Calm down woman!!! Take some deep breaths....
Take a step back from your "hurting and anger" for a moment..
What is it that you really want answers for?
Why does he not hurt like I do?
Why doesn't he suffer from his wife and others knowing the truth?
Why the hell did I do this?
Why did I think I loved this guy and why did I think he loved me?
Why the heck am I thinking about his problems when I am trying to fix my own?
If so - here's some answers:
Because he didn't feel that "love" the same way you did.
Because he is not willing to face what he has done and is a coward.
Because you were in need of something and did not know what else to do to get that need filled.
You NEEDED to feel loved and you were ripe to accept his offerings...It is all part of the fantasy of infidelity. All you saw was what you needed - he saw what he wanted!!
Your thinking about his end of things because you need to believe that you were not used..that you could never do that to yourself.
Do these come close to what you are feeling?
How about changing to:
How much have I learned about myself, my husband and our marriage through this?
What led to my feelings of loneliness and despair in the first place?
Have I shared what my view of the problems were with H and have we come to a better understanding of each other's needs?
What will it take to keep us on the right track with our communication so that something like this never happens again?
How lucky am I that the events unfolded this way and I am so fortunate to have a husband I can tell the truth to and how good of a person am I that I can be honest?
Which set of answers do you think would benefit you more? Or which do you need more?
You are a good person, Renee - no need to go down any vengeance trail. Humans can make choices. You have made a very good one in being true to yourself and keeping an honest character.
That's a good thing....I, for one, am very proud of you for that. What an accomplishment in a world where "only live once" is the motto for doing something we know is wrong and would end up hurting us.
BIG HUGS, Prayers and Strength,