of their marriage. If I ever find another person to share my life with that is what I will trust to find, an agapemate!

Love to you all. I do so look forward to meeting you all face to face when we meet in Glory!

Taj

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H was just trying to throw me off his trail with that phony offer for a security system. I'm getting one on my own.

Somebody has been putting nails in my neighbor's vehicle tires. The neighbor who help me out with the "prowler." This neighbor agrees that almost assuredly my STBXH was the only person with opportunity to have done it.

H went to a 4 day workshop given by his therepist regarding emotional issues. Now he wants to have a "date" with me for dinner on Friday. The whole idea kind of makes me sick, but I will go and see how he presents, and what he has to say.

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Oh Kareena, be CAREFUL with your heart, okay?? It's precious!! Your H may seem like a changed man, and Lord knows that's what you want... just be very careful...

TAJ!!! Has it been an entire year? I can't believe it... and how difficult it must have been to LIVE it! Your name brings me a sense of peace, you know that? You are such a gift to the women you touch. I don't think you realize it. I will never forget you...

Everyone, are you like me? We come, drop out for awhile, come back, and back and forth... and sometimes I think this is the worst place for me because it brings back all the bad memories from the earthly HELL I endured trying to save my broken prior marriage... and then I come here, to WBS, which has always been the MB-Island of peaceful reflection... we are so blessed to have known each other... and I just want to say that if one day, I actually do sign out for the last time (and I mean from MB, not being overly-dramatic and speaking of death), I will never forget any of you.

Ever.

God Bless! and BIG HUGS to you all.

Love,
Sheryl

Joined: Dec 1999
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Hi everyone,

It's really been a LONG time since I checked in on this forum. For some reason, today I felt like I should and I'm glad I did.

I haven't posted here in what seems like years but I know it hasn't been. So much has changed with everyone.

First, Taj, I'm so sorry about your husband. I had no idea that he had passed. Please accept my condolences.

As for my update, some of you know, my divorce was final 2 years ago this month. Last November, I met the most amazing man! We got married in Las Vegas in March of this year. It was kinda quick but I thought about it and prayed about it and I knew in my heart it was the right decision for me. He's an excellent husband and step-father. He's become a real father figure to my sons. Their own father has tried to be good to them a couple of times but it never seems to work. I think this time he's given up. The kids haven't seen or heard from him in almost 2 months.

Life has brought me to a place that I thought I would never be. I became content and finally happy being on my own and now I'm extremely happy being a wife again. I owe a lot of that to the many people that I "met" here. And for that I still thank you!

Much love,
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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Karenna, did you ever get that security system installed? Any more prowler problems? Did you have dinner with stbx on Friday?

Mitzi, it is so nice to hear a GOOD update! Thank you for taking the time to let us know about your new happiness and marriage.

Sheryl, you ok? Hope you're not having another migraine.

Taj, my thoughts are with you today as it is a very sad anniversary for you.

Ladies, today is my mom's birthday. To celebrate, I'm trying an adventurous recipe. A souffle. I've never made a souffle in my life. My oven isn't the greatest. I don't have quite the right dish to bake with. I'm taking a risk that it will literally flop. I've chosen a souffle as a gift of love from my kitchen and my heart. Prayers for success are greatly appreciated!

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Oh, every once in awhile I show up and binge-post (haha) and then drop off the face of MBearth for awhile... always hoping this will be the LAST time I log in.

Sigh.

It's an addiction, I tell ya.

Life is exactly the same, except maybe I haven't told you that the 90 processing period for immigration has recently been changed to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> 260 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and we are at... <drumroll please>... 180. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

The whole wide world seems to spin on this particular dime for me.

Sigh.

On a positive note - my kids all went together and pooled their money to send me a plane ticket to come for Thanksgiving. It's an early birthday present/Christmas present... Mommy present... and I'm very excited to go! I'll pick up the rest of my Christmas stuff that my ex has graciously allowed to stay in his garage (Thank God!) and come home to my husband with a renewed Christmas spirit (I hope!).

Love to you all...

Joined: Sep 2000
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Hello ladies. God bless each of you! Especially those struggling and all those who reached out to me when I was here and asking for help!

God bless!

-HM

<small>[ December 05, 2002, 07:59 AM: Message edited by: Harmonious Melody ]</small>

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First of all -- the issue of the children: We have 3, 2 from a previous marriage & the other born a year after we were married, at that time I had my tubes tied.

About 2 years ago I left H. Shortly after I left H started going back to church, I had not said anything to him about going -- he did this on his own. It wasn't to long after that he was at my door wanting another chance. He was honest & open with me, & eventually we have gotten back together about a year ago. Since then, we go to church together & have a marriage that at one time I would have never dreamed possible.

Although after everything that has happend, I felt as if I had no more to give him in the way of love, trust, & respect. I had to pray daily for God to give me those things to give to my H.

During the time we were together the kids had heard of his affairs at school (it's a small school) they too had lost respect for him & was a great joy to them when we left. They have also forgiven him, & have built a stronger relationship with him as their father. He also said the he never knew that the man was to be the spiritual head of the house until he started going to church.

Now to those of you that had prayed for me, & posted replies to help me I thank you, but let me share with you a few thoughts on some of the things that had been written:

1 Cor 7:5 NAS "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement...So that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control" Was I to deprive H, only to have him tempted all the more? instead I belive that God would not allow disease to infect my body for doing what I belived to be His will.

On the subject of whether or not divorce due to adultry is permissable, in the OT or NT.
MT 10:4-9 NAS "They said "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce & send her away." But Jesus said to them "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment But from the beginning of creation God made them male & female for this reason a man shall leave his mother & father And the two shall become oneflesh so they are no longer two, but one flesh What therfore God has joined together let no man seperate" Did God change His mind from the time of the OT to the time of the NT? I think not.

One final thought: I had beliving God for a miracle. Was I to tell God that "yes, I know You are the creator of all things & all things are possible, but I'm sorry God, but this is just to big for you to handle, I don't belive you can fix this mess." And leave my H?

God is to wise to be mistaken
God is to good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
when you can't see His plan
when you can't trace His hand
TRUST HIS HEART
IS 43:1-5

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