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Joined: Sep 1999
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We met to day. I survived it. I papbably did all the talking I told him that I understood what he was going through. I told him that I knew that he loved me and wanted to be with me. BUt that it was too hard right now. That he wasn't ready. He said all he wanted to do was be in contact with me. I told him that he was the one that asked to come back not me all I asked him ws what he wanted to do with the house. He was the one who brought up getting back together. I told him we both knew now that we couldn't get back together and live here. He agree. <P>He is not ready to separate from her but he want to stay in contact with me. He asked to come tomorrow to get his clothes. I asked to be here when he did. He didn't want me. I asked if he was bring her and he said she was going to help him . I said no I didn't want her in my house. He said he need things I said that was fine but he wasn't bring her why couldn't I help if he needed help. He started to walk away telling me that "that you changed the rules that you always changed the rules." I told him that I didn't change anything he did he was the one doing it. I asked him why he didn't want me there he said he didn't want to sit down in our house and talk. I asked if I promise to be good and not talk can I stay. He said yes. I asked him did he have to take everything he said no. He would only take what he needed. <P>I told him I had a chance to apply for a teaching job in Texas. I asked him if had ever thought of living in Texas. HE said don't ask right now. I said okay but in your entire life would ever consider living in Texas. He said he could live there. I said that is all I wanted to know. He said you should apply for the job.<P>He wants to stay in contact he will call me from work. I asked him to call me at least once a week he said he would but I doubt that. He left me touvh him and he held me and kissed me and told me that he loved me and always had. I asked him why he had never gone to see a counselor he siad he didn't know who to go to. I said all you had to do was ask our primary care doc. and he would have set it up for you. I told him I have four names that would take our insurance. he wants me to give him the names when he comes tomorrow. <P>I have given him a card that I had written that I believed in him and I believed in us and that we could do this. Before he left he handed it back to me saying please keep this for me. I said I would. It would have been too hard for him to get it into the house and she would have made him throw it away so aparently he didn't want to do that. <P>This is different from the first time he left. It is better. I think there is hope.<P>The week before I moved I was reading my horescope and I really didn't like it. It told me that the plans I was making should be postpone until Aug or something like that. I don't remember exactly, but that this was not the time August was. Now if he only will get help, I think we have a chance.<BR> <P><P>------------------<BR>di<P>

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back to the top<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

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di,<P>Winston Churchill gave a 12 minute speach to a high school in 1941. I think it consisted of 3 words...Never...Give...Up...<P>My history may be a bit off...but you get the jist...<P>I wish I had your hope...<P>Become a master of the Plan-A...<P>Show him you are a safe place for him...<P>Let CWW do the work of ruining their relationship...<P>My money is it is not to far off...<P>Let Lostva be your example...<P>We'll be your support...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

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di,<P>You know the game plan...<P>Plan A as long as you can...<P>"...It is better. I think there is hope..." means you're not ready for Plan B yet.<P>You have my support any way you go on this... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>You can count on your friends here.<P>...and hey...<P><B>You are loved</B>!!!<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

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Thanks guys for your love and your support. Like I told H the reasons he wanted to come back are still there they won't go away and I can wait. (for awhile anyway). He is coming over at 11 to get some of his things. I promised to be good and not talk and I will keep my promise at least o show him that one of us can. After he leaves I am heading for my daughter's for the weekend. We have to tell my grandson that his grandfather is lost again that will be hard.<P>Next week is the baby's first birthday daughter isn't inviting H wonder if he will even realize it. I doubt it. <P>I see my counselor on Wed and now I have to spend my energies on finding sometype of job. I am working on resumes and application for teaching jobs in Texas. I am sure I will get one they need teachers really bad there so someone will hire me, and the pay is good.<BR>Well I have to some work to do will check in later.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

