I found out 3 weeks ago that my H was unfaithful, in October and November. OW ended the affair, only to work on things with her H. However things weren't going good and her H called me and informed me of the affair. After all this time of passing and no contact they still felt in love with each other. My H treated my bad for these months hoping I would hate him and leave, he knew OW would be back. My H and I have decided to try and make things work out for us. However, we were talking yesterday, that my H said that he didn't know if he could ever feel like he does about her, I mean when he sees me or thinks about me it should feel like we are soul mates and to be very much in love. He said this is what they both felt for each other. But he still wants us to try to make our marriage work for us. Is it possible for him to feel this way about me again, or not. He says that he is feeling less for her and more for me, but I am so very scared, that I am giving us this chance and it won't happen. How do I help this depression and withdrawl state for him to pass faster and easier so we can truly work to build a loving, happier life together? He says I am almost everything he wants in a lady, but she just did something I haven't been able to in a long time.

Welcome to the forum! You will find a lot of friends and support here. Read as much of the MB site you can and ask for advice, you'll get a lot> I am running late but wanted to reply real quick to say hi.<P>Good luck, prayers are with you and I am sure we will speak again! Dana<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jc67501:<BR><B>I found out 3 weeks ago that my H was unfaithful, in October and November. OW ended the affair, only to work on things with her H. However things weren't going good and her H called me and informed me of the affair. After all this time of passing and no contact they still felt in love with each other. My H treated my bad for these months hoping I would hate him and leave, he knew OW would be back. My H and I have decided to try and make things work out for us. However, we were talking yesterday, that my H said that he didn't know if he could ever feel like he does about her, I mean when he sees me or thinks about me it should feel like we are soul mates and to be very much in love. He said this is what they both felt for each other. But he still wants us to try to make our marriage work for us. Is it possible for him to feel this way about me again, or not. He says that he is feeling less for her and more for me, but I am so very scared, that I am giving us this chance and it won't happen. How do I help this depression and withdrawl state for him to pass faster and easier so we can truly work to build a loving, happier life together? He says I am almost everything he wants in a lady, but she just did something I haven't been able to in a long time.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>jc<P>Yes...Yes...Yes... Your husband can and Will love you as much and MORE than he ever did the OW. You are at the right place, right time. Please give some time to your H. I know you are hurting also, unfortunatley, you have to put that on the back burner for now. There might have been a time in your marriage when your H was strong for you. Now it is your turn. Tough, but doable. There are people here who have better info than I, and I know they will come to your aid. Please read His Needs, Her Needs. Since your H is having trouble, work on finding out his needs and do them big time right now. You will be surprized how quickly his feelings will move along. I am sure others will get you to call Steve Harley (extremely intelligent, quick to grasp problem, offer solid advice). It is well worth a phone call. Keep giving your husband little things that make HIM happy for right now. Know that there are alot of folks on the forum who will back you and help support you until your husband has recovered and he can begin meeting your needs.<P>It will happen. Tell yourself this when you get too scared.<P>V.

I will try so very hard. Sometimes he will say remarks trying to be funny about this problems we are having now. I understand I need to meet his needs now more then ever. I know I must control my remarks, in order not to set us back and move forward in our marriage. He cries sometimes about the OW, but he has also cried about the possibility of losing his best friend (me - his wife)and all the wonder things we have together. I guess I am inpatient for the marriage to start to repair the damage. I can have the patience needed our marriage is worth it. When he decided to save our marriage - he told her face to face it was over and also her H called my H and wanted to know if he was sincere about our marriage. My H told her H that the way he had it set up that I was moving out and she was moving into his life but not moving in with him, but he choose to stay with our life and marriage. I used to think it was out of pity but I know better know from reading MB. On Valentine's Day he gave me a great day of love I actually felt love from him that day. He gave me a flowers, diamond earrings and a card that made my heart care more for him then before. What he wrote inside was great - It said I am #1 and will always be. I am still scared he will run into her somewhere and all the feelings will come back for her. OW quit her job because of him, they worked at the same place. I know all of the things he did and how clever he was in lying to me. How do I trust him again, I trust him with everything but my heart now. I will not be totalling trusting ever. I have been told our marriage will be so much stronger than before. I never realized I wasn't meeting his most important needs and she could. But I realized she would be in the same boat as I am, since kids are involved and time would be taken away for their alone time. Anytime they got together they were alone without kids. We have a date every other weekend without kids for one day. I now will make the most of it and not nag or dwell on what has happened but give him his needs and I will receive my from him. In fact tonight we were talking about something at work important to him and he stayed in the kitchen with me and just talked, he kept going to the stairs to go upstairs, but he came back talking really not wanting to go upstairs, he was meeting my need for conversation, it was great. He is on call alot but I know now he is at work he knows that I can call and make sure he is at work I don't know if that is the right thing to do or not, but I need to feel secure they are not sneaking around. OW went back to her H, because she doesn't want to be alone, my H told me this, he said he was her way out of an unhappy marriage. Because OW is living again with her H and he is home in the evenings, so it is hard for him and her to sneak about without getting caught it was possible before because her H was in treatment for awhile and Tuesdays evenings she would met my H after his sport, he told me he was drinking with his friends. He now comes home right afterwards, there is a time he needs to be home by. He is understanding about this since this was the only time they would get together after her H came back home. They would have lunch together 2-3times a week since they worked together, we now have lunch 2 times a week so we have time alone during the day, just because we both like that. I appreciate all the help and input I am receiving.

Hello jc (hope I/we can call you that without upsetting you) <P>I wish you the best on your marriage and its future. Yes, you can have a marriage more powerful than you ever dreamed possible. One thing that I have learned as my relationship has moved forward is to be his 'friend'. Remember the laughter and fun you use to share, well men miss that in their women. It lightens the air between you and lowers the stress level. There will be plenty of time to talk about the issues and sort out the stuff. The best that I can offer is to be his friend and be there for him. Men generally are not the best at communicating, but since your H wants to work it out, you are several steps ahead already! You are LUCKY!!! Lots of affection and support (yes, and sex too ). Men do have different needs than women. If your H is willing to read the book 'His Needs/Her Needs', that is SUPER! Buy the book and you read it! There is a test in it to determine the strenght and needieness (if I may say that) of each others needs. If he will take the test and let you know, than you can concentrate on working toward the US in your relationship.<P>We all wish you the best. Please stick around and let us know how it is going. If things get a bit difficult, post and we will suggest and let you know what worked for us.<P>Again, You are a LUCKY lady to have a man so eager to work on the US in the two of you!<P>God Bless U!

How do you handle when you now he is depressed about the OW? I can see it in his face when I look at him. What do I do? It is so hard to see this sadness in him. He mood switches so fast at times, we are having a good time in the evening and then in the morning he seems sad. I must control myself and put my feelings on hold and support him I realize this, but how?

HELP, a friend of mine saw OW today while working out, and said something to her. I am afraid that she will contact my H. What do I do, we are to have lunch together today?<BR>My friend told OW she is pathetic and that is all. The OW was nervous she doesn't like to be confronted. I have never talked with this person but we will run into each other sometime. My H told me he would tell me if she contacted him, should I ask him or not? He is still depressed about her and Tuesdays are not good for him since most of the cheating happened after his bowling.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Victoria in Texas:<BR><B> jc<P>Yes...Yes...Yes... Your husband can and Will love you as much and MORE than he ever did the OW. You are at the right place, right time. Please give some time to your H. I know you are hurting also, unfortunatley, you have to put that on the back burner for now. There might have been a time in your marriage when your H was strong for you. Now it is your turn. Tough, but doable. There are people here who have better info than I, and I know they will come to your aid. Please read His Needs, Her Needs. Since your H is having trouble, work on finding out his needs and do them big time right now. You will be surprized how quickly his feelings will move along. I am sure others will get you to call Steve Harley (extremely intelligent, quick to grasp problem, offer solid advice). It is well worth a phone call. Keep giving your husband little things that make HIM happy for right now. Know that there are alot of folks on the forum who will back you and help support you until your husband has recovered and he can begin meeting your needs.<P>It will happen. Tell yourself this when you get too scared.<P>V.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you for your input, I will order His Needs/Her Needs today. My H is willing to read the book as well. A friend of mine confronted OW today saying she is pathetic and that is all. She doens't like confrontation so she didn't take it well. I have told my H and he is glad I told him. They haven't had any contact for 3 weeks now. I have not put my feelings on hold but I am learning to do so. <BR>What do you think limits of time I can put on him. I mean how limited should I be with his time?<BR>