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#365367 03/02/00 01:33 AM
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Describe what is has been like for you if you stayed with your wife and it is working. The pains, how long before you weren't addicted to OW. I would really appreciate it. I want our marriage to move forward, but I must stop LB's I do.

#365368 03/01/00 02:44 PM
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I am a w of a wayward husband. But I do have a question for you. Have you ordered the workbook from the web site? It has forms in there that are easy to copy, one of which is on Emotional Needs Questionnaire, and one on Love Busters. My h & I did Emotional Needs last weekend - it was a real eye opener. Scary at first, but went smoothly. We do the LB next, after confering with Steve Harley on a telephone call. We are both intelligent people, but when it comes to this stuff we Have to Have a coach. Order the workbook, they ship really fast, see if it helps. And I will watch this thread for answers from other H's as I am interested in the question also! Victoria

#365369 03/01/00 03:09 PM
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Jc,<P>I betrayed my wife and was in love with the OW. It took quite a while to get over the OW. I guess I just missed the "fantasy" of it all. Your husband will get over it faster if he has no contact with her...period. Have you read the book Surviving an Affair by Harley? Please get the book and go through it with your husband if he is willing. If you need a copy I will give you one. Dont worry I will just tell you where to go to get one and someone there will give you one. I have a feeling we live in the same town. How did you here about this place? We are all here for you and will pray for you and your husband. The withdrawal period for me was shorter because of all the nutty stuff the OW started doing. Hang in there and I'll be looking forward to your reply.<P>Scarecrow

#365370 03/01/00 04:17 PM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Scarecrow:<BR><B>Jc,<P>I betrayed my wife and was in love with the OW. It took quite a while to get over the OW. I guess I just missed the "fantasy" of it all. Your husband will get over it faster if he has no contact with her...period. Have you read the book Surviving an Affair by Harley? Please get the book and go through it with your husband if he is willing. If you need a copy I will give you one. Dont worry I will just tell you where to go to get one and someone there will give you one. I have a feeling we live in the same town. How did you here about this place? We are all here for you and will pray for you and your husband. The withdrawal period for me was shorter because of all the nutty stuff the OW started doing. Hang in there and I'll be looking forward to your reply.<P>Scarecrow</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>I have ordered His Needs/Her Needs and my husband is willing to read this. I found this site on the search engines on the Internet. I will read this one, but would like a copy of Surviving an Affair by Harley. Where can I get a copy? We maybe from the same town, I don't know.<BR>

#365371 03/01/00 04:26 PM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Victoria in Texas:<BR><B>I am a w of a wayward husband. But I do have a question for you. Have you ordered the workbook from the web site? It has forms in there that are easy to copy, one of which is on Emotional Needs Questionnaire, and one on Love Busters. My h & I did Emotional Needs last weekend - it was a real eye opener. Scary at first, but went smoothly. We do the LB next, after confering with Steve Harley on a telephone call. We are both intelligent people, but when it comes to this stuff we Have to Have a coach. Order the workbook, they ship really fast, see if it helps. And I will watch this thread for answers from other H's as I am interested in the question also! Victoria</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I have ordered His Needs/She Needs. I thought I could get through this without help, WRONG. I have gotten some much support from everyone here, it is som amazing how great everyone is!!!!!!! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.<P>

#365372 03/01/00 07:21 PM
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Jc,<P>If you live in a town near the center of the state and there is a large Dillons Distribution center in that town then we live in the same town. If you want a copy of the book free of charge then go to the church at 400 w. 12th and talk to the pastor there his name is Tim. Just ask him for a copy of the book and tell him that the guy who donated the books sent you (you can just tell him Greg sent you) He will give you one. If you don t want to do that then the christian bookstore on Main can order it for you. Let us know if we can help.<P>Greg

#365373 03/01/00 10:17 PM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Scarecrow:<BR><B>Jc,<P>If you live in a town near the center of the state and there is a large Dillons Distribution center in that town then we live in the same town. If you want a copy of the book free of charge then go to the church at 400 w. 12th and talk to the pastor there his name is Tim. Just ask him for a copy of the book and tell him that the guy who donated the books sent you (you can just tell him Greg sent you) He will give you one. If you don t want to do that then the christian bookstore on Main can order it for you. Let us know if we can help.<P>Greg</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>We do live in the same town. Do we know each other? I will probably go to the Church. Thanks <BR>

#365374 03/01/00 10:33 PM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jc67501:<BR><B> <BR>We do live in the same town. Do we know each other? I will probably go to the Church. Thanks </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>One more thing, my h is on call sometimes or leaves for lunch. How can I trust him when this is the time most of the affair happened? I don't want to questions his every move and make LB's. Also, when you where having the depression and withdrawl's, it is normal to be very sad one day and mostly happy the next day. We have been dealing with this 3 weeks. <BR>