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Well, I survived the next step he came and got his summer clothes. He left a lot of things. All his winter clothes, his electric shaver and bathroom stuff and all the stuff she brought over. Her notes to him and his notes to her and all his gifts to her junk like that. <P>I only broke down once no major love busters. I gave him the names of the counselors he said he would call the one I was going to, I hope he does. I don't think we have a chance if he doesn't get help. <P>He still wants to stay in contact and plans to call me this week. I asked that we met and talk because I did most of the talking and I wanted him to explain things. He agreed. But we didn't set a time he doesn't know his schedule. Guess she keeps him busy. <BR>When he took the last load to the car he told me he would talk to me later I asked that he say good bye without things in his hands. He laughed and took the stuff to the car and came back. I told him that earlier he had told me that his head was all screwed up. I told him we needed to get it unscrewed. Please see a counselor he said he would. I told him I love him and he said you know I love you. I told him he knew in his heart that he belonged with me we just had to get that into his head. He hugged me and kissed me good bye. I walked him to the car. Told him again I loved him and he told me he loved me.<P>This doesn't make sense if he loves me why isn't he with me. AAAAAaaggggggggggghhhhhh!!!<BR>Okay calm down. I went back into the house realized he had taken his bathroom stuff. So very quickly I left. I had planned to go to my daughter's and the car was already loaded so it didn't take long for me to leave.<P>He knows I was leaving. I don't know if he will try to get more of his stuff but he will be surprised I cahnged the dead bolt lock on the house. I had a good reason I didn't have the key to the old one and I hated to leave without the deadbolt. <P>This time is definitely different. First thing I need to do is get my act together and find a part time job immediately. Plus send in my applications to exas. I don't think I will have any problems finding a job there. Thanks for the support. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

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One <B>hell</B> of classy lady!!!<P>You are incredible my dear <B>di</B>!<P>You did a near perfect Plan A under the hardest of situations... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I am in awe... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I'm praying you find that job...<BR>...intertesting ...one option for me is to go into High School teaching too... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>You're moving in the right direction...<BR>You've found the path...<P>Stumble... you might...<BR>Fall... you might...<P>But... you'll get up again!<P>How he can walk away from a woman like you?...<BR>...it's crazy!<P>You're something <B>di</B>... <BR>...a gift to us who struggle. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

Joined: Apr 1999
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Hi SDS,<P>I want you to know I too admire you. Hang in there and do not forget about you. Your plan A now must really be your Plan SDS! More than ever you must focus on your goals and your own self-improvement. Sorry but as lor said to me - I want to give your H a swift kick... He must be crazy.<P>I know how tough this coming and going is - it is awful - and I too have an OW in my life that has been known to show up on the doorsteo. I had my hopes up in April last year, July, December/Jan - all times H has "come back", but never been able to stay [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]. I couldn't do plan A this time, but I am glad I did for the first few "reconciliations". Now however I am in plan B - I really needed to break this pattern - or be prepared to go on with my life...<P>take care SDS - I wish you all the best with your job search. And I will have you in my thoughts.<P>Starpony

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SDS, I'm certainly not someone "out of the woods", but one thing my H has said about the last 2 times he moved out (and I hope I quote you right, Guard)...he felt he didn't deserve me or his family. Guilt was a major factor, more so than the OW at that point. He nearly always told me he loved me, even as he left.<P>At this point, I do believe he loves me and wants the marriage. He says that each time he came home, he wanted to make the marriage work...it's the "what happened then?" that we're trying to work out now. Much like your reconciliation...your H wanted it...you wanted it...but it still took a wrong turn.<P>To me, you don't sound ready for Plan B. Take a look at Chris (CA123)'s posts. He's only seen/talked to his wife a few times in the past year, but is Plan A whenever that happens. He's an inspiration.<P>I know this is a bad time for you. I'm so sorry you are in this situation.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

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I do appreciate your support I could have made it this far without it. I went to my daughter's for the weekend. I have been play with my grandsons. It is a bittersweet time. I enjoy them so much and they are so loving to me. But it saddens me when the oldest talks about his "lost granddad" and the baby doesn't even know him at all. I can't believe that H can give them up, it just deepens my belief in just how deep this addiction is. The two weeks we were together he wanted to know everything about the boys.<P>I really believe that he is not where he wants to be. I really believe he wants out but just doesn't know how to do it. <BR>I hope that he will see the counselor and really work on getting better.<P>I relly believe that we have to be far away from CWW for this to work. So the idea of getting a teaching job in Texas is ideal. And even if he still can't leave her it will be the best thing for me. <P>As I said before things are different this time he doesn't want to shut me out. The reasons he left her are still there. THere differences will became stronger each day. I will have to do the best plan A ever. I will depend on you all to keep me on track and to listens to my vents. <P>I am going to talk to the doc. Mon. about whether to reduce the amount of Paxil or to change to something else. I do know I need something right now just need to find something that lets me function. I have to much to do. <P>I also think I have found a good counselor who will help with the skills I need to deal with H or to get on with my life. I so hope H will see him because I really think he can help H get his head on straight. He seems like he can help him deal with the problems that H can't let go. If he could let go of them his self esteem would rise and he wouldn't need CWW. Byt the was my daughter calls her CWB your guess. <BR>Sorry this is so long but I guess you better get use to it as my post will probably really long from now on. I am taking lessons from Sheba and Lostva. LOL<P>Love to you all<BR><P>------------------<BR>di<P>


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