#365375 03/02/00 12:05 AM
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Jc,<P>One of the nice things about this forum is the way that no one knows who the other is. My wife and I however did go to Cancun and did meet someone face to face and it turned out really good for all involved. His name was ThisAlex from this forum. I really dont care if the whole world knows my name if it helps someone else. My wife has said she would talk to you via this forum or private e-mail. It might help knowing that you have a friend close if you ever need her. You can read our story in the "read only posts" under Best friend Betrayal. Duck and Weave is my wifes name. <P>Now some insight and answers to your questions....Honestly I dont think I was too "up and down". My wife Plan A ed me and the OW was doing crazy things so it was really easy for me to get over the withdrawl time. What I meant earlier was that I did care what was going on with the OW to the point that I wanted things to work out for her marriage and wanted everything to be ok for us all. I guess I didnt have the typical withdrawl symptonms.<P>As to what your husband is going through in reference to withdrawl...Is he being accountable to anyone or answering all your questions with logical answers and all his time accounted for. The book I suggested addresses all of this very clearly. I think that some of the struggles that we had after discovery were that Ow would show up where she knew we would be. This upset my wife and I both a great deal. I thought that if she ever cared for my wife as her best friend she would just dissapear and make it as easy for my wife as I made it for her husband(by going out of my way to have No Contact). I think that we were finaly able to move on after we removed ourselves from the one place she knew we would always be.(our church...The one where the book is) I donated some copies after we left there.<BR>I guess the first thing he has has to do is be totally honest with you. Then he has to cut all contact with her. (never see or talk to her again..that is what the book says) I realize that may b hard in a town our size. How does he know this OW?? The thing is, he has to agree to do these things for it to work. I have my own business so I come and go as I please. I make sure my wife knows where I am now and I account for my time. I do this as a courtesy to her, not that she nags me all the time because she doesnt. I think we are plan aing each other all the time now. <BR> <BR>I hope you get some good rest and that your husband is willing to be first, honest with you and second be willing to cut all contact with her off completely and forever. After these things happen, you and him can start working on you and him.<P>Hope that I have helped in some small way.<P>Greg

#365376 03/02/00 11:37 AM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Scarecrow:<BR><B>Jc,<P>One of the nice things about this forum is the way that no one knows who the other is. My wife and I however did go to Cancun and did meet someone face to face and it turned out really good for all involved. His name was ThisAlex from this forum. I really dont care if the whole world knows my name if it helps someone else. My wife has said she would talk to you via this forum or private e-mail. It might help knowing that you have a friend close if you ever need her. You can read our story in the "read only posts" under Best friend Betrayal. Duck and Weave is my wifes name. <P>Now some insight and answers to your questions....Honestly I dont think I was too "up and down". My wife Plan A ed me and the OW was doing crazy things so it was really easy for me to get over the withdrawl time. What I meant earlier was that I did care what was going on with the OW to the point that I wanted things to work out for her marriage and wanted everything to be ok for us all. I guess I didnt have the typical withdrawl symptonms.<P>As to what your husband is going through in reference to withdrawl...Is he being accountable to anyone or answering all your questions with logical answers and all his time accounted for. The book I suggested addresses all of this very clearly. I think that some of the struggles that we had after discovery were that Ow would show up where she knew we would be. This upset my wife and I both a great deal. I thought that if she ever cared for my wife as her best friend she would just dissapear and make it as easy for my wife as I made it for her husband(by going out of my way to have No Contact). I think that we were finaly able to move on after we removed ourselves from the one place she knew we would always be.(our church...The one where the book is) I donated some copies after we left there.<BR>I guess the first thing he has has to do is be totally honest with you. Then he has to cut all contact with her. (never see or talk to her again..that is what the book says) I realize that may b hard in a town our size. How does he know this OW?? The thing is, he has to agree to do these things for it to work. I have my own business so I come and go as I please. I make sure my wife knows where I am now and I account for my time. I do this as a courtesy to her, not that she nags me all the time because she doesnt. I think we are plan aing each other all the time now. <BR> <BR>I hope you get some good rest and that your husband is willing to be first, honest with you and second be willing to cut all contact with her off completely and forever. After these things happen, you and him can start working on you and him.<P>Hope that I have helped in some small way.<P>Greg</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Scarecrow:<BR>I would like to post or email with your wife. It seems she is a very giving & understanding person. I would like to know how she felt through all of this, too see if I am being fair to my h or not. I was shocked to see that you thought we where from the same town, this is why I asked if we knew each other. Thank you.<BR>

#365377 03/02/00 12:59 PM
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I am trying to repair our marriage now, my husband had a 7 year & during that one had another one for 2 years. It has been 2 years since the shorter of the two & i found out about the 7 year one New Year's Eve. He hasn't seen either one since. & i thought things were progressing slowly but good. I announced that he needed to move out & find himself. He swears that there is not anyone else or one of THEM. He told our 2 teenagers that he had been unfaithful to me twice, that he loved them & me, but he had to get himself together. Is this normal? How long do I wait? He can't explain why he did what he did to me or himself...it scares him! He is afraid he is out of control of himself. He know that only he is to blame. He even says that I was always there for him. I have forgiven him but he can't forgive himself!!! I don't know how much longer I can put my future on hold again!

#365378 03/02/00 02:18 PM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Patches:<BR><B>I am trying to repair our marriage now, my husband had a 7 year & during that one had another one for 2 years. It has been 2 years since the shorter of the two & i found out about the 7 year one New Year's Eve. He hasn't seen either one since. & i thought things were progressing slowly but good. I announced that he needed to move out & find himself. He swears that there is not anyone else or one of THEM. He told our 2 teenagers that he had been unfaithful to me twice, that he loved them & me, but he had to get himself together. Is this normal? How long do I wait? He can't explain why he did what he did to me or himself...it scares him! He is afraid he is out of control of himself. He know that only he is to blame. He even says that I was always there for him. I have forgiven him but he can't forgive himself!!! I don't know how much longer I can put my future on hold again!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Patches:<BR>Continue to be there for him. All this postings that are here always state there is a emotional need not being meet, have you found what your h is. My h is the attactive need (the OW is in prefect shape and younger), I am getting there is takes time and time is what you have. It sounds like he wants to be there with you. Time is so important I am still learning this process, putting your feels on hold is so hard to do. Please read MB site and it will help you some, it has helped me and with the support you will find here is great. I couldn't have made it if it wasn't for all of this. God Bless and best of luck to you and your Husband.<P>


